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Looking back..all co-dependent did was to keep my self esteem low and hold me back from doing some things i should have done from the start…to think I sat in CODA and Co-SLAA meetings trying to “fix” me..while he was acting out all over town…what a crock of shit that was…
Jaded,
same thing happened to me! Brought me down as well, same thing. Turning your head is not a good idea with a sex addict. It shopuld be remove any harm from your life, then maybe consider groups considering 50% of marriages end in divorce?I am reading another book on loving to much (co-dependency). that book now includes more people: children of divorced familues, children where a parent dies, children with a mentally ill parent; plus the old standbys children of addicted parents, alchohiloism and any family which is less then perfect or temred a dysfunctional family. Truthfully I wonder how many people do not fall into one of these categories anymore?
Another old thread I found stimulating. I was reading a couple of sites about infidelity. It was amazing because these were not SA focused. It was more of couples counselling and saving a marriage after infidelity. The partner was considered to be going through trauma! Not co-dependency. Trauma. So I feel like the co-dependency is just a cop out to help legitimize the idea that the SA really is an addict 🙂 because it seems like non CSAT/SA therapist would treat us as just suffering trauma.
This is an interesting thread Eliza. Who the hell is Mort Feral.? I think I want to stab him to death and as Monty Python would say ‘dance about on his grave singing alleluia!
It’s so ironic, the “International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP)” – Patrick Carnes’ organization to certify CSAT’s – can’t even recognize trauma when it’s staring at them right in the face. Trauma professionals my ass.
I discussed some of this co dependency/co addict stuff with my crazy doc on Wednesday. I was sort of on a rant and a tangent and he asked , ” The intensive/sex adiction programs ( Patrick Carnes and his ilk) say emphatically that this addiction is not about sex and not about you. They say he would have cheated on anyone. So, does that make everyone he comes into contact with co dependent ?If he would have cheated on anyone and it is not about you then why would they send you to a 12 step meeting?”
Also, his “addict” behavior predates our relationship so good luck blaming me ….
My point exactly Bev.
He conned everyone, not just me. Are his friends, employers, neighbours, family, co-workers etc also co-addicts because THEY didn’t recognize the con either?Diane you are the most remarkable woman. Here you are 2 years later still helping women on this site with your sage advice. I’m so lucky to have met you. xoxo
Human beings are interdependent not goddam co-dependent – otherwise we would all go and live happily in mountain cabins and send bombs through the mail – Sexual compulsivity never begins because you marry the wrong woman, or man for that matter – that is why the women here are so committed to helping their children heal – it begins with repression, fear, secrecy, self-absorption, and our culture, religion, and government has a much a part to play in that as our families. What the hell happened to personal accountability. Mental health is indeed fragile but we excuse everything from over-eating donuts – to screwing prostitutes on everything other than the ability for every individual to do their own personal accounting. And no I don’t mean step 4 or whatever step it is – I mean we all have shit it gets tiring having someone ask you all day to accept and smell someone else’s and if you aren’t prepared to do that then there is something wrong with you…
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