Recognizing Manipulation and Gaslighting

Penny, I don’t know if it’s obsessive-compulsive exactly. I think it’s more that their identity is dependent on outside forces. So if that gets threatened by a real or perceived insult, they won’t ever forget it. Because where your average person would still be pissed off or insulted, these SA narcissists seem to feel that they stop existing if their fragile egos are attacked. I guess anyway. It’s all very weird. xoxo

My ex had a weird way of being “overly wordy” I laughed when other women posted about slow talking too!
He would also use very flowery words, poetic words, words I couldn’t even freaking understand! In the begining I actually took this as him being intelligent, charming, poetic and get this- SENSITIVE!

But as time progressed the words and charm didn’t MATCH UP to the behavior and actions.

I also would get blasted for small mistakes, quirky flaws that I didn’t even know I had and conversations on confronting serious issues somehow got turned around on me and I was the one who was guilty of something- usually minor- like interrupting him too many times during the current conversation!

I would apologize and end up feeling confused- not knowing why.

Im sure there is so much more I could write too on this. But that’s whats coming to mind.

As I re read thru it, I now know why we didn’t jump on every little seemingly small thing. We were BUSY! Who had time to argue over some shit that happened years ago ( or didn’t happen)???

I used to think I was a terrible person for hating ( loathing, dreading..) marriage counseling. Of course now I know what he was up to but at the time I thought I was being a bad person for hating it so much. I actually started thinking I was bad and crazy and I should look forward to MC to listen better and fix our marriage ( that I didn’t even know was in trouble). I thought I was being negative and defensive….

It only shows that all of us are so willing to take a long hard introspective look into our selves and readily admit fault and try to do better. That is exactly the kind of woman these guys look for. It’s a great quality and we should all be proud of having that quality but it isn’t to be used so our husbands can make us crazy and screw hookers 🙂

At least I know that I will never sit on another therapists couch for any marriage counseling 🙂

i might go to marriage counselling some day. IF I MARRY SOMEONE ELSE!!!!

I found the list of “stuff wrong with me” for the MC written on scrap paper on the back of my VS catalog…. In his work folder he carries all the time….

I still have it and a pic of it and I went to the session because I had the PI lined up to follow him from the MC’s office.

They can manipulate therapy to get any result they want, the SAs. I know you all have heard this, but SJ was congratulating himself on the fact that he had successfully ‘redirected’ 3 counselors who saw he and his first wife through 7 YEARS of their marriage around any conversation regarding his use of pornography or his sexual behaviors. It disgusts me to no end that he prided himself on doing this WHILE he was seeing whores, on 7 hookup sites, and paying hundreds to the brick and mortar dating service we met through. He was doing all that while in marriage counseling with her to ‘improve their marriage’. The diagnosis of the problem with their marriage was HER being a control freak.

LMAO

Anyone else see the irony in that?

Oh, and I’m just like her, according to him. A bitter, frigid control freak. Uh, sure.

I’m with Bev, and I said it to SJ

“At least I let you live”

Count me in too. Wormtongue told me I was an “abusive bully” and said in MC that my entire family were abusers and all of us like to “hit people.” Also told the shrink right off that I was a child of an alcoholic and I think everybody’s out to “hurt me.” And there he was, the poor victimized innocent bystander. Him, and his dirt whores.

Yes Nicole. Please read this!!

I love the Victoria’s Secret thing bev

Arleigh wt said that your family likes to hit people? Omg

NAP the husband abuser.

These guys are real winners. It is so funny and so sad at the same time. So nice to have sisters who have been thru this craziness. If you tried to tell the general population they would think we were nuts 🙂

Yes tmp. I confided in him over the years that my father was an alcoholic and got into fist fights with ppl, and in MC wt brought this up and also accused my sister of punching him, which she never did: “DID YOUR SISTER HIT ME??? DID SHE???” Me: “No, she did not.” Wt to spineless shrink: “she’s lying to make herself look better. All her family like to hit people.” Spineless shrink: not a word. And she also didn’t call him on diverting from the main topic, which was his whore fucking.

I opened my ex’s “white SA bible” while he was out and nearly went insane, completely insane reading parts of it. But I completely lost it when I read his margin notes on pages about the wife, where he was listing what was wrong with me. I wrote responses across the pages so hard I ripped them. –Things like “arrogant prick”, “Fucking asshole”, you know, useful things. Then I calmed down and wrote scathing critiques (as you know I can) of the text written about us.
Unbelievable stuff. And this was the “bible” for their recovery.