Recovery is a decision, not a negotiation.

Hi ZG,
Its what i have thought all along. It is a choice. Mind over matter. And it has always been as i thought. That everyday you say to yourself, today i will not take a drink. If i have the urge to drink i will call my sponsor. And this is where one day at a time comes in.

The power of thought and mind i think are very strong in this. If they are leaving the door open…just mb a few times, porn in moderation, flirting with girls they are not supposed to speak to, leaving the computer in the house, or still haveing access on the smartphone…it creates alot of open doors, and open ended days…where who knows.

It all depends on how serious they are. Just as the guy says in the article.

Good find.
Flora

MJ – just tell your SAH to go onto the SA, SAA or SLAA websites – they will have the meetings in your area posted under meetings.

http://saa-recovery.org/
http://www.sa.org/
http://www.slaafws.org/

Here’s a website with resources for YOU.

http://www.posarc.com/index.php

And if you want to meet other women that are going through what we go through – try COSA or S-Anon. (just be careful to focus on the trauma and connecting with others and IF you happen to have co-dependency issues – not all partners do, then worry about that after you have worked through the trauma.)

http://www.cosa-recovery.org/
http://www.sanon.org/

Deb

I agree it is a choice. If they don’t like the man in the mirror they will fight to not be him anymore. If they are comfortable being a sleaze they will not see a bad man in the mirror.

Yes, this is why I lean away from the addiction model to the compulsivity path.

They decide to recover, or to fake it.
The question is what we decide to do. Many of us have studied this shit to death. But it doesn’t change anything about what we have to do in order to save ourselves, and children and honour our full humanity.

My grandma always said ..”If you are going to pray for potatoes, then you best have a hoe in your hand.” I know I have posted that before but it is so true. If they want to recover then they have to do the work. If we want to heal then we have to do the work…You cannot grow potatoes by reading about them!!

Not as much as I love you Jo.. I would walk over hot coals if you needed me too! That is where the SA`s fucked up royally. They had the best of the best, the most loyal, giving, loving ,capable women available….Maybe they are actually retarded??

Logical reason to not be on board for recovery? I can’t think of any except they just don’t actually intend to recover.

For mine, I think he is constantly going to different meetings, studying different books, interviewing different counselors, discussing spirtual renewal with different pastors; but NEVER settling into any specific group or staying with any counselor who digs too deep, because it is important to H to LOOK like he’s in recovery. And he’s learning a lot about what recovery LOOKS LIKE, in any group, in any religion.

But is he walking the walk? No. He always has his web access iPhone on him (work necessity he says, oh well), his extra phone (can’t use work phone for “personal calls” (funny, that’s the one he uses when he calls me, and my son, and his daughter, and…), stays in a hotel now though he has other options (they are in his SA group, and he doesn’t want to put anyone out), and he “lost” all his accountability partners along the way through his maze of different recovery groups (what do you say to that, did you expect them to follow you?).

Why? He loves his addiction more than anything. That’s what his actions tell me. Losing it would be worse than losing the job and two families he’s already lost to it.
Period.

And for the record, I do believe he’s mentally disabled now. His short term memory and reasoning skills are atrocious. He cannot connect the dots through a five minute discussion without you going back and restating the highlights, now. It’s absolutely chilling.