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I put up the cautionary warning because I am going to put some real responses from a SA– straight from the trenches ladies. Lava Life. Yes, indeed. Okay… what was I doing on there? That’s a very good question. Occasionally, I get on, just to see if maybe predator is skanking around (and yes, I know that its a waste of my precious time and never mind– one day, I am hoping and praying that I will no longer care one hoot about him) I rarely ever chat with anyone, but today a young man (41) from Chicago wrote me (and so did a lot of other dudes!)— and I looked at his profile and uh oh… saw that he was married— Oh God… and he even had himself with his arm around her, but most of her was cropped out… so gross. So I thought I would get inside his little addie head… and so, I did…
research– straight from the trenches…
Again, if this is disturbing to you, in any way… please stop and take good care– My sole purpose is understanding (better) and observation and I do not want to make anyone feel worse… EVER! However, if you can detach… i promise… I have interjected a good amount of “LEXIcon” to eye rolling for days, if not laughing outright, because if one can detach from the crassness, the entire thing is beyond absurd…
WindyDude’s profile:
Well educated finance professional
[but oh so dumb]
who travels quite often…..perhaps making distance less of an issue. Looking to meet some new interesting ladies, but really just looking for one special person for a wonderful ongoing relationship.
I’m selective as I hope you are too. When not in Chicago, I’m in Toronto, NYC, SF, LA, Atlanta, etc. I look forward to chatting with you soon 🙂[sure… so let me get this straight… that’s one special lady in Toronto and one special lady in NYC and one in SF and LA and Atlanta and I guess one or two in Chicago, right?– other than your very special WIFE??? okay… just wanted to be clear.]
Everything you are about to read is verbatim commentary from “WINDYCITYGUY”… and my commentary is in [ ]
There is nothing blatantly smutty in our discourse, however, he does talk to me about his wife’s body… ewww… (not her body, eww… she sounds hot, but the fact that he’s giving me, a stranger intimate details, is just the creepiest, isn’t it?)
Thu May 19, 4:33 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply hi there, how are you?
[after this one, his comments are in reverse order, but it hardly matters]
Thu May 19, 5:12 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply that’s the problem…..she means less each day that passes
Thu May 19, 5:12 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply don’t bother…..of course I know this is wrong
[so, then why are you doing it?]
[important note: He DOESN’T really know this is wrong… he’s only been told this is wrong, but i can assure you that he feels no remorse, whatsoever.]
Thu May 19, 5:11 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply I don’t want to hurt her feelings
[gag]
[this was in response to chatting to her about his issues.]
Thu May 19, 5:11 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply it’s like she won’t let her body go there…..too wound up
[well…. yeeeeeeah… she’s never mind…]
Thu May 19, 5:10 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply she won’t go for it…..I tried [sex therapy]
Thu May 19, 5:09 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply and I know what I’m doing giving oral too but she won’t even let me do it
[my money is on NOT— all these dudes think they are God’s gift to the clitoris–nope.]
Thu May 19, 5:08 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply I know that! but she won’t even get herself off…..so how would she know how to get off with a man?
[this dude is just toooooooooo much]
Thu May 19, 5:08 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply no! remember? repressed……she says she has never masturbated!
[not with you]
Thu May 19, 5:07 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply so she just doesn’t really like sex
[not with you]
Thu May 19, 5:07 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply she has hormonal deficiencies …..can’t reach orgasm…..or at least very rarely
[OMG!!!!!!!!! hormonal deficiencies??? can you stand it???]
Thu May 19, 5:06 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply 36C
Thu May 19, 5:06 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply perfect tits
[sounds like it]
Thu May 19, 5:06 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply she thinks her legs are too muscular…..shoulders too broad
Thu May 19, 5:06 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply yes, if she knew how to use her body and was sexier…..it starts in her own head
Thu May 19, 5:05 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply 5’8 125
[sounds like a model, huh?]
Thu May 19, 5:05 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply even though she’s very attractive
Thu May 19, 5:05 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply she’s not happy with her body
Thu May 19, 5:04 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply I discounted the need for hot sex, passion, excitement
Thu May 19, 5:03 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply [sex was] a little better….but it’s always hotter in the beginning[yep… for a sex addict, that would be true. Its SUPPOSED to get better and better!!!!!!!!!]
Thu May 19, 5:03 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply she’s repressed sexually
[yes, of course]
Thu May 19, 5:02 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply and like I said, I haven’t cheated and don’t know if I will
Thu May 19, 5:02 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply I obviously didn’t expect to get to this place in my marriage
[what did you imagine was going to happen??? and its only been 2 years. ]
Thu May 19, 5:00 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply I have kids from my first marriage
[why doesn’t the 2nd wife interview the first wife? I think this should be mandatory, don’t you?]
Thu May 19, 4:57 PM EDT From: ESQ11 Reply love to have you on all 4s as i take you hard and deep, spanking your ass and making you moan and scream as we watch in a mirror…
[oops! God! delete!!!]
Thu May 19, 4:54 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply thanks for the warning
Thu May 19, 4:50 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply so you’re in the psycho camp
[dude is uncomfortable with the “tough” questions which means that i must be PSYCHO—hahaha!!! he’s right!!!]
Thu May 19, 4:50 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply no, I didn’t cheat on her either
[can you stand this???]
Thu May 19, 4:49 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply no, was married before
Thu May 19, 4:49 PM EDT To: WINDYCITYGUY Reply [ you’re 40 years old and have been married for 2 years and you’ve only had sex with your wife?]
Thu May 19, 4:46 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply huh? I don’t plan to sleep around…..not my thing at all
[clearly]
Thu May 19, 4:45 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply why? By the way, my name is Scott
[rhymes with snot]
Thu May 19, 4:44 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply do you see anything in my profile that intrigues you?
[yeah… i just love a man who gets around… :/]
Thu May 19, 4:42 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply well, there are a lot of things that are good, but many things missing in terms of intimacy
[intimacy???]
Thu May 19, 4:40 PM EDT From: WINDYCITYGUY Reply about 2+ years [length of his marriage!!!!!!!!!!]
Thu May 19, 4:39 PM EDT From: LOUI7 Reply You sound like a very nice lady and maybe we can meet now?
Thu May 19, 4:39 PM EDT From: LOUI7 Reply I live in New Jersey and have the day off from work. Love to meet a sexy lady for an online chat and more if we like
[sounds like a nigerian scammer– its a pisser, isn’t it?]
Thu May 19, 4:36 PM EDT From: LACKOFREPOSE Reply hi there
So sisters, (if any of you read this) there it is… There are a million “Scott’s from Chicago”— just looking for what’s missin’
entitled… clueless… addicted…
I read this and think holy shit there are so many weirdos out there! and then it occurred to me that I married one. A guy that will have no problem meeting anyone because he is so dynamic. beware ladies.
my sister said if I divorce she is going to hire a private detective to screen anyone I might date!
I read this and think holy shit there are so many weirdos out there! and then it occurred to me that I married one. And my h is a guy that will have no problem meeting anyone because he is so dynamic. beware ladies.
my sister said if I divorce she is going to hire a private detective to screen anyone I might date!
Edit | Delete #Lexie you crack me up! I love your detective work!
By the way, my h keeps wanting to spank me…like he craves it really bad! I told him not to. He said he never saw it or heard about doing that before, just sounds fun! And the scary sexual deep and hard words from Scott, is what my h loves to do…he says “I will ride you bare back!” Yesterday he talked about the length of his penis…lovely. He is so descriptive about my body…my wetness…it grosses me out…I am just taking it all in, and trying to figure out what part of this is normal fun sex and what is totally porn flashbacks!!! He holds my arms down whenever we are facing each other…the other day (we hadn’t had sex in a few days) he said he felt totally high, like intoxicated (and I could tell he was being totally honest!!! He kept saying it… as he climbed to the peak…I smiled, thinking, “Dude, you are messed up!” He used to tell me he wanted to FUCK me, when he was horny, but I told him to stop…interestingly our children were not allowed to say “heck” or “gosh” or “crap” because they were offensive to God! Which word do you think God would enjoy hearing more “heck” or “FUCK” as you pin your wives arms down! I won’t even cause you to vomit by telling you anymore details. sorry so graphic…anyone know how to tell what is normal and what is not with these guys…totally confused (again) b. trayed
Hi Hadj and B.–Thanks for your comments. And, yes, it is ALWAYS the same exact story. Its uncanny, actually. Although some do portend to love their partners a bit more… And BTW, the ass slapping dude was someone else, who popped up in the convo and there was another one or two.
As far as what is normal? I think if you enjoy it and its erotic to you and your partner, and you’re not hurting anyone, including yourself, or your partner, then its fine in the context of human sexuality. But, that’s just my view. I definitely think that God wants us to enjoy ourselves and talk dirty if it’ll make us “perpetuate the species”! haha!!! whatever it takes!
However, I think you can see how this man exaggerated, minimized, and most importantly JUSTIFIED, his need to cheat. Never mind that he’s married to the Goddess de Milo. He knows that he needs to say that he’s interested in JUST one (?) uuuhhh… (other) woman…(sure) for how long? Seems two years, is the limit, huh? As I was reading his answers, I started feeling more and more sorry for her. For “she” is all of “us.” And she may go for years and years, none the wiser… which is why I put my cautionary note there.
No woman could ever be enough for him. And I bet he’s as boring as a tree trunk in bed. And if he married her at 39 and was married before, don’t you think by then, he would’ve realized that he needed passion or whatever crap, came foaming outta his hand? Its all nonsense, of course.
But this guy is a light weight. Serious addies will lie about their marital status too, to avoid the “psycho” bitches like me! haha!!! But, he’s well on his way.
Even if there are some sexual issues inside the marriage. How is this supposed to help? Isn’t that the bottom line?
And if one stays with a recovering sex addict, what is the new normal? What is enabling and what is healthy? Tough stuff.
Maybe a new e-book? 😉
B, I have laughed out loud when my husband has said things that when juxtaposed with his acting out are absurd. He is also offended by profanity, has told me that he never could engage in ‘guy talk’ (I’m repeating myself but…how lucky for me that my guys bite was worse than his bark) Once he told me that he didn’t remove his clothing while he was lying on the bed waiting for my best friend to come out of the motel bathroom during their rendezvous because that wouldn’t have been proper. What a gentleman!!! Am I missing something?? Is there any room for propriety when you are screwing your wifes best friend???? That’s the angry me. I actually do understand the struggle with the two guys that reside in his soul. It’s just hard to keep a straight face sometimes.
Haha! That goes under the category “the wildest thing he ever told me!”
“Well, yes, we had sex but we kept our clothes on the entire time and the lights were out too!”
This stuff almost sounds like a Saturday Night Live skit. They are so distorted. I’d like to spank my XSAH ass really badly, would I go to jail or would he want to “heck” me???
aaahhhh, Lexie-you crack me up!! So glad you sent me here! When my husband was at the height of his addiction and I was in my detective mode, I came across emails he sent to his OW and posts he had on his adult websites. OMG, really? It was like reading from a porn script. Hilarious because he’s not like that IRL at all!!! 100% fantasy for him.
Is it evil to say I’m glad you messed with this guy?
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