Role of gatekeeper

Hello All

I hope everyone had a great wknd, or as great as can be anyhow. This Thanksgiving, we can all for sure be thankful for our site and each other’s wisdom.

I wanted to update my sisters on something. Wanted to get thoughts. Lately I have been reconsidering whether staying is really possible for me. And plus, I got the SEXT message meant for someone, while travelling the other week. Let me know where he is at — most disappointing.

Last evening SAH came home said he wanted to talk. Said he hadn’t been honest. Had viewing porn, chat rooms (oh duh like i didn’t have a clue) wanted to go back to tighter controls. says he needs my help. He wants:
1. I have access to all checks. I have been a bit sloppy with that. safe unlocked.
2. he wants software on blackberry not just home computer, that will monitor record. Second computer (business assistant’s computer) will have a password known by only her and me.
3. checks in mail for business, only assistant can pick up and deposit.

he said controls have become laxed. “he’s not blaming me, but he needs my help and wants me to hold much tighter controls’.
said he wants no more porn access and will seek new therapist

Now, I have heard this before. Tighter controls work for awhile, but the addict always manipulates. somehow someway finds a hole. Now, if I am with him time being, and want to help manage this disease, I actually think it is in my best interest to be gatekeeper. But for how long? I mean I am just not that gung ho about it, I think where there is a will there is a way. While i won’t hand him a check book, I really struggle with my level of responsibility here—as controller of the paths to acting out–

thoughts? anyone? I mean if there is any hope here, at all, the only thing I see as hope is transparancy, honesty and management of the addiction.