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My kids are away for the week with their SA dad. Vacation. I said yes because they are mid-teens and able to handle it. Plus they are getting to travel, an experience I could not give them.
I just need to post.
Tonight my sweet daughter was the recipient of his “angry voice”, a voice he directed at me countless times. I can’t protect her, and it kills me.
He is SA, bipolar, and probably borderline PD.
I want them home with me.
I just wanted to tell someone.
Thanks for listening.
Sandy
Sandy,
Sending love and light to you and your children. I understand how you feel. (Hugs) Can you text your children and let them know how you missing them? Hope you can do something good for yourself
Sunny I understand. I am in Hawaii right now while my husband is with my kids. It is hard to be away and let someone who is a child himself watch them….
I agree -do something good for yourself -hopefully they will be back with you soon!
Very difficult Sandy. The only positive is, if he uses his angry voice on her one too many times, she will do EXACTLY what you did. She will remove herself from his presence and his abuse. Hang in there. They have a loving, sane , strong mother. That counts for a great deal.
Hugs, Karensandy, i understand what you are feeling! DW and my son went away for 10 days in july. i just about died. it surprised me, how much i missed him. i’m pretty independent, but i was just lost. and not being able to protect your children? i SO get that. yes, do some self care. something just for you, that is yours that he can’t take away. something that builds upon your future or your present. even if it doesn’t help at first, it might later. when they were gone in july i started running and eating healthy – by the end of the ten days, i was still sad, but feeling better about myself because i was feeling healthier! and i kept that going when they were back. hang in there, sister.
Sandy,
It is so unbelievably difficult when you feel like you can’t protect your kids. We are hard-wired to take care of them, and the alarm bells just won’t turn off when you they are with someone who doesn’t feel safe to you.I hope your daughter is okay- it’s a really good thing that she felt able to tell you what’s going on and that she has you to validate that it’s not her.
It is so unfair that he can travel with them and you cannot. He should be paying for you to take the kids, after what you have been through. If there were any justice.
Hang in there. Hugs to you.
Sandy,
It must be so hard knowing they are on the receiving end of his behavior and you miss them and can’t be there. Thankfully they are not little kids and even though it’s still hard they are teens and must realize he’s not right and have a good perspective about things. Thinking of you and hope the week zooms by!
Love, NapI’m so sorry Sandy. I can only say what Karen has said. Your kids will be old enough and strong enough to eventually decide “no more” for themselves. I understand they wanted to travel but sometimes the price starts getting too high.
This stuff is so hard. Mine were older (18 and 21) after we separated and he flew them to meet him in the grand Canyon, and they also went white water rafting. My ex was such an idiot I was afraid they would go out hiking without water, or fall in the river. And of course any vacation we ever had as a family he did NOTHING to help plan or organize or execute.
Sunny, you can tell her that if she is afraid, she should call the police and that you will send airfare for her to come home.
Thank you everyone. Your encouraging words really do help. I gave them emergency money and they had a plan for what to do if he wasn’t in a good place. I don’t believe his behavior would ever be severe enough to need for them to call the police, it is just hurtful and reckless sometimes. One positive outcome of the interaction was my son, who had been linking up with his dad’s immature behavior woke up. She said he is on her side now and has her back. That will make a lot go much better. Just four more days.
I am starting back to work this week after having the summer off, so I have plenty to keep my mind busy during the day. It’s nights that are harder. I will take your advise and do more for myself AFTER work. I haven’t ran or gone to yoga while they’ve been gone. I need to get back to that–I know that will help immensely.
Thank you again for listening!
Sunny,
I’m so sorry you are going through this. As Teri said “if there were any justice” but we could do an entire post where we finish that sentence. Thank goodness they are at an age where they are not as susceptible to his behavior. Just the thought of having to send children with emergency money. We shouldn’t even have to think that way.
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