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This is real. The legal Separation agreement is being prepared. I should have the first draft by Friday. It is so incredibly sad to me that just 2 months ago I had packed to spend an entire week with SAH in MD. That we were happily discussing our 2 son’s up coming weddings, and how we would celebrate our birthdays, etc, etc, etc. This morning I sat with the attorney as she outlined what happens next. I balled. I have never been so sad and yet I know it is the right thing to do. It protects me financially – at least as long as he has a job. We are already physically separated, now it will be legal too. 32 years down the drain. You know what? I’d do it all over again to have the four amazing children I have. I definitely got the best part of sah. I got these wonderful kids that I LOVE with all of my heart. How sad that he threw us all away. I think this afternoon is a lie in bed and grieve afternoon.
Sometimes, Trish, things just hurt. They just have to hurt. I’m so sorry you have to endure this pain. We’re here for you, walking it with you.
trish, even in your pain you see the beauty of your children. you are an awesome mom – the proof is in your awesome kids. sorry it hurts. i’m glad you are protecting yourself. keep on going, it will hurt less one day. love, lisa
I can’t add anything to add to what March and Lisa said, other than I’m thinking about you and sending you lots of love and support. Absolutely take that lie in bed and grieve time!
It’s like the damn Twilight Zone and it makes you so sad and crazy at the same time. I am so sorry Trish. The next time you feel sorry for him then remember your pain and he was AWOL thru the whole thing. Rest and recoup…you earned it.
So sorry, Trish. I know it is a surreal experience. All those years, all you built together, and he just threw it away. It’s okay to grieve- it is a huge loss. It’s like a death- only worse, I think. Take care. Thinking of you today.
March has a very good point ~ sometimes we just have to hurt to get through to the other side. Very painful to do as we all know.
I noticed that pretty much every time you post, you say that you feel you are doing the right thing and I think you are right about that.
Thinking of you today.
I’m sorry you’re hurting today, Trish. Your dedication to (and love for) your children is a beautiful thing.
Thinking of you,
Amy
I hope you’re in your jammies under a nice blanket watching some sort of wonderfully mindless tv and taking care of Trish. It’s gotta be a pretty crowded couch ’cause we are all there with you.
AliLove that visual, Ali! And Trish, give in to the sadness and veg out and eat lots of junk food (I think you said you were 20 lbs down so I’m sure you can “afford” it now!). It’s an incredibly sad situation but you really are doing amazingly well and your H. is a loser who is going to miss out on these amazing experiences with your children and eventual grandchildren.
Trish, I totally feel for you today. You are in my thoughts. It’s that pain, that you are feeling, that scares the crap out of all of us, and perhaps is what keeps us from moving forward. Please feel our all-encompassing hugs as we stand by you through all of this. We may need you to do the same for us some day!
Much love, ClaireIt’s a bugger. I know that feeling. Where the hell did my life go?
Please accept our love and support. You are reframing your presence in the world, making clear what can and cannot be in your life. You are honouring the holiness of your being, because the one entrusted with half that job, laid that job down so he could have his hands free to play with his penis and build a whole secret life around penis activities. Bravo for picking up your life and putting it back where it belongs, in a place of honour.Love you, Trish. I am so proud of you as a woman and a sister, your courage and strength and love are beautiful. You are beautiful, and the life you build will be too.
Hugs to you Trish, and bravo for your courage. It is so difficult to sit down and put it all on paper – The reality all sets in. It is a very stressful time for you, and my heart goes out to you.
I know when I divorced my h of 28 yrs., and the father of my boys, my first thought was it was all worth it just to have my wonderful kids. I really feel, l when I look back in retrospect, it was my boys that got me through the whole mess and gave me my purpose to heal and move on.
You are a great mom and a wonderful woman. Hang in there. You know we are all here for you.
Love,
SharronSending you my love and support too. It is hard for me to support other because I feel so broken and still picking up far flung shards after 3 1/2 years of separation and 6 months of divorce. What is so great out this forum is that we understand each other to such a large degree. It is helping me to STOP trying to get anyone else to understand the hell that became of my life.
Trish, take good care sweet one. I too love my kids with all my heart and soul. THE SAXXXXXXX in our life no longer attends any family events. The grown kids now know just what he might be doing at rest stops and strip clubs just before coming to act like a saint on the scene. XXXXXXXX
Thanks to each and every one of you. Your words help so very, very much.
You are brave and strong and smart. You are going to have so much happiness in your future. You have amazing children. You had something to do with that! Your husband is such a jackass. You have awesome boundaries and I’m positive you will be just fine.
What else is there to say, except I truly understand
Your pain and sorrow….more than words could ever express. Not that you should take the time to do it, but just so you know- there are probably hundreds of past posts of mine sharing the similar grief but many good things have happened since those darks days and I know in my heart that you will be able to say the same damn thing someday down the road.Big hug and kiss on the cheek to our Dear Trish!!
Love,
SL
Trish, today sounds like one of worst days you’ve probably had to deal with aside from d days. I’m so sorry. I’m saying prayers that God comforts you and continues giving you strength as you forge ahead.
Stay in bed if you need, nurse the wounds but only for awhile then jump back into life with the determined, take no prisoners attitude that has gotten you this far. 32 yrs is a long time and you truly had the best heart and the best of intentions for your marriage so don’t forget to celebrate that, for lack of a better word. You have been a good wife, don’t ever let him tell you differently.
You are so lucky your kids are so wonderful to rally around you during this time. That says a lot about YOU.
Sending you a Texas sized cyber hug…..
Hang in there, Trish. Keep moving forward with this. I know you want a healthy life. You are taking the right steps to get to one.
Trish, I woke up this morning thinking about the sheer insanity of all of this: DECADES of marriage, building families and lives and futures, only to find we were sleeping with the enemy all that time. You have these weddings coming up–events that were supposed to be the payoff for all your hard work of raising children to be honorable, contributing adults–events you were supposed to be able to revel in, feel great joy about. We all know you should ‘revel anyway’ and ‘feel the joy you’ve earned by being a wonderful, dedicated mother,’ but we also know you’ve been fucking robbed. He stole the purity of your memories and the unadulterated (yeah, I know) sweetness of these coming weddings. He tainted them for your children, too, who must now see marriage in a different light. I couldn’t be sorrier about it. Sorry for this unthinkable phase of your life. Sorry for all of us who have been devastated. It doesn’t matter whether we call it addiction or personality disorders or assholiness or what. It doesn’t matter WHAT they are. In any case, we are left standing in a home that has been invaded and looted, its walls defiled with vilest graffiti, the closets and drawers–with our photo albums and wedding dresses and Christening gowns–ransacked and shit on.
Given what you’ve been through, my dear, dear sister, you are handling things awesomely.
Right, I’m gonna be such a fucking downer today.
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