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Step 1: Take one month to feel like shit.
Step 2: Rejoice in the weight you’ve lost.
Step 3: Re-read every email he sent to every hooker.
Step 4: Look up every hooker on the web. Notice how unattractive some of them are, not to mention illiterate.
Step 5: Post your own escort ad. Receive tons of emails from equally pathetic men, willing to pay exorbitant sums for a quick fix.
Step 6: Post a dating profile. Receive emails from men who are actually interested in what you say and think. Be particularly delighted if he finds it.
Step 7: Notice that you have less desire to email, text, or call.
Step 8: Repeat as needed.This is working for me now. Please feel free to add your own steps.
step 1: no longer eat for comfort
step 2: look in the mirror, see how beautiful you are
step 3: buy a vibrator (or two), new bras and underwear
step 4: try not to dissociate so much you get on the wrong train, read everything you can about SA
step 5: realize he’s not taking recovery seriously, that communicating with you isn’t a priority, read everything you can about partners and trauma
step 6: make your list of boundaries
step 7: make future plans that don’t include him
step 8: realize he is violating your list of boundaries
step 9: kick him out of the house – let him back in, but completely detach
step 10: get back to work, kick ass in your career
step 11: take another lover (or two)
step 12: grieve
step 13: line up those ducks
step 14: make more future plans that don’t include him
step 15: TBAVery good…both of you. Had i dropped to my lowest weight I might have felt there was some justice. 🙂
How about: look ahead to the kind of man you are going to meet as soon as you have gotten rid of and grieved this dicksprout. A man who tells the truth, thinks you are great and doesn’t blame you because the sun comes up every day. A man who wants to love someone and be loved in a return. A man who actually has an emotional life so he can be your best friend instead of your worst enemy. And then think of yourselves and all the energy you will have for positive life experiences when it is no longer being used up surviving these emotional vampires? Its all good girls. Its all good. Karen xx
No Deb me too! Although it’s slowed down some. My cat and I are trying to eat less and healthier now.
Deb I was an emotional eater the first go round. Not this time. I may not see my SAH until my son’s wedding in March and I intend to be drop dead pretty – gorgeous is a stretch. I want him to see me escorted down the isle of the church by our oldest son in his Navy dress uniform, and I want him to weep for what he threw away. I have been losing weight all year but I am getting close to 50 lbs. I am excited about that. It is for me and even if I feel emotionally like shit – I do feel better physically. Less aches and pains in my joints. My heart has enough aches and pain for the rest of my body right now. I won’t let this trauma derail my weight loss.
Deb, I am a horrible emotional eater. Don’t feel bad, we do what we have to do. It will pass 🙂
Trish, I am so proud of you!! Do not let him ruin your weight loss. Emotional eating truly makes you feel worse in the long term. Keep up the good work.
Dear Trish,
Now there is a positive goal for you. “Living well” is the best revenge. 😉
I would celebrate if I could lose 10 lbs. 🙁 Almost 50lbs is phenomenal.Whatever it takes for dumping their sorry asses, I say “do it”.
Trish, you are going to knock everyone’s socks off at that wedding and by that time, you won’t even care what he thinks.
I am not detached even after two years, but I do understand that detachment takes time, different times for different people.
I am detaching by educating my self about NPD.
I am detaching by believing that a greater power will handle him.
I am detaching by loving myself for all what I am and with my all shortcomings.
The easiest way I found to detach is to finally realize that they are not real people. It’s like being attached to your favorite stuffed animal as a child. It is all make believe!!!
I am head over heels about Brad Pitt as long as he is “Triston” in Legends of the Fall…He is NOT real. I do not spend my time pining for him.
Grieve for what you believed to be real. I grieved ( still do) and I had a funeral by burning the wedding album. You don’t have to go to my extremes but you get the point.
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