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Bingo Bev and Teri. Whenever it get’s confusing I make the same comparison. I told my mom the other day…even Hitler liked puppies. I actually don’t know if that’s true. I just hear it a lot.
1.I’m tired of a society that sides with the perpetrator instead of the victim.
2.Did my husband know it was wrong? Yes. Did he do it anyway? Yes. There is no sympathy for him and his “addiction” from me.
3. Even so I have overcome some things in my life that others would have said are impossible to overcome. But this website seems to be one of the few that really gives us the information about the truth of likelihood of true recovery. It makes me sad that there are people who eff up lives in such a way and can’t repair that. But I have to agree. I am more likely to believe in Bigfoot!
As for the evil, some people just aren’t going to see it unfortunately. It’s pointless to convince them. One of my friends once made an argument that sharks aren’t evil and they get a bad rap about it. Sure they look pretty from outside the tank. But you can be damn sure that person wouldn’t feel the same way about it if one bit off his leg.IMO they should change the label from Sex Addict to Cheating Addict. It’s more accurate. How many women would try to reconcile with a Cheating Addict?
Well the problem with the label Sex Addict is that it doesn’t begin to cover the lies and the gaslighting and abuse. So yes. It does sell false hope. Would I reconcile with my husband if it really was “just sex”? No. But I would understand if other’s were ok with that. It’s not “Just Sex” though. I don’t know. Maybe some of the husbands out there didn’t do as much of the abusive gaslighting. Maybe they have more of that possibility to “recover”. I’m just glad I found this site. And I read Joann’s newest ebook.
katf- that’s been my issue with the way sex addiction has been portrayed in the media- that it makes it sound like “just sex”. The emotional manipulation and abuse are completely left out of the discussion. I may be wrong, but I don’t remember reading about any of it in any of the self-help books for sex addiction. Victoria talked about the reason that it’s not talked about, to maintain their image as just good guys with a little addiction problem.
I think “sexual sociopath” would fit doc e better.
It all boils down to the fact that they are liars. Knowing that would you want to reconcile with a liar. Forget the sex. You cannot trust it’s daylight on their say so. I would suggest looking out of the window and then getting a second opinion…..
They label it addiction because it has some actions that mimic addiction. Addiction sounds better and the males will buy it and the partners can wrap their head around it.
I have said this before and I know Penny has said it and probably a few others….the BEST thing besides the initial Minwalla intensive ( which is excellent for breaking thru all denial) has been the therapist that focuses on the whole fucked up thing. He has been really good. The sex issue is certainly explored but the main point of the therapy is to delve into WHY and HOW they gave themselves permission to make such CHOICES.
That has been my experience so far anyway….for whatever it’s worth.
I have said it before many times- they sell “addiction” because there is no money in psychopath. They need the partner to develop compassion for her abuser so they have to make him sick. The partner is the one who says no treatment, no me. They NEED the partner to make the whole operation run. Its a joke and the joke is on us.
That’s a good point, Karen. If we just said “No way I am signing up for this, I am out of here”, there would be no one to force them into treatment and therefore, these therapists would be making squat.
Dr ahole told me that not one of the guys in his sa phone group at heart to heart admitted there was a problem until they got caught. He also shared that the partners were the ones to find the help. I can’t even imagine what they talk about in those meetings. We left heart to heart for 3 reasons. 1) the phone group included a weekly check in with “how many times they had sex that week with their wives”. I felt that was none of their business and it pissed me off to no end. 2) Dr ahole passed a polygraph on a question about his acting out with patients. Dr Weiss was proud to say he passed until I started asking questions and dragged the truth out of dr ahole…I spent$600 for the poly and $150 for dr weis…for nothing. 3) dR weiss sent the sa’s home with of all things, a sex plan. Most of the sa’s had sex outside of their marriage. Dr Weiss never said to get std tested before any unprotected sex until you had a clean std test. My gyn went BANANAS over this!!! She called heart to heart a big sham. Needless to say, dr ahole went to doug Weiss with “his” great idea to require std tests before giving the couple a sex plan. Sex plan still makes me sick. Now Dr Weiss offers std testing during the intensive at heart to heart
I’m sorry, I can’t leave this one alone. Y’all have to forgive me because I am still at home helping my mom and dad…
A SEX PLAN??? That just makes my blood boil. Yep, that’s what all women are just thrilled to hear. ” my husband fucks hookers but now he has a sex plan so he can be okay with having sex with me…”
Oh yeah , sign me up for that shit. Sounds so romantic. How could any woman resist that?
Fucking idiots.
Yep, another example of the lack of help out there for this problem. Nothing for us. But a sex plan for the addict. Nice, huh? Needless to say, I don’t recommend heart to heart.
“So where’s our “real husband” plan? Surely we should get that before they get a sex plan?”
Too funny. LOL
We don’t get a “real husband” plan because there’s not a “real man” there to work with. I wonder if the sex plan works like a menu? Choose Option A, Option B or Option C and add on “bonus” choices 1, 2 or 3. Does the wife get a say in the plan choices? Probably not. Probably not much satisfaction either. “Gee Doc, she won’t let me ass fuck her and that’s what I’m choosing as my option this week.” Bleh.
LOL…The sex plan was pretty bizarre. They made us have sex with the lights on and staring into each others eyes so the sa couldn’t objectify. I got freaked out about the whole thing. Mine got a look like a little kid finding a gift under the Christmas tree…….like a 7 year old…..oh boy, and here comes the climax. OOOHHHH goody goody goody!! Needless to say it didn’t last very long before I completely cut him off. Drove him crazy that he had to report no sex to his group while the other guys were bragging about getting it twice a day. He then told me he wouldn’t stay with me unless we had sex at least 4 days a week. This was right after I found out about the old ladies boobies. Then I refused to have anything to do with that pervert Doug Weiss and heart to heart.
OMG, Tina. That is horrifying. I don’t even have the words. Just when you think you’ve heard it all about the trauma these stupid ass CSATs put partners through…
I know that little kid getting a Xmas present look- and then I felt like he was playing with his new toy to see how it worked (very clumsily).
LOLOLOL…these guys are so pitiful. Really. And I actually think the couselors at heart to heart were getting off on all this stuff. The counselors are all sex addicts themselves. Ewwww.
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