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Eww! It’s like those creepy old time horror movies where people check into a hotel or something and everyone seems ok at first, but then you get the vibe that everything isn’t what it seems, and then it turns out that they are all robots, spies, members of a cult, etc. Dr. Weiss and his merry men are the evil cult, as are Carnes recruits, etc. Personally, I only believe in treating the wife as a trauma victim, and the h, separately, for his foo issues that he’s using as an excuse for his cheating mfpos behaviors.
OMG a sex plan! I am thinking a suicide plan would have made sense after going through that – if it wasn’t so desperately vomitous, as Bev, said it would be funny – I think we all need to get together on a weekend retreat and then we can do a parody for Youtube – fucking hilarious – then we could get our own few million hits, if you get my drift – JoAnn is the island open?
Suggested title – we could do a 12 step, ‘I’m sicker than the addict’ skit where we all admit we are powerless, take an inventory of our cheapest dresses,and then make amends for spending too much money in Saks, unless of course it would hurt somebody to do so – fucking kill me now!
Suggested Youtube title
More sex in Thirty Days: How to truly, truly love your sex Addict HusbandOMG a sex plan! I am thinking a suicide plan would have made sense after going through that – if it wasn’t so desperately vomitous, as Bev, said it would be funny. I think we all need to get together on a weekend retreat and then we can do a parody for YouTube – fucking hilarious – then we could get our own few million hits, if you get my drift. JoAnn is the island open?
We could do a 12 step, ‘I’m sicker than the addict’ skit where we all admit we are powerless, take an inventory of our cheapest dresses, and then make amends for spending too much money in Saks, unless of course it would hurt somebody to do so – fucking kill me now!
Suggested Youtube title
More sex in Thirty Days: How to truly, truly love your sex Addict HusbandHere’s what we face: if we don’t want to have sex with them, we are punishing them; if we have sex with them, we are codependent. What about us? WHy does everything we do/feel have to be relative to the SA and his feelings/treatment, etc.?
I found this article, which just pissed me off:http://www.4therapy.com/life-topics/family-relationships/addictive-behaviors/help-partners-sex-addicts-frequently-asked-ques
“The converse is true regarding the emotional influences on the wife. She may turn inward, withdraw, stay silent and distant. This can include withdrawing from any sexual activity with the addict. These stonewalling behaviors can ignite strong feelings of shame and rejection in the sex addict. In a way, the partner succeeds in punishing the sex addict through these behaviors. But the price of this punishment may be a return to his active addiction as a way to deal with conflict at home.”
“The sexual co-dependent suffers from additional symptoms: driven by the potential loss of the relationship, which she sees as identical with her very identity, some women engage in sexual activities with their partners that they find distasteful or even morally repugnant – all in an effort to keep him home and happy.”
And here is how it ends
“Each individual in the couple learns how to exchange instant gratification for the joy of ongoing intimacy. Sexual addict/codependents find that this intimacy and the trust, mutual understanding, and the emotional/spiritual/physical closeness it creates from having done the work can be qualities that few couples ever experience.”What a crock of shit. I hate the manipulation of the partner by the whole general CSAT profession. It’s like it came from the plot of the worst romance novel ever.
I’m still stuck on “old lady boobies”. WTF?
Honestly, I think you’re right, Tina, about these therapists getting off on this crap. They get to read your sex plan, offer input, and hear feedback and results, and make suggestions.
It’s insane. I go nuts when they talk about us like in the material Teri copied above. LIke we don’t know what we want until they tell us, and we have to agree that it IS what we want even if it isn’t.
Diane, dr ahole was fantasizing while doing breast exams on nursing home patients. I found out on 90 day poly at heart to heart that he was doing the exams more than medically indicated. He could name each patient he did it to…they all had dementia. Dr Weiss called him an opportunist, but only after I asked enough questions to prove that he was basically fondling these patients. He confessed to me right before the poly, then according to Dr Weiss he passed the poly. I knew what he was doing was inappropriate and started asking questions. I’m the one who dragged the truth out of him. He literally told me if they had flinched he would have stopped the “exam”…what does that tell you?
Honestly I get so sick of having to do everybody’s job, don’t you?
We have to be the therapist and the polygraph expert, too.And calling an “opportunist”?????—here in Canada we call him a sexual offender. It’s back to the diminishing language thing again. What he did is criminal. He is an opportunistic criminal. Why are these people who are so hasty to label us, equally hesitant to name correctly and accurately what these men are doing, and what we call people like that.
This thread has REALLY had an impact on me. Admittedly, I’m new to the whole “sex addition” research and have not done my homework as many of you have but when I first discovered all of the “unsavory” behaviors (my counselor’s words) my SAH was engaging in and HE told me he had tried to stop many times and couldn’t, I literally was out the door.
I grew up with a sibling who was an addict/alcoholic. I grew up watching how he went through treatment program after treatment program. I watched as my parents would become hopeful then to eventually become devastated…all within months at a time. I watch as he relapsed many many many times. He struggled from age 13 to age 31 when he finally got clean only after a suicide attempt. He is 44 now and has been sober 13 years.
Just because he is sober does not mean our family breathes easy. It seems still to this day we live a life of “what if” and worry that if something stressful happens he could go back to that lifestyle. It would makes sense to say we suffer from PTSD as a result of all those years!
I say all of this because when I discovered what my ex-SAH was doing and I put the pieces together and realized he was doing this for years, tried to stop and couldn’t, progressed from porn to physical sex with prostitites, that I was dealing with what I would define as an addiction, an inability to control. My ex immediately clung to that as he felt I might sympathize after knowing about addiction through my sibling. I did not, however. I immediately called it quits. When my husband started talking about childhood issues and that this was a coping mechanism etc….it brought back memories of growing up in family therapy and dealing with addiction. I knew in my heart I could NEVER muster up the strength to go through recovery with someone again. I left. I left my marriage and never even CONSIDERED staying with him. At one point he even said to me “if I had cancer, you wouldn’t leave. This is a disease I can be treated for”
Anyway, I definitely struggle with guilt. I do feel guilty at times I never even tried; however, I know what recovery is about and it is a long hard road with many many bumps. I want more out of life than a focus on someone’s recovery….
I hope I made the right decision, I want my kids and I to live a life without the fear of relapse, of “treatment” of addiction.
Hmmmm…good thought allcat. While I was out there in the middle of debaucle, heart to heart did contact their attorneys to see if they had to turn him in. Apparently there are no laws in place for sexual abuse of elders. Leave it to dr ahole to get away with stuff. He has successfully dodged bullets his whole life. There are 2 counselors here in PA who know what he did. Neither reported him. One of them is a sex offender specialist that I insisted he see. Dr ahole managed to snow her too.
LouAnn, fwiw, the jury is definitely out on whether these dudes have an “addiction” or just have a raging case of “assholism”.
I’m from the train of thought that they have “assholism”. They have a huge sense of being entitled to do whatever they want. And they leave a great big swath of human debris without feeling one bit bad.
If the therapists don’t even care that they sexually assault demented patients, why on earth would they care about us, the partners? It’s too awful.
This thread is a very important one for me to remember. No matter how good “recovery” is going, and how solid the treatment plans are, and my own PTSD treatment is, all that, the brutal truth is that this shit is in my life and will never go away. Not even if I’m outta here. IT HAPPENED, and I was snowed for years into thinking he had a real recovery.
It truly sets me off and makes me feel utterly hopeless that the “Sex Addiction Industry” is just that, money making schemes that comes in all shapes sizes, weirdnesses, and can be guaranteed ultimately to make me feel just a little more crazy in the end.
These guys do permanent damage, and the SA treatment world is just one more way they do it. I’m just trying to survive at this point.
These men are the products of our society, look out there, the world is full of assholism and liars, everywhere on the streets, in the malls, in our government, in our work places, in our families, and in our own homes, these men are not unique by any means, there are many of them, they come in all kind of shapes and sizes.
i think we are unique though as we thought at some point that the world run like we run, with honesty, truthfulness, sincerity, devotion, empathy, understanding, but it does not, we live in a world of liars and parasites,
These centers are what this society want, it serves their purposes perfectly , otherwise why do you think they continue to thrive!
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