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Hi All,
As you may or may not know my SA went to san francisco last week. For years and years he would never use facebook. Low and behold now that he has come home from san fancisco (on a trip by himself) he has now decided all of a sudden to have a facebook page. Not to mention some girl who lives in san francisco is a friend on FB and lives in san fran. My guess is he was friendly with her in san francisco is what my gut says. Does the hurt ever end?So his parents rewarded him for..being deceiptful and ruining a marriage, and being irresponsible by sending him to san francisco. Where he then meets new female friends. My husband can sing, like no tomorrow. We would go on cruises and he would sing karaoke and women would prctically throw their underwear and call out do you have a girlfriend. So his brother is an artisit as well, so I am sure he was up to no good in san francisco and they were singing at a club togehter.
I was gonna ask if any of the spouses use facebook to keep in contact with girlfriends, but who cares anymore. Also someone posted a while back on married to a sex addict that they can get racy stuff on the kindle, possible even porn. He has one of those as well.
I have had it. I am calling the attorney tomorrow. Some things never change. I deserve better. And this is not a way a man who is married , but seperated and definately wants his relationship to work, should act.
I just need to do it already. It must end. (the marriage) I am not contemplating anything else.
I am sending you strength and courage to make a decision that is healthy for you.
Love and hugs,
JoAnn
Thank you JoAnn. As usually every step of this has been so hard. But thank you for your support. I am sure I will still need it in the months to come. Luckily some of my sisters are in the same boat and we can travel together.
Hi Flora,
It is so very hard being the wife of a SA.
It does seem like going away and behaving like that is not in line with wanting his marriage to work and doing everything he can.
My situation is similiar.
Since I decided to go for the divorce last week, my SA has added many women to his facebook page. What does that tell me? Same MO as before. Many cute girls in offices we service scattered in different areas so there in one in every area we go into.
Even when you make the decision, it can still be incredibly emotional and upsetting. I will be wishing you stength adn courage as you move forward with it.
Lori
Sorry Flora – It never ends with an SA. I know we aren’t supposed to give opinions, but I generally can’t help myself. Ha!
I do think you are making the right decision, and I will be here for you whenever you need a shoulder to cry on. This is just the start of a very difficult time for you, and my thoughts and prayers are with you.ahhh yes…. “fakebook”
sending ((hugs)) and much strength to all…
sharron,
Sure you can give opinions. That’s what this site is for. So, go for it.
We are all open as well as very vulnerable. The love and kindness that I see here tells me that we don’t need rules or guidelines for the forum as we all speak from our hearts with empathy and support.
I just love you all so much!
Thank you all for your support. I was thinking. This will all end, the hurt will stop, when i decide that it is done. I am making that decision that I do not want to be hurt like this anymore by him (or anyone else) and that I deserve to be respected and loved. And not by someone who just says he loves me but from someone who actually means it. That may never happen but it is better than being disrespected and treated like a doormat, by someone who sasy they love you. But the are empty words and promises. Thank You All.
Well, dearest Flora,
Here we are, taking hold of our lives again. I remember way back on MTaSA in the early days, some one posted to me that I just needed to get out. I had this sick feeling that she was right, but I wasn’t ready. And even when I thought I was ready, the path has been emotionally uneven for me.Flora, your SA is not interested in getting serious about his sex addiction, and he has a family who isn’t interested in him getting serious about it either. Anytime he wants to, he just steps away from you and into their arms. You will not win. There’s just you out there tilting at windmills. It’s just got to stop. You do deserve more, and it will NEVER come from these people. But you will get it from us. We’ll encourage you each step and keep you straight when you get confused. It’s the one place where you can know what you are doing one day, and the next day when you forget—-someone will remind you.
all the best xox
D.Dear Flora :
I really like what you said: “I am making that decision that I do not want to be hurt like this anymore by him (or anyone else) and that I deserve to be respected and loved. “
Lately I have come to the conclusion that it is impossible to be abused and mistreated if we value ourselves and respect ourselves. Our “selves” just won’t tolerate abusive behavior anymore and we will make plans accordingly. For many of us, sadly, I think it will mean moving on from our SA’s. My therapsist told me something I value, “consistent, loving behavior” is what to look for in a future partner. As you said, our Sa’s words say one thing, their deeds quite another. They are completely inconsistent. I am really happy that you are making a decision to seize your life back. I truly wish you well.
Thanks JoAnn – If you had not given me your’e opinions, I would not be where I am today.
Hi Diane – I could have been one of the one’s who told you to get out way back when. It is so easy to look at everyone else’s situation and think, “Why is she staying with him?” But, I certainly could not be objective about my own situation – look how long it took me to get here.
You were always there with a firm kick in the ass, when I needed it, and just want you to know how much I appreciate those “kicks.” Sometimes, we just need to hear it!
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