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If I was Ella and Jeff trying to drum up “better marriage after SA” business then I would hire a make over team 🙂
It is a good article. I am sure she told him word for word what to say. These two freak me out. They don’t ring true and that is enough for me. I get this terrible feeling of “let’s say anything we have to say to ensure the maximum involvement of the largest amount of people. They are ‘off’ to me and these days thats all I have to feel to make my decisions. I would give these two a very wide berth.
And him going on about how beautiful blah, blah, blah she is? Sorry. Too bad he didn’t reflect on that when he was banging her own sister in her own house? I am not feeling the sincerity, not at all.
You are kidding, karen. I am sorry, but that would be a big deal breaker for me- for both hubby and sis.
Can someone briefly explain Ella and Jeff to me? Sorry, I haven’t been on for awhile. Sounds sick to me. That’s why I only want a brief explanation.
This is what I know. Ella and Jeff Hutchinson are both Christian sex addiction therapists in Houston TX. Ella used to be on SOS and she is crazy. They have a column on their blog called “Ask a Sex Addict” where people can ask creepy Jeff questions, and this is both disturbing and comical. Bev asked some questions and stirred things up a bit recently. Ella is also on the board of directors of APSATS, which is concerning.
That sums up my knowledge.
I think it’s really difficult for partners of SA’s to be anything but triggered from a therapist’s SA husband who is recovered and now wants to be a counsellor too. Personally, I find it stunning that these two don’t get that.
It’s perfectly obvious to me as a pastor that I would never set up women traumatized by the emotional, spiritual, pyschological, and in cases like JoAnn, the physical violence of her partner’s sex addiction, to be in an “unprotected” conversation with a “recovered” SA turned counsellor—at least without knowing each woman’s story in detail, understanding where she was in her recovery from PTSD, and knowing what her triggers were. And I would need to know that the recovered SA had actually been recovered for at least 5 years, and had not gone into counselling people before reaching the milestone in his own life.
But hey, I guess it’s hard to make money off that kind of care, professional integrity, and therapeutic competence. Actually, I don’t just guess. I know.
Really, its unconscionable.
Kind of makes you wonder whether the terrified wife needs other women to sit at his feet in order to prop up her belief that he’s cured. And I don’t blame her. She has so much at stake here—her marriage, her way to make money, her professional reputation—God help her if she’s wrong. Well, actually I do believe God/dess will help her, and so will we.
I did like the article and found it articulated some of the things that I want my h. to understand more fully. However, now I’m wondering if my maybe Ella wrote it or provided the majority of input on it? He seemed to really get it so he’s either incredibly enlightened or he has a ghost writer (i.e. his wife).
Interesting side note for me – I’m thinking of sending it to my h. but then I worry it will give him hope for our marriage and my gut reaction is that I don’t want him to have hope in “us”.
Christine,
You just got him out of the house, right?I would not send it to him. That just opens the door for him to start trying to manipulate you. If anything, tell him to go Minwalla for your daughters’ sake, because they need a good daddy, or something- like Bev did. That’s just my two cents.
Wow. What an awesome topic. Thanks Liza. The only thing I have to contribute is my experience with MC. I was told by MC that I was not “safe” for my sa because I was so angry. Suffice it to say, this is when he took off with OW in recovery and I stopped going to marriage counseling. MC made big mistake, in effect enabling him to stay sick. It affects our family…not her. MC doesn’t have to live with the repercussions of her bad judgement. Makes me even more angry thinking about it…MC was a 12 step addiction specialist.
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