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I almost hijacked Sharron’s topic when I read about Karen’s (?) therapist (sorry if that’s wrong) in Singapore. The therapist talked about narcissism and how best to deal with that type of personality. It was to ignore, ignore, ignore – and that was exactly what all of you advised me to do about V when she popped up again the other day. It’s also what D’s CSAT told him to do about her too. The CSAT gave us a photocopy of the diagnosis and it fits V’s behavior to a T.
It’s just so hard to do. She is renting space in my head and when she emails me, mentions my kids by name it is a mental mind game. D is avoiding the topic now like the plague. He did great the day the email arrived but since then, we’ve had the hurricane, now the roof repair and he’s back at school so any thought of V has left his mind.
I brought it up last night and it was obvious he had thought the topic had been forgotten by me. I told him that I wanted him to come with me to the police station to file the compliant (and yes, part of me (the evil bitchy part) wants him to face what he did) and he was more than agreeable but it was obvious he didn’t want to go.
Why does this bitch have so much space in my head? Why does D think I have already moved along?
if hes like mine outta site- outta mind……. like when my partner left the house everyday if i wasnt in his face i didnt exists, thats when he acted out…….. as far as the bitch in your head i too have a high rise for rent in mine-i only hope one day it gets condemned, or just blows up. really im not sure if ill can ever not think about it all maybe just be able to live around it is all i can hope for
much love kattHe WANTS you to move along. But, that’s really more of a man thing, I think.
Going to the police isn’t a court of law. In other words you can simply say that this woman is harassing and stalking you. (and bring the proof) The reasons that lead her to do such a thing don’t matter. Its against the law.
As for head space. Is there a particular, time, place, memory that triggers this? Can it be avoided? Maybe try this? Every time she pops up, replace the image of her with something that will propel you forward, not pull you back into the abyss. Not easy. I know.
(((hugs)))
Hi SS,
She is taking up rent space because she is harrassing you! AND your h had an affair with her!! Someday you will be done processing it and everything will works it way through. But until then i’m sorry you have to go through this. But i think whenever the salve you need on the wound has been applied, you will feel better. Of course i have no idea what that is, but you will know it when it happens. Sometimes we try to beat ourselves up for “over reacting” or “making a big deal out of things”. But your repsone to the situation is normal as normal is. It will take time, if ever, to get over these things so it is not in your mind all the time. But with some of these guys we are being asked to fogive and forget about things we never imagined. And sometimes its things that maybe should not be forgiven and forgotten. Sometimes we are asked to do this for oursleves, our hoeps and dreams, our family…etc. But i think we have to take care of ourselves and try not to expect or do more than we are capable of. Love, FloraSs, I had to come face to face with one of my h’s playmates last week. She still works for us and there is nothing that can be done about that. He is forbidden from working in that location, but we had to go there to pick up some things and then there we all were. I was cool as a cucumber on the outside. We carried some stuff out to the car and got in and he started small talk and I came unglued.
Like your h, he skimmed over it all and pretended that it was of no consequence. He needed to step up and acknowledge that my stomach was turning and show some concern. He was concerned, I know, but he was more concerned with how unpleasant it would be for him if we actually spoke of it. We spoke of it alright, but only because I called him on it. I was furious. They need to get that the flow of raging emotion can be stemmed if they face the obvious head on.
Maybe you could remember her like he probably does. It ended for a reason. Ill bet it didnt have any of the markers of a real relationship – just available sex. When the chase has been satisfied there isn’t anything left that is compelling or pleasant to think about. Haven’t you ever looked back at a liaison and thought…’yuck, I really don’t want to think about that’. Not so simple for us but it would make moving on easier. Hurricane Irene pales in comparison to the one in your head!
Ugh! that must have been terrible for you! It takes os much energy to hold our compusure on the outside while that storm is raging inside.
Always thinking of themselves, whiny little cowards.
Love to you, LYLO,
Debora
Hi SS,
Evict the bit*ch and tell her you’re living there now. Then tell her to F.O. and it doesn’t mean ‘far out!’
love, napDear Lylo,
BIG SIGH. Sometimes I just don’t know what to say, so think is then best if I just shut my trap? BIG HUG Karen
Thank you everyone – you guys are so awesome.
Lylo – OMG – I bow down to you. I don’t know how you held yourself together but I give you major kudos for being able to have such restraint. I’d like to think I’d be able to do the same, but I’m not so sure.
I think I’ll begin to feel closure once I file the complaint. It will give me some sense of power over her I think. I know that from her past behaviors, she is going to continue to pop up from time to time and I’ll be damned if I’m going to change my FB or my email to run and hide from her psycho ass.
Much love,
SS
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