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Does it ever stop? There is now a second baby from my SA. Two out of wedlock now.
When will I wake up and this nightmare thats become my life be over?
Lori,
So sorry. My God, I wonder if the nightmare ever ends sometimes, too. I wish I could hug you, I’ll send a virtual hug your way. Hang tough dear friend. Our hearts go out to you and we will be hanging around you like angels to help you through this tough time. Post when you can. Much love.Lori – I am so sorry-seems like your’e life isn’t getting any better. I am wondering if there were ever any clues or gut feelings for you that something was wrong. Did he keep up with the sex? Was he out at times that made you suspicious.
Just curious, and a topic we should visit.
Love and hugs to you.lori im so sorry does it ever stop i just dont know i really wish i did from everything ive read it doesnt seem to likely i do believe the nightmare will end it feels to me it happens when we the partner decide once and for all that we will no longer allow the sa to violate our boundaries and values and we hold ourselves to those standards we decide for us and nobody else please know you are in my thoughts
Oh my God, Lori! That is so complicating for you and your daughter. How old are these other children? They didn’t ask to be born into this either. How can he live with himself?
I hope you are alright. are you taking good care of yourself? I forgot when you said your surgery was. I’m so sorry, big hugs from up north.
Lori,
Just want you to know Im thinking of you and Im so sorry you are going through this right now…We are here for you…Love, NAPDear Lori,
Obviously Mr. Charming does not believe in condoms, so therefore count your lucky stars that you don’t have anything. Lori, the shock must be horrible, (God I know the feeling, ) but, there is always a reason we find out about their shit. It’s no coincidence. If you were considering reconciling? You found out for a reason. you have been given more important info to see clearly. And painful as it is, I believe it is Love of God that opens our eyes. We need the truth even if hurtful. So often as partners we say “no more lies no more deception”. And then the truth uglier than hell shows up on doorstep. And we don’t want to deal with it. But we asked for it. We need to let the truth seep in as part of our healing process. Honest discolsure of information is important for us. I don’t want another 9 years of BS. I know that much. I am sure you don’t either. So there is a bright side here. truth. 2nd kid out of wedlock. Maybe more that even he does not know about. You need to know that because it will launch you to a better place, not a worse one. Like, where he is going to be hanging out for sure.
Lori, I don’t know who these women are, or if you have filed for divorce or seperation. But, if you helped build a business—you need to protect that and not let these out of wedlock women and their kids come after your assets- they will. Assets need to be placed in a trust– your house, your business etc—and heirs need to be named. Everything that YOU built with him, needs to be shared between you, him and your kids only- a trust will do that. No outsiders.
With all the birth control available, unplanned pregnancies with these women is not only because he does not use protection. Why did these women have unprotected sex?These women have the baby because they smell money. Otherwise, they would not bother. Don’t let illegetimate children take your hard work. I know you don’t want to think about “money” right now. But please protect what remains for your kids. Play him like a violin. Get what you need. Thats all there is at this point.
Plus, for the record, while I am sorry for your pain, I am happy you got the truth. Let it guide you on your healing journey to a better place. And watch him fall to wherever his addiction takes him. love
Dear Lori,
Just read your post and I’m so sorry! Just when I think my own life was tough, I read about you my dear sister, and my pity parties seem so selfish. I agree with Pam C, if you have business assets, please protect those, it can become really complicated. Hang in there sweetie.So so so sorry about this revelation, Lori I agree that you really need to get your ducks in order. No decisions have to be made but you need things in order so that you are protected while you take whatever time you need to process and pray/meditate. I do wonder why adults have unprotected sex. That being said it’s still just dirty illicit sex void of real intimacy, not special baby-making specific sex which is only important to point out so that you aren’t more injured about the act itself just because it resulted in pregnancy which can happen even with protection. I just don’t think you need additional pain. Hope that makes sense.
Thank you so much ladies. It is nice to feel not so alone.
He did use condoms, not that that makes it any better, but the first baby he suspects she tampered with the condom because her soul purpose for the seduction was to get pregnant. She wanted a baby and no man to deal with. This latest baby they are both in shock because they did use a condom and she is married so she didn’t want that risk.
Thankfully the HIV and all the other STD testing has come back negative thus far, but there is a part of me that would have an easier time dealing with some STD’s. The ones you can take meds for and have them go away. The babies are permanent. So is dealing with their mothers for the rest of my life if I chose to stay with him. The first mom does not want my SA around. He will have to fight to have a part in that babies life. She wants nothing financially from him because she just wants him to disappear from their lives. The second one wants to continue to allow her husband to believe he is the father of the baby and not lose her marriage. It’s a tangled situation because both of my therapists feel I cannot heal unless I tell the spouses because of my intense guilt at withholding it. So, if I tell, I am sure she will want support for this child because she is certain her husband will leave. They have two children together. This third son that is my husbands and she is pregnant again.
I just keep questioning how this has become my life. I was raised in a “normal” middle class home. “Normal” value system. And somehow I am living a life like that of Maury Povich’s show. How was I so very wrong about this man for so long? And now what?
UGH!!!!! It’s all so much to take in.
Lori
Hi Lori,
I just wanted to share this with you. It may or may not be helpful. I always hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Having a Plan B written out for myself is reassuring to me that if push comes to shove I have the steps I need in place to move on. You are a strong woman, however, we can only handle so much before we break down…and you want to keep yourself in a good place if you can. I also have written a personal truth-and try to live my life by it. If others compromise that personal truth, then I choose not to have them in my life…too unhealthy…Thinking of you…Love, NAPDear Lori,
Thanks for clarification on condom thing. Amazing that the events unfolded the way that they did. Just a thought — isn’t it kind of the biological mother and father’s call on whether the child knows or not? I am a little surprised that both therapists think any revealing should occur by you. In a true world, things should be transparant, but I don’t see how you are responsible for any of it, the guilt you feel is all his, not yours,. Don’t over compensate for his lack of morals. you are a guiltless victim here. I mean If you are considering staying with him perhaps that could be a boundary that he would have to meet, his full disclosure to the women/kids he fathered if he wants to stay married to you. If that is your boundary- great. But those kids and women have nothing to do with you. I hope I do not upset you Lori, but I think everything is suspect with these guys. I don’t know if I buy the condom failed twice story- 1 tamper, 1 fail. Anything is possible here, it may be, but what are the odds that we don’t get the truth from our SA’s? pretty high. Mine lied straight to my face as I viewed his ad on craigs list. He said it was someone else. Like I don’t know my own husband’s body!! He fessed up next day but I had to dig and play detective. just sayin . . . .cuz I love you. and I have recently been very disappointed. we must question everything. there is no solid ground here but us. pls carry on and be the wonderful mother and woman that you are.
As the Dildo Turns
Lori… I actually feel nauseous reading about this latest news. This dude should be in prison for his reckless endangerment towards the human species.
Now… How do you know for a fact that he was WEARING a condom? Not that it really matters, at this point, but I for one, do not believe a thing that he says. Its all just too too gross for words. I’m just so sorry for your never ending nightmare.
I’m sending you strength and prayers. xo ~ L
Hi Lexie and Pam,
I only feel confident he did use a condom because he still has spyware on his phone and I could read the texts between the two of them when he got the results. Her disbelief because they used a condom and his asking if she was sure they did because there was alcohol involved. He “was pretty sure” and she was absolutely 100% sure and said she had a few drinks, but wasn’t near drunk enough to have had sex without one.
Other than that I would never believe him either, but condom or none, there is still a baby.
Lori
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