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“how I was huddled against the wall agreeing with all his hatefulness just to keep it from escalating”
How many times was I there? Not necessarily from escalating physically, although who knows? I just knew he scared the shit out of me when he got ugly.
if you are truly afraid that your h will physically harm you out of anger, then any kind of relationship is hopeless.
When I caught my first husband cheating, he slammed my face into the dashboard of our minivan (yeah, I know). That sociopath tried to kill me. I fought back, kicked him, escaped and ran for help. The next day, he showed up with the police to get his things. He’d told THEM that I attacked HIM. The police took one look at me and turned on him–told him to get his things and leave me alone. The black eye lasted for over three weeks. There was no going back after that. And I’d never dreamed he was capable of doing me bodily harm.
I had never seen violence or near violence with a partner except two other times. One shoved me into a wall after I found out he and his hs sweetheart had never broken up as he claimed while dating me. He was at her place when I got there to tell her. So I told her and he shoved me into a wall calling me a liar. The other was when I was going to KU years ago with a different boyfriend to see my BFF. He twisted off screaming at me bc of my career plans after college. Called me stupid and dumb and told me he had killed before and on and on. Just crazy rants. I was hugging the pass door agreeing with him to not piss him further. The first chance the car stopped at a red light I fucking bailed with my purse and ran like I was on fire in the dark no less. Getting raped on campus in the dark would’ve been welcomed at that point compared to the ride from hell I just had. Made it to my friends and she got me back home.
That goofy fuck called my friend telling her how sorry he was and he wanted me back. She laughed and told him me not returning his calls is considered by many to be a clue and he needed to get one. After the fright fest ride we were done! I never spoke to him again.
He was a bad boy, wore a blk leather jacket and he was not my typical boy next door I had always dated. We only dated a few months anyhow.
I got my job two yrs later so he can kiss my ass about all his nasty jabs he took about my career and my intelligence.
I don’t associate with those type people knowingly.
I told my mil after the shower rant that hubs was lucky I know to keep my mouth shut in an attempt to de-escalate his rage or else I would’ve shot his ass had I been a hot head. She agreed he was lucky and thankfully, my inlaws scolded him for such inexcusable behavior.
I will never stay with him if there’s a repeat and I told him that.
I used to think that too before h came so close in the shower. Never say never, just be open to the fact anything is possible.
With these guys, it’s really in our best interests to think “could he hurt me physically in this situation” as opposed to “WOULD he hurt me in this situation”. We really, really don’t know.
My children’s father, when he was trying to prove me incompetent as a mother called and reported me missing when I left him. Said I went crazy and just disappeared and nobody knew where I was. I was at my mothers. Big mystery, right?
I called and told the police exactly where I was, and that I was fine, but I had filed a restraining order, etc. etc. The detective told me he was glad to hear from me. I asked why, he said “Most men who call with that kind of ‘my wife ran off acting crazy’ report, it’s pretty common to find their wife in a ditch somewhere, dead or near dead, if we find her at all. I’m glad you’re alive and with family.” That was a scary thing to hear.
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