So, that’s the issue!

I don’t want to give you the impression I’m loose. In fact my husband is the only man I have ever had sex with.
I think at that time I felt so rejected and so undesirable (still do). All I knew way back then was that my husband was having a relationship with another woman. I didn’t know she was a hooker. All I knew was her age and where she lived and she had children. I didn’t even know it was sexual.
I’m having a really crappy over-sensitive day today.

Cat, I only know you through this website, and only for a few weeks, but I would put money down that you are in no way “loose”! The mere suggestion that any of the sisters might have that impression from your email made me laugh. Of course, I can’t speak for them, but I highly doubt anybody read your original post that way. You seem like such a sweet and kind and caring and careful lady. Definitely NOT loose sexually.

There is nothing at all wrong with your feelings, and I applaud you for having the courage to put them out there and share them with us. It is so helpful to see how this SA shit affects other women, even if it affects us differently. So thank you for sharing that.

Sometimes I have these dreams where I am doing something fun with some male stranger. We’ve never kissed in those dreams, but he will put his arm around me and go places with me and I know, in the dream, that he likes me. Those are such comforting dreams for me, and I feel the warmth from them for days.

But those dreams are rare. Most of the time my dreams are screaming, bloody, violent nightmares. I thrash and sweat and scream all night long. Even last night, after three Xanax pills and a healthy dose of nyquil.

To add to an earlier thread…you know you have PTSD when you wake screaming in the middle of the night and your poor dogs are so used to it they barely open their eyes, and don’t even lift their heads to see what’s going on.

🙁

Dear Cat, when I read your initial post re thinking about having sex with men, I wish I had chimed in instead of leaving you dangle! Sooooo sorry. The truth is, these guys leave us feeliing so crappy, undesirable and unattractive, not to mention destroying our trust in both men, and our own judgement, that I think it is very normal to just want to feel like and be treated like a woman again.
When I left my SA, the first thing I did was to start dating. Not because I felt on the rebound, but because I knew that healthy normal interaction with men would be like medicine to that part of me that had shrivelled up and died. I was right, it was a nice little boost of REALITY! Because the reality is that none of us are unattractive or undesirable, but many of us have come to that sad mistaken conclusion due to our entanglement with alien creepos!
On the upside, most unexpectedly, I did end up meeting a lovely man who adores me and who I trust. Oh, and who I enjoy sex/intimacy with!
So, Cat, please dont think anyone here is judging you. Many of us can relate. What I am most sick about is that a part of me was willing, even desperate to have sex with my herpes infected SA troll! Am I ever thankful for his rejection now!

Feelingconflicted, I did the same ‘hyperbonding’ thing. I thought I must be some kind of pervert, because my sex drive had been in a coma for years, and then I find out about his secret life, and suddenly I’m buying a red bra and putting on perfume and showing up at the motel I’d shipped him off to. But apparently this kind of thing is common after discovery, or else we’re all pervs. That heightened drive didn’t last long though. All it took was a few months of experiencing his weird post-discovery mood swings..as well as letting the reality of what he’d done sink in, and the realization that no, virginia, we weren’t going to be ‘closer than ever’ as some of those damn books say… and it was bye-bye horny hyper-bonds. xoxo

I did that too. I worked really hard to get him to have sex with me after my first dday last year. I am still ashamed of that. Thanks for posting your experiences on that issue, too.

Catherine, I didn’t have your experience. I had the reclaiming territory experience initially. Your experience actually sounds like a healthier response. Lynn, I think your SAH is as bad as Teri’s. It was tough to look at how normal he looked in his picture, aside from the fire juggling. I guess I pictured your husband and Teri’s as having some sort of evil flaw on their faces, you know, like at the movies. Unbelievable about the OCD diagnosis. I think you should take Catherine up on the Four Seasons in Maui therapy.