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I put that under “not my problem”. Let others figure it out or not……
Tell who you want but I wouldn’t waste time on worrying about whatever facade they were putting on to others…..
I also would not be 100% convinced that everyone fell for it. It’s like the Emperor and the clothes……
This has been a difficult thing for me… not caring. Not being bothered by his ability to go on unaffected. It’s not fair (yes, i sound like a 2 year old, i know). But I do have to lose these feelings of wanting him to pay, and revenge, so hard to just go numb. I’m working on it though;-)
It is the most difficult thing you will ever do. Don’t shortchange yourself. Even trying to do it is herculean.
Reading this is too freaky for words.
I looked after our dogs this weekend (they stayed with my h when I moved out) and he gave me a key to the house (my house to which I already had a key but I didn’t mention that) and I found a copy of “the psychopath test” on his book case.
What do you make of all that?That’s interesting jos. My next searches were doing to be “do psychopaths KNOW they are psychopaths”. Now I’m reading about the kids. I just don’t know. when I read that, he IS all that. But then there are things that contradict it a bit. Mainly our boys. He is WONDERFUL, I’m not exaggerating, with them. They get his time, play, love and full attention. He is ALWAYS kind. Brian is not condicending or critical of people (the loathing or ppl are beneath him part). In fact, he is very pleasant to be around. He just doesn’t seem to feel things. BUT, the way he has treated me and so many other women is exactly like that.
They even say with the kids, they may be interested now because they are a reflection of themselves and make them look good. but that they dont care for them or take care of them. He does, he worries more than me when out in public (letting them use bathroom alone, etc). I say he’s almost 9, he’ll be fine. I don’t know. I just don’t know what to think.
I have no idea, while I can see behaviors of my SJ in all of it: narc, sociopath, psychopath, and I saw the term borderline personality disorder on one of his medical bills, I just don’t know. Trying to know makes me relive stuff I’d rather not, so I’m leaving that up to the professionals he supposedly sees twice a week. He’s one damned scary human being. I am sooooo thankful to be finally getting the divorce. Kinda scared he’ll show up to tell me I’m going to hell, but I’ll just answer “You’re late, I’ve already been there and back. Your turn now.”
I just think they are really fucked up and we need to avoid them because they are toxic. It’s a personal decision to stay or go and I respect that. However, staying after reading all the callousness of a sociopath or narcissist or cheating asshole, is a recipe for unhappiness, unfulfilment, frustration, lonliness, precious yrs lost to someone who is just using us. NO THANK YOU I’ve got better things to do…….
“As we’ve seen, psychopaths hold themselves in high regard and others in low regard.”
That’s my H in a nutshell.
Sounds like a Thunderdome Death Match to me! I don’t think any of our SA’s would be much of a match for Miss Beverly Dawn!
Kelly, don’t you think that just having to question whether your partner is a psychopath is sort of enough to establish the fate of the relationship?? I mean how many wives lay around in bed at night thinking that….. I don’t know exactly what kind of disorder your partner has BUT I know it is something pretty damn bad. The question is NOT whether he is a psychopath or not. The question is why you want to stay with a man who hurts you so badly and so repeatedly that you question whether he might be one of the basest human beings on the planet?
I love you girls!! Your faith in me is probably misplaced but I will try to live up to it. I am mean though when I am cornered 🙂
Karen is right …..It does not matter what we call them. It matters that you think your H might be a psycho. Nobody normal does that.
‘Nut Jobs’ work just fine.
I’m not being hard on you, Kelly. I think most of us have wondered what kind of people could possibly hurt their families this way and have concluded their husband could possibly be one of the inner dead. Those initial thoughts are terrifying and chilling. But, eventually you realize if you are having those thoughts about your life partner something is
very, very, wrong. We have to ask ourselves what we hope to accomplish with that kind of man. I do remember one of the main points in “the Sociopath next door”…one way to pick them out from the other psychos. She said be very wary of anyone who hurts you repeatedly and THEN tries to get you to feel sorry for THEM? She says the hallmark of a sociopath is the use of “pity” to manipulate people. Guess we better line up most of the husbands on here then. 🙁And take a flat head shovel to their heads. As with zombies, the only way to take down a sociopath is to separate them from their brains.
Actually I did make it up, Jenny. Not sure where that came from? Maybe Bev is right……though mine is pretty clingy for an undead. I expect him to try to climb into my coffin with me…so I can be fucked over for eternity. 😉
Maybe they turn very clingy after they discover that we don’t care? Like vampires needing human blood?
They don’t want to lose their curtain. They find hiding in our lives comforting. Without us they only have themselves and they don’t like it. They have to look at their behavior straight up and they need a cover to feel better about themselves. Plus if they are a narcissist they lose their major source of ‘narcissistic supply’ (which can be positive or negative supply).
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