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perhaps they should live next door. ~ Katharine Hepburn
from one of the quotes.
just found out that our next door neighbors who’ve been renting for the last 12 years are moving out… of course, my h can’t afford the rent!
I didn’t get married until I was 27. Fortunately, I had relationships before I got married. One in particular was very wonderful. We dated 5 years, were very compatable, he was always a gentlemen, we did alot of fun things together. He was an English major and very much into the arts. Growing up in a rural area watching corn grow, I always felt a sense of adventure with him. He was very handsome, great build, a wonderful lover. After college, he wanted to join the peace corps and I wanted to get married. He wasn’t ready, was very nice about it, and we went our separate ways. I literally felty heart break when it ended and it took me a long time to get over him. I still think about him now and then.
Hi girls,
Have been deathly ill with a killer flu for over a week and literally could not do anything but lay in bed coughing, so I have not posted too much. I have tried to read though. 🙂 Anyway, I have a dear best friend who moved within a 4 hour drive of me, last year. I have known her since I was 15 BUT we have spent most of our friendship living thousands of miles apart. This March, she found out her husband of 5 years is a raging porn addict (and God knows what else?). They are currently living apart and she and I have been supporting each other and marvelling at how we could both be so different yet have the same damn problem?? 🙂 She is currently involved in a support group offered by Marsha Means (sp?) site. We were talking last night about the lasting effects of being involved with SA and we concluded that one of the WORST remnants of being duped by a SA/PD is that you feel you will never trust another man again? She is one of the most compasssionate, tolerant people I have ever met and she said she now finds herself looking at EVERY man wondering what he is doing behind his partner’s back. It occurs to me that of all the things they take….this may be one of the most crucial losses, because if we come to believe that ALL men are like them, then we are left with no hope? These dudes represent about 1-2% of the population. That means there has to be 98% of men out there that are NOT psychos? Maybe not perfect and maybe not even faithful, BUT also NOT looking to just marry some good woman as a cover for their own twisted, private lives? It takes a very special kind of sicko to do what our husbands have done and I do NOT believe that the majority of men are as sadistic, deceitful, discusting, and pathologically selfish as that. If we allow ourselves to emotionally feel that all men are like that….they have truly taken away our hope for what good can exist between a man and a woman? Karen xPS you will ALL be happy to know that the good characteristics we all share are EXACTLY the qualities that attract a psychopath to their prey…….cheery news eh? We didn’t choose these men…they chose us! Karen x
That is exactly right Karen, Its cause we are all dripping with sugar we are so sweet and loving.
my therapist told me that I was too kind, patient and accepting.
fuck that!
Maybe it’s that 1-2% are in treatment or have admitted to being sex addicts? I’d bet my right pinkie toe the actual number is higher. I do that ‘wonder about him and him…’ thing too. I also wonder how often I’m being objectified (I mean, my SA wasn’t/isn’t too discriminating) even at 48. And when I’m with my beautiful daughters–12, 22, and 24–I can really get my hackles up.
Bingo Karen! (and sorry you are sick!) That is the thought that is very, very often on my mind… i can see myself on a date looking at him, like he’s going to mug and rape me…
how endearing… I’m sure that’ll make him fall madly in love with me… 🙁
But, its a very, very good point.
My husband WAS the nicest, kindest, sweetest man—EVER!!!!!!!!!! for a very, very long time!!! (although, I guess he always did use other women for emotional support and he most likely looked at a lot of porn too.)
But… I think i read that it was more 5-7% of the population are sociopaths. Of course, not ALL socios are SAs, but they probably are.
Also, I believe that with the advent of the internet, the number of addies is sky rocketing! too easy, to get and too tempting… its right there… and then… BAM, they get sucked in!
I was thinking… certainly, any man who was normal and who truly loved us, would understand… I would propose that EACH of us, get an annual lie detector test, to build trust? I wonder what others think about that, or is that too rad?
xo ~ L
Sociopaths can pass lie detector tests. I know my exsah could his heart or bp wouldn’t skip a beat. I think I’m just going to enjoy being single. It’s hard to trust for me right now.
ewww… you are right, Nap. yuck.
interview, friends, ex lovers? ugh… no. they are all “psycho”
but, i think that actually, all of our fucktards do have red flags, in the beginning that we don’t head.
the truth is that i have less than ZERO desire to date… although, sometimes i do think that at least, my vast experience…lol, will stand me in good stead, when I am ready! I am far less apt to fall for a lame predator!
I wouldn’t suggest it on the very first date Sexie Lexie 🙂 The thing is …..we probably just need to take it very slow? Not the dating BUT the proceeding beyond dating?? If we all don’t starve to death first…..what is the need to rush into anything? Date until you want to make it more serious…THEN…suggest the polygraph as a condition of moving forward. Ha ha I can just see the guy’s face. lol But on a serious note…that is the kicker? How do you trust AFTER you have married the “nice guy” and he turns out to be an emotional axe murderer….a quarter of a century later??? I guess you have to be like Diane and have a good line of communication with the man upstairs and ask him to lend a helping hand or better yet, a guiding light? sigh
Karen xxOh and after you take the lie detector test… just so you know… I managed to contract several dangerous strains of HPV… hope that’s okay?
hopeless… ain’t it? 🙁
you know… sex addicts are ALL completely squeaky clean… D/D free, they call it. They are also SANE, NORMAL– or “just” looking for a friendship “first and foremost”
maybe the problem is the INTERNET?!?!?!?!
We could start our own website: Make your own mate.com You could request all the qualities you wanted. Mine would have a very large……………………..vocabulary.
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