- This topic has 25 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 14 years ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Hi everyone.
A couple of us have been posting about possibly of going on a cruise. A singles cruise idea was pitched, which I think is a great idea. But really any cruise will do. I know some are married, so maybe the singles cruise would not work. But a singles cruise is based on a single cruiser as in one person, rather than family events all day.But anyway i think it is a really good idea. We could get out and pamper ourlselves and take a much needed break.
If you have posted interest already please post again here. And we can discuss things here.
My sister was really just kidding about a singles cruise – she said we should all go o one and kick up our heals, but any cruise is fine with me.
How shall we go about working it out? And we wil have to decide when a good time will be for everyone.
Lets have everyone post on this site if they would be committed to doing this, and then we can go from there.I am definitely interested! I would need some time to save (at least a couple months) but after that, I’m good! Even if it isnt for 6 or 8 months, whenever! I want to meet you guys and what a great way to do it!! Count me in!
I’m definitely interested. Timing is always an issue with 2 teens at home, but the $ can def. be saved!
hi ladies there was a forum some time ago called “lets get together” joann had stated she would like to have some sort of convention for all of us in the summer. i thought maybe you would like to know. check it out.
Let’s do the convention and then Book a cruise for the Fall! Then, we can meet at the convention and vacation together after that! Hell, let’s just buy a big mansion and all move in together! That would solve one of my MANY dilemmas!! (like where I’m gonna live after I leave my beautiful home of 17 years!!!
Hi Silverlining,
Why do you have to leave? Why can’t he leave? My experience has been that when we are at the point you are, most of us think after years of conditioning from them that they have more rights to that than we do. They don’t. You have a long term marriage and nothing to be ashamed of. Tell him he needs to leave, let the courts figure it out if he won’t. The instability and uncertainty of being out of his comfort zone would be exactly what he needs to let him know that his choices have gotten him where he is and the stability and comfort of being in your own home is also exactly what you need:)
Our active SA spouses keep us so off balance and so beaten down that sometimes we don’t give ourselves as many options as we have.
Thinking of you,
MarieHi all,
Since Im in the divorce process, I would need to know how much approximately a cruise like this would cost? If anyone can give me estimates Id appreciate it. If I can swing it, I think a “good time would be had by all”.Hi All!!
And if I can get any money out of this asswipe, once it is said and done, I would even try to help others that couldn’t afford it! This is important to all of us and I would hate it if someone couldn’t go because of funds!!!!Also,
Thank you, Marie! Your words offer comfort and you are absolutely right! I was going to try to co-exist with him once I file, until we both have to go, but I just don’t think I can do it. I gathered even MORE evidence against him on Friday and I have been sick ever since. I will put it in forum post later for all to read. So, now I’m thinking that I just can’t stand the site of him any longer and I really don’t feel like dealing with him for several months (or longer) till this whole thing is said and done. My attorney said we can request a preliminary hearing and get him out of the house if that is what I want to do. At first, I resisted, but now I am thinking I will….. thoughts? If I can gather up the strength in the next couple of days, I think I am going to file this week….. I really feel like it is TIME!! I don’t think I am “ready” but, will I ever be ready? Is there ever a good time??
I realize that we’ve veered off subject, but Marie took the words right out of my mouth and I just wanted to give you a cyber (((((((((hug)))))))) SL. Please know that we are all collectively holding your hand and sending much strength and love.
Silver Lining,
Lost my first try. Shorter version now:)
If I remember, you have all this evidence and he doesn’t know it. Right?
He is very comfortable in his secret world and when you expose him and file for divorce, he may go into a rage. He will have a lot to process. the loss of his secrecy, his marraige and family, his reputation and standing in his job and social circle, his money, etc. Most of these guys are Jekyll-Hyde.
Please think this through to keep yourself safe and any possessions you don’t want destroyed. You might want to disclose and serve him with a third party or intervention situation or serve and be gone for a week. Or change the locks, set a couple suitcases outside the door and serve him.
You have been very smart and kept your cool through this. Keep it up. You definetely are in the drivers seat.
Some thoughts,
Debora
Hi Silver Lining,
I don’t know if i even to this day have the 100% feeling that with no doubt that for sure i want to get divorced. I thought this was forever and he was “the one”. But i know in my heart I am doing the right thing and I know that i need to do it. If that makes anysense. There will always be fears, however big or little, but sometimes its time to just move on. Like you said, its time. And at this time for me, the bad far outweighs the good and gets worse everyday. And the cracks in his facade and in our relationship become bigger. So I am 100% confident in my decision that I do not want to be married to him anymore, but there are always times of fear and doubt.Silver Lining- I think you are making the right decision, and we are all here for you. I do agree with Debora. I would be very careful how you handle this. If he is clueless that you know anything about his secret life, and then you spring it on him who knows how he will react. Have you thought about confronting him with, someone present, and then tell him what your plans are. If you just have him put out and file for divorce, you don’t know what kind of reaction you will see out of him. Please be careful. His world is all of a sudden going to be yanked out from underneath him, and you could very well see aa side of him you have never seen before. Of course, I think you know him better than anyone-does he have a temper. Has he shown fits of rage/anger in the past?
I also agree with Marie. Unless you just don’t want to keep the house, why don’t you make HIM leave. It is his problem, and I wouldn’t let him put you out in any way.
As Flora said, we all have second thoughts, even though we know it is what we have to do. Stay strong and follow through.
My prayers are with you.Thank you one and all! I love you guys! You always have such sound advice! And starting with Marie and ending with Sharron, you are right! Why should HE leave? I mean, I don’t know how it will end up at the end of the divorce – who gets the house or if we sell it or what– but let’s face it, those things take time and why shouldn’t I be in the comfort of my home and going through all our things in my own time and in peace without HIM lurking around. I definitely wasn’t planning on going anywhere at first, but I figured we would both stay here – but now I know that it won’t be possible, because he physically makes me ill with what he has done and continues to do.
But yes, you are all correct that he doesn’t know that I know and I have known for about three months now!! UGH!!! It has been very hard! Especially when I discover new evidence on a daily basis! Sigh….. I had a little reprieve when he changed all passwords and I was temporarily locked out for about three weeks – in a way it was nice. I couldn’t obssess over it every five minutes and I wasn’t spending every waking hour checking things out. It was a nice break. I know he was still doing it – but I didn’t have specifics. The bad news?? It makes it easy to fall back into routine of daily living and I wasn’t so fired up to get motivated and DO WHAT I NEED TO DO. I just kept making excuses…. of why this wasn’t a good day/week to do anything! I was practically hiding from my awesome brother who is trying to help me get through this. He went with me to the lawyer, PAID THE CONSULTATION FEE OF $250, is offering to shell out the $2500.00 retainer fee, and is setting up an account in his name starting with $5000.00 and giving me signing authority, so I can have some day to day money if all of our assets get frozen. Nice brother, huh? I have 3 awesome brothers! This one is one year older than me! He is married and has a family and lives about an hour away. He has worked his ass of for years and is now 49 years old and in semi-retirement and has plenty of money to help me with the transition. I, of course, will pay him back, but it’s nice to have the support. Just thinking of poor Hurtheart out there with no one to help! Ugh! I am so blessed with the family, friends, and resources I have to draw from. It certainly doesn’t make this decision any easier – but at least I have some help! I was going to rush out this week and file, but now that I read all of your posts and advice, maybe I need to think through the “pulling of the trigger” and be sure that I have everything in place to make sure I am safe and that this is as smooth as a transition as possible. I hear you on the third party, but I’m not sure how to handle that and who it should be….. And intervention? I mean, I know what an intervention IS, but what would your suggestions be on an intervention of THIS sort…. especially when there is no room for negotiation because I’m done. Like I said before, I don’t want to tell him he’s “CAUGHT” and then insist he get help, when I know he would just be in false recovery…. and I get to live another 17 years in this nightmare marriage. No thanks! It’s too bad, because I truly did love him as my husband and he can be a GREAT guy, without SA, but in my heart of hearts, with this one particular man who is my husband, I’m gonna have to say…. once an SA, always an SA….. and I know it will be harder for me, if he begs and pleads and really seems sincere, but I don’t even know if he will go that route THIS TIME, and even if he does, it’s just more of the same…………. LIES………….. to get him out of a bad situation………. I dunno ladies…… I want to do this right. I only have one chance to pull the trigger and I have bit my tongue and gathered my evidence for months now…. I want to make sure I have all my ducks in a row…. I want to be safe… and I want to take him for everything he’s worth…. because he has (practically) ruined my life for 17 years now and he deserves to suffer a little!!!!Thank you ALL, for your awesome posts of advice and support! I listen to each and every one of you and really consider all my options. Your wise words and years of experiences are invaluable in helping me make good, solid, choices! Keep them coming!
Get together related,
Maybe when JoAnn gets back she will have some info on the get together. I know she is very busy and probably wants to put framework together and etc for the get together. But i would think it would be fun even if it is a weekend etc. We are pretty go at keeping ourselves amused. But maybe this year we can wing it, have it in her area, and maybe we can lay the foundation work of what we would like to see in the future. We could all get together, brainstorm and help her out. In the meantime we can all meet. So we could run it as a way to meet eachother, and then brainstorming sessions. Organize a couple of “fun things” like shows, dinners out, movie, spa day etc for the evenings.A cruise idea is good (great), but really i would settle for a weekend in St. Louis. It would also keep the cost and length of time down. I know most are limited on time and money, myself included.
And like silver said, we can do both. But maybe baby steps to start. A weekend trip is a whole lot more doable. I have three kids, so I know all about the hurdles to get away for a couple days.
Hi Flora – My funds are limited as well. Meeting in St. Louis would be a lot cheaper. That may be the way to go. We can always do the cruise later if we want to.
maybe we should just show up, just kidding.
Aslo this year the interest may be low, with the new site and such. I would imagine that it may take a year to get a strong following off this site, of people who would actually attend. For me and others like us, I don;t much care about the sex addict aspect, just would like to get out and meet everyone. Quite frankly that is not my mo of this get together. I know a few like us, are moving beyond that life.I agree – I really would like to meet everyone though. We have all stuck together through thick and thin – would be nice to put a face to everyone we have communicated with, and grown close to on the site.
A weekend in St. Louis does sound more doable for me too. Planning as far in advance as possible is important too as I have company coming this summer from Florida, though not sure just when yet. I’ve been a big advocate of a get together to see each other face to face and more importantly to talk and hug and support one another.
Hi all,
I agree with St. Louis too. Maybe we can get a nice hotel with a reasonable group rate. We could plan a meet and greet, a nice dinner at a famous St. Louis restaurant, and make it lots of fun. Would be great if we all stay in the same place so we can mingle. Sounds really fun!
- The forum ‘Light Beams’ is closed to new topics and replies.