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I am so excited and nervous I am starting a new job on Monday. I have been a SAHM since 1999 and now about to start a new chapter in my life.
Please keep me in your thoughts on Monday!
OK my question, do I or do I not tell the SAH about my new job?
We are still legally married (but he is living with his parents), I have mixed feelings. Please give me your thoughts! Pro’s and Cons…{{{hugs}}}
JacSo excited for you!!!
I don’t know to tell or not to tell. Are there kids at home? Does he need to know?? Are they any reasons not to tell??
What do you think?
You don;t have to tell him anything if you do not want to!! Or wait until it seems the right time>Love,
FloraI also can’t say.
The old me, wouldn’t even think twice about telling him. Of course!!! But, the new me, thinks and thinks and thinks and is OUT for me!
The only thing is, that if you don’t tell him, he could use it against you, as:
“see, you tell lies too, so don’t accuse ME of lying to YOU!”
just thinking of the possibilities… 🙁
Congratulations on your new job. That is very exciting! I’m not sure what your relationship is with him, but I think I’d let him find out on his own…?
Love, NapEveryone of you have the same thoughts and questions that are going through my mind. Right now we have a civil relationship, and yes kids are involved one is in a residential facility and the 18yo other took off to live with his friend a week ago. Kids are involved but right now none at home. 🙁
When I got the job I was so excited that he was the first person I started to call. Then I slammed on the brakes and screamed WTF! He made his choice, so now he will have to live with it. I had a difficult decision to make not to put sah down as my emergency contact. Thats when I think it hit me, that I am moving on. WOW. Terrifying and exciting. Dont get me wrong I still love him, and I am extremely sad and angry about the death of my marriage to him.
Did he lose his right not to know what I do?
{{hugs}}
JacIf you are seperated, you do not need to tell anything. Your life is your own now. Which is a nice feeling, i think. The feeling of being on your way out of disaster and onto bigger and better things. When we were sperated, i did not tell my h that i stopped wearing my wedding ring. but we were over, and i did not want to go back. There was no lieing or anything invloved, we were just no longer in eachothers lives. and that is how i wanted it. I was ready and wanted to move on.
It depends on where you are in your relationship with your and and where it is and is not going.
Love,
FloraWait his parents house, sounds so familiar. That is where mine was/still is too. He has been there a year. He prefers it there, where they coddle him, throw him money, and he does not have to lift a finger.
Love,
FloraP.S. they create jobs around the house to pay him for. Sounds like a teen, doesn’t it. Don’t get me wrong, he does work at a very low paying job for 32 hours a week while going to nursing school part time. LOL poor patients.
Separated what does that really mean? I told him that I wanted him OUT of our home and he went to his parents. Yes they coddle him, give him money and dont ask questions.
But legally we are married, nothing has even been filed, we are not even legally separated. Not sure where I stand on this fence.
Haven’t wore my wedding ring in almost 2 months, still have the flippin indentations of wearing that ring for the last 20 years.
Dazed-and-confused,
Congrats on your job!!! The start of a new life! I’m not sure of legal reasons to tell or not tell, but I say tell him if/when you feel like it. The hard part is not being able to share exciting news with the person we ALWAYS wanted to share it with. 🙁 I say, when you do tell him, just slip it in matter-of-factly. In any case, I would say do what you feel like doing at this point.Much love and good luck!!!
JulieDazed… my ring has been off for nearly three months and I still have the indentation too… 23 years… feel branded for life.
it WAS supposed to be for life…
its occurred to me, that maybe we just live too damned long. (not that I don’t wish to).
I just feel like the ring didn’t mean anything. It was just part of the conn. Someone asked me if I plan to sell it. I know I never will because it meant something to me even tho it meant nothing to him.
After I found out about the SA, I took my beautiful little antique wedding ring off and told him to sell it. My prized possession, and suddenly I couldn’t stand to look at it. I made him replace it with another after he went into recovery. Haven’t worn the new one for two months now and plan to sell it.
If you are getting divorced and you want alimony then I think you might be concerned whether you should tell him or not. They will take that into consideration when they calculate how much alimony they think you need.
Not telling him is not lying. If he asks if you got a job, then I would tell him, otherwise it’s none of his business. And if he finds out, then maybe he will realize that you are serious about moving on.
But, be prepared for him to turn everything around. He won’t like that you are being independent, that you can get along just fine without him. He will likely say that you never intended to work things out because you just went on with your life and left him behind. I’m not saying these things will happen, just saying be prepared for the manipulation and the “whoa is me” to come out of his mouth.
Very happy for you and I hope it’s a job you really like. Good luck, though I don’t think you’ll need it. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders.
Much love, Claire
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