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There have been old posts of Steph’s (Last Straw) to show the new sisters her amazing story from horrible abuse to freedom, but I think it’s educational for us all to see how she hasn’t been on the site since she got rid of her POS XH. She doesn’t feel the need for the SOS, which is a great thing! Although I love you all!!
Just an observation about how breaking free stops the anxiety (except for the evil men that torture our wonderful sisters even after they’ve done everything to rationally split).I’ll tell you what, I feel a whole lot better/normal when dr. e isn’t around. How could breaking free NOT make a difference?
Stephanie will always be living proof that you can change your life. She had everything stacked against her and she made it. I couldn’t be more proud of her if she were my own daughter.
I am glad that other sisters that have made it out of the swamp have not dropped off of the map like Teri March Nap Lynn. We need you!!! It is concerning that steph stopped it could very well be back into thr swamp and feeling weak.
I don’t know March. I am being positive and guessing that she did not. She was doing very well the last time she posted.
SOT, I have been slowly (I sometimes get stuck because I think I have to dive back in and get that stupid shoe I lost…) wiping the mud off for awhile. It is messy and painful but necessary. I also have myself and children protected financially while I am scrubbing myself 🙂
I am totally out of the swamp, but want to stay here. Because it helped me so much. I remember what it was like…
Pretty sure my posts aren’t very interesting though hopefully a little helpful.I am so sorry I didn’t mention you Bonnie, Liza Meg . Your post are both interesting and helpful. I need your strength.
I’m out of the swamp and I love you guys so i stick around and try to be helpful and I realize I’m probably really obnoxious at times :O
Bev I love your no nonsense personality. I bet that when you are hurt you are really hurt. I think you are very loving.
Nap not at all.
I’m of the mind that as long as you interact with them in any way you probably need some external support. Only by getting rid of them completely, are you completely free and even then you probably live with the memories for the rest of your life. Can be difficult to do as long as kids and finances are intertwined.Just the same, the more distance (mental or physical) you can create between you and them…..the less it hurts I think.
Yes, SOT. When I am hurt then I am deeply hurt. I do not give the ability to very many people to hurt me at all.
My mother always said that I was born an “old soul” which is a good thing since she could never grow up. Someone had to be the adult …..
I stay as far from the swamp as I can. My H is being a perfectly decent person for now. He is doing great with the kids. I try not to have much to do with him one way or the other. I don’t love him any more and that is either very sad or very good, depending on how you view it 🙂
March, if you are back in the swamp then you know you can get yourself out. You have done it before. Let us know how we can help.
I read your posts about being stuck in the swamp, getting out & then drug back in – I totally identify! I’ve told my husband I need full disclosure & polygraph (plus ongoing polygraphs) or I’ll serve divorce papers next week. It’s so hard because he’s so nice right now.
That is exactly the time to get what you need Robin. Maybe he stays nice and that is good. Maybe he doesn’t and you are flung back in the swamp even deeper. Get the disclosure, the poly, and everything else you can think of.
Robinlight milton Magness’ book has much on disclosures and the polygraph process. I would suggest you read it. Omar minwalla agrees with full disclosure and polygraphs if the partner wants it. After reading Magness book I decided that was what I wanted. I made my husband read the relevant parts of the book pre disclosure so he could understand why I wanted it it my healing and why he needed to do it for his own recovery. Fortunately post ISH I knew I was in a place where I could hear it all and feel strong enough to deal with it.
I am nowhere near to being out of the swamp, I am afraid. I am trying but he still keeps slinging muck at me. He has more control over me now than he ever did when we were married, and he is using it as much as he can.
The good news is that I am on to him and I don’t communicate with him as often. But every contact I have is horrendous- full of gaslighting, blame-shifting delusions. I get that dizzy, disoriented feeling.
I will consider myself swamp-free when I have my life back- some self-determination and the ability to actually go somewhere (even for a couple of days) without his permission and to live my life without constant faxes from his attorney.
I am sorry Teri. I didn’t mean to undermine what you are going through now. In my mind “the swamp” is when you are still trying to make it work, trying to believe their lies, being gaslight. I know you still are being lied to manipulated but you know what you are dealing with more now. As a newbie I should allow y’all to define the swamp.
The swamp for me is having to deal with him at all. And when it happens, I can FEEL it. It’s like I am living a normal-ish life. I feel like myself. My mind is clear. I can see imagine a future. And then I have some contact with him and it is the same manipulating, gaslighting, lying controlling crap. And the PTSD comes up, the trying to figure out what (if anything) I need to do in response, the trying to figure out to defend myself from the latest BS (legally, with therapists, with evaluators). It is messy dirty ugliness and I usually end up feeling disoriented and afraid. He is able to drag me back into it bc I am not really free yet.
Don’t worry, SOT. You are new and you are still smack dab in the middle of it, so how would you know my experience? I am definitely spending less time in the swamp these days- although that is about to change when we head home tomorrow. Really really dreading it. I have been out long enough that I feel clean and dry- do not want to get mucky again!
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