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Hello All,
Today is my birthday. Joanne I think I forgot to send you my DOB. I will have to update. And I just don’t know what is going on w/me, but I have bday blues and grief. yesterday I had such a great attitude, felt great and looked forward to my bday being enjoyable.
I think I have narrowed it down. Birthdays are a time of reflection. I can’t help but reflect on the ridic amount of pain this past year his addiction has brought to my life. On an off again recovery efforts, continued disappontments and active addict behavior. What do I want as a birthday gift? an honest life. He is taking me to a fancy dinner. I feel I would rather spend it with my dog and daughter. At least they have my back — today for some reason, I feel like it’s all fake. Breakfast at Tiffany’s comes to mind re: my SA. Remember in the movie when he called Audrey Hepburn, “A real fake” — my SA is like that somewhat. He believes his own lies to a certain degree. I want a real birthday with someone who is not planning his next sexscapade. Or way to maneuver around the system in place. He straddles his recovery at best. Which means — yet again, for the 19th f’ng time- he is not serious. Divorce or stay in crazyland. what a great menu to choose from. both make me lose my appetite. sorry to say, I am having a bad day. Thanks for being there, my wonderful freinds. I appreciate you listening.
Dear Pam-C
I rejoice on the day you were born. You are great company on this hard journey.
I also have a really hard time on all the holidays and special days. I never minded before if they were forgotten. But I just feel panicked if I don’t have a plan all set up.
Look it, as for your dinner. Order something ridiculous. It will make you feel free, and will also make you smile. And you might even like it!
We are with you, at that table tonight. You are a gift to the world—you are your own birthday present.
Happy Birthday to You!
love,
Diane.Happy Birthday Pam,
The special days are hard. I hope you can put the goblins out of your head and celebrate you on your birthday.
I’m drinking a labatt blue, here’s to you.
Love, Debora
Pam,
Happy Birthday, friend! I can really relate to what you said. Mother’s Day hit me really hard this year. I was in such a bad place all day, and it had hit me unexpectedly like a truck.
I love what the other ladies said. Rejoice in the day you were born–order something fun, followed by a huge dessert. Remember all of the special people in your life. They are so lucky to have you, as you are lucky to have them. We are lucky to have you here, and I wish you peace and renewal in the next year. Happy Birthday!! xoxoHappy Birthday Pam ! Just to let you in on a secret, having had both menu items…crazyland and divorce…divorce is so much tastier because it’s a new beginning! Wishing you peace and joy on your birthday my dear sister…Love, Nap
Pam, enjoy the day. You speak of reflection. I too find myself looking back, wondering, yearning, learning. But, we must remind ourselves to not allow too much reflection to blot out the moments that are here and now. Here is a quote that I just love:
Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today. ~Cherokee Indian Proverb
Happy Birthday Pam.
Happy Birthday, Pam. I’m glad you were born so we could all be together on this strange journey. I wish none of us had to be on this site, but look at the richness we have found here. And you are an important part of that.
Pam, Happy birthday dear sister. I always have believed we were all born to achieve something great no matter how small our footprints are. You have left indelible prints on my life and I’m so glad to know you and that you have my back when needed. I agree with the all the sisters, order something outrageous and celebrate your birth and life.
Luv, LindyHappy Birthday, Pam. The difference between you and me is that I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of going to dinner with him. I WOULD stay home with the dog and the daughter and I WOULD tell him that is what I prefer to do. But since your going (or already gone) I hope you enjoy it and get what you want. In fact I hope you stare at some guy’s butt when he walks by!!! I’m so bad! Have a good one girl, you are so worth it. HUGS!
Pam, regardless of how you spent your special day, tomorrow holds endless possibilities for good things…or great things…or interesting things…or maybe just precious clarity. You just never know what is around the corner! Happy birthday and many blessings to you!
pam a day late i know but happy birthday. my birthday is soon and i too dread the day. yet today you get a chance to start a new year for yourself. i do hope this one will bring you much happiness. you know have 364 days to plan your life so that next year you will be planning to party on your special day
much love,kattHi Pam
Belated happy birthday. Wishing you peace, strength and happiness during this difficult time. You’re 1 year older, but probably many years wiser, since your last birthday. I know wisdom isn’t always blissful, but at least it’s real. I hope you did / plan to do something special (or even a bit fun and frivolous) to celebrate you.
Much love,
LayaHi Pam, Tell us how it went when you get a chance. I hope you were able to find a way to enjoy yourself. What drink did I get? 🙂
I hope in the future you will soon be able to make choices based on what you want to do. Similar to what CBSlife said. She would not want to go, and would not. In this recovery, it is a recovery for you as well. Part of which is the trauma. So when you really feel yourself saying you don’t want to go similar to the mil situation; its okay to say no. Even if he went through all of this work to put it together…he made these bad choices and you not wanting to spend time with him or his mother…are the consequnces. And they are very well deserved. But not only that you deserves choices too. You are not just a pawn.
I would have gone to (and i have in the past), as I would feel it was my duty as a wife, and that I can’t step out of this rleaitonship as we are married and i cannot hide. We (me and the h) went on a weekend away for our anniversary. Looking back now, I never should have gone, and i did not want to. But I felt that I had to. And that we have to start repairing our relationship somewhere. But I should not have gone it was nothing but traumatic and awful. But I was not present, all I could think is get me out of here, I don’t want to be here, and I can’t wait to get home, and i wasted this weekend when I would rather be at home with my kids and dogs.
I hope someday that you will be able to make decisions based on what is best for you and what you want to do. And if that means turning down the h for dinner, and staying home with the kids and dog (which i personally would prefer), then so be it. I think you will start to feel even better when you do.
With love,
FloraHi Pam,
I am new to the site, but I want to wish you a happy belated birthday. You are valuable and very special, as no one in the entire world, our whole planet is you! I am sure our world would be happy to have more of you, but you are the only special one. Perhaps you could do a little journaling…if you WERE NOT born, how would people’s lives be different? Who have you helped in life, in elementary school even? Who did you make laugh, in high school maybe? Who did God allow you to help create, children? What would your world, your community have missed if you had not been born? I bet the list is going to be long! I am sure you have positively impacted person after person…we are valuable, even if our h does not have the capacity to believe, see, and articulate that honestly. We must remember, these are men who have chosen, I believe, to have impaired consciences-hardened hearts. Sometimes they soften, usually only to return to their original hardened position once again. YOU MATTER! Another thing that helps me is 1. Not to fret over the evils of my h…which is NOT EASY, and 2. Do good…maybe just bless someone else’s socks off! Do good for someone who will appreciate it, as I have done much good for my h who takes SO much for granted. I know there are people in all of our lives who value our efforts…stick with those peeps! Happy Birthday Sis!
B. TrayedHi All,
As I mentioned I am new to the site. I am so happy to join the sisterhood! A little note about special occasions, b-days, Mother’s Day, whatever…This mother’s day my son and girlfriend got me the most beautifully worded card I have ever read. It meant so much to me after the hell I have lived and am living. The words penetrated my heart and I wept in the restaurant and thanked them. I kept talking about the card, had my sister read it and later my mom, and even mentioned at work that my kids really blessed me for Mother’s Day. I spoke about it the next evening with my h again, just so touched by the encouraging words…thinking, “Finally someone really knows who I am and is validating that.” The words were like food to a starving soul. Anyway, my h seemed to chuckle…then said he could not keep it in any longer??? What was he talking about? He said he had given my son the card because he had an extra!!! I was mortified!!! My son and his girlfriend DID NOT EVEN PICK IT FOR ME. IT WAS INTENDED FOR SOMEONE ELSE!!! How humiliating. Then the worst of it came. My h had originally got it for him mother, left it at home the day he needed to mail it, and bought another! The words were intended for the women that has created so much pain and frustration because her betrayal of me in this horrible ordeal her “perfect” son has/is putting me through…so much for those holidays! LOL
B. TrayedB.Trayed, Welcome to the Sisterhood! I hope you find as much support, knowledge, and comfort as I have since joining a little over a month ago. Some of what you read won’t be easy, but it’s always real. It’s all kept me so grounded. I’m so sorry about your Mother’s Day story–boy, does that ever sound like a typical SA story. How cruel of your h to tell you about the card after the fact. I’m glad you can laugh about it at the end of your story. I think that’s the story of my life now. If we don’t laugh at some of these horrors, we will go insane. Anyway, welcome and big hugs to you! Zumbagirl
Happy Belated Birthday, Pam
You are such a resource to all of us and so valuable on the site. Hoping you made the day yours:) Cheers to a day when no woman has any more birthdays hijacked by sex addiction. Let’s make it happen!
MarieThanks zumbagirl! And as for laughing, first I cried, even in front of my son. I asked him to only give me cards that HE picks out, in the future. He understood and gave me a hug. It was fine. But laughing at things isn’t really happening in general…I cry daily pretty much…we are living nightmares that should not be lived in real life. To think that I could laugh about any of this stuff is beyond me at this point, but a welcome idea…I think I am more living insane at the moment. SAD BUT TRUE, that is our motto I guess, SAD BUT TRUE. Thank you for welcoming me girl!
Welcome B.Trayed,
I agree with zumbagirl…that was unnecessary and cruel on your husband’s part, so sorry. Once your son had the card, it became a part of his story and yours. He probably read it and thought “That’s my Mom:)” Please don’t take away the meaning of the words because of your husband’s behavior. You and your son shared a special moment on Mother’s Day….don’t let your SA take that away.
MarieThanks Marie…sweet thought, that my son felt the words fit me…anyway. I must admit, I thought it was good that he told me the truth about the card, because I hate lying and deception. I don’t think my h meant to hurt me, but I have always been very naive. Thanks again Marie.
B. TrayedHi Pam C. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Hope your day gets better. I am thinking of you and sending out a lot of love. It seems so sad that we have to have an SA in our lives to continue the saga of anger and frustration. I say we all kick they’re asses to the curb!!!
Happy Birthday Pam-C,
You have a beautiful spirit Pam-C. Use this spirit today to guide you to a more peaceful place. Your deserve to treat yourself with gentleness. I am thinking of you today and sending warm hugs your way.
b.trayed: I cry every day. I’m finding a few giggles in some of the ironies I witness, but I know it’s mostly laughing in pain. What a surreal life…I feel like we were dropped into some crazy alternate universe.
Hi all,
I just wanted to say thankyou so much for all your beautiful birthday wishes. They really made me feel cherished — hugs to you all.
also wanted to let you know, I ordered the most ridiculous thing on the menu– dungeness crab, side of sashimi and a $17 per glass cold sake. I was outrageous. Made the best of it with him, it did feel good to get out. even with him.
How special y’all are!! holla. you all made me smile
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