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So hubs has gone to bed… and I don’t know if he’s leaving tomorrow or Sunday, but he’s been doing some mad packing… I hear him clearing out drawers (I bought him all of his furniture) and then, he actually
VACUUMED.
wtf???
what’s THAT all about?
I was sitting here working… yes, working- quite late. He is really doing it. He is really, really leaving.
omg.
We have been living together for 25 years. I remember when I first moved in for real, with him, to his beautiful apartment in Manhattan which was in April 1987. I was so happy and in love… FINALLY, at the age of 31, I had found someone who loved me and I loved him, too. We were adorable together. Everyone thought so.
He’s still sending me things from my business that I need. And its not like I’m complaining about him doing “nice” things for me. He’s always done that. He’s always been “nice” to me.
and then?
as soon as I’m outta the house… on goes the web cam?
cause he “deserves” it?
what about me; what do I deserve?
i know… i know… does it ever end? the mystery, the confusion, the second guessing, the fear, the sadness, the regret, the loss of something I once held so dear… my very best friend in the whole wide world, the father of our two children, my dear, dear…
(in swoops guardian angel…)
“no… Laurel, he’s not dear… reality check, gurlfriend.
Repeat after me, Laurel.
“He’s not REALLY dear.” — COMMON, SAY IT. I DON’T HAVE ALL NIGHT! I HAVE ABOUT 5,000 OTHER DISTRAUGHT WOMEN TO GET TO, SO HURRY IT UP SISTER!!!
he’s not really dear.
“now, say it like you mean it, Laurel.”
he’s not really dear. he’s not really dear. he’s not really dear.
he’s not?
was he ever? was this monster just lurking inside him all along? just waiting for the invention of the web cam and the internet?
did I miss something?
why on earth did this happen?
twenty fucking five years…
and for what?
he was my LIFE partner. I told myself that I would never leave him… whatever came our way, we would handle… he was so, so, SO into me…
and then, 25 years later, he says that we have no chemistry. I’m STILL me.
who is he?
I am saying it with you Lex,
He’s not really dear.
he’s not really dear,
he’s not really dear.My husband is not really dear.
We will ask ourself WHY??? for a long time. Just try to remember that “crazy” can’t be explained. If their behavior were normal we might be able to relate. You did not miss anything Lex. You were a loving, caring, forgiving, understanding partner. There just comes a point where “crazy” crosses the line. That line has been crossed for us.
Stay strong.
Sending hugs {{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}Laurel,
This is a tough time for you. All the second guessing seems to show up right when you least expect it. I mean, he’s finally leaving, it’s what you wanted, then wham . . . the second thoughts come rolling in.
Hold your ground, stay strong, you will get through this. You know he will always be in contact and will always be your best friend, at least that’s my bet. But it will be so nice to not have the tension in the house. And I predict that you will begin to enjoy your house and home alot more once he’s out of there.
He will always be NICE to you and you to him. It’s called being polite and showing you care for another human being. My H and I are the same way. Even though I hate him for what he’s done to me, we live together and we are polite to one another. He is my best friend and my only (local) friend. It’s strange how that works. But in your situation, you know you’re getting divorced, so the sooner you get used to not having him around, the better.
I think you’ll enjoy the peace and quiet and your self esteem and confidence will soar even more than it already has. I’m real proud of you for your perseverance in all that you set out to do.
Let him be weird and do strange things. He’s probably just trying to get your attention. He knows you are listening. Just act like you didn’t hear a thing and keep busy.
Much love, Claire
Dear sexie Lexie,
I am SO PISSED OFF at your husband!!!! He is SUCH an asshole. I FIRMLY believe that he knows your fear of abandonment and he uses it to control and manipulate you. I also believe that he has known for year and years and years what you wanted from him physically and he just chose to withhold it,just as he has chosen to minimize his disgusting betrayal of you and your marriage. I HATE the way he is SO ARROGANT he will not even ask to work things out or put up with the fall out from his disgusting choices. I HATE the way he talks down to you and the way he manipulates you!!!!! You have got to hold firm here, Lexie. Your husband is a distainful prick who needs to feel a few consequences instead of you feeling ALL the consequences?? Do NOT let your fear get to you. You NEED to live apart from him for reasons 1) to see what life without him is REALLY like and 2) to let him see what life without you is REALLY like? So far he has NOT really been impacted in any way by all of this and I firmly believe he is doing nothing but calling your bluff. I have been where you are RIGHT NOW Lexie. I looked across a room at an arrogant, gloating pair of eyes DARING me to do something…..so sure there was nothing I could do…so sure he had me powerless? Essentially he was laughing in my face.I knew in that instant, that if I didn’t fight back I would never find my self respect again so I took the biggest gamble of my life, Lexie. I gambled my security, my healthcare, the security of my son, our income…..everything I had to lose. I picked up that gun, loaded it with the thing he cared most about at that time (his career) and I shot him between the eyes. I have NEVER had a single regret about doing it either. There are many things we can live without in this life but our self respect isn’t one of them.You will be fine Lexie and your husband will not leave permanently BUT in the future when he deals with you…he will know you mean business. Do this for yourself, dear Girl. You are ready now….. Karen xx
Lexie,
You have more strength than you realize; we all do. You can stay on the titanic and hope it doesn’t sink or you can go find a life raft to save yourself. You have the power, tenacity, strength to go get the life raft. You have the ability to get it.
Love, NapOh lexie I’m sure today is bittersweet. Just try to stay calm and watch his actions, I bet he will try to make you beg him to stay. Just watch and let it hurt for a while so you can move forward.
I went to a TEC meeting with my sister this week and the day was about being a better you. I will post more later, but one of the first things we need to do is stop all self defeating thoughts. actually say “stop” when you have them. Easier said then done, when you thing about it we have a lot of them. The next thing was take a notebook and write as fast as you can for 4 minutes positive things about yourself. It doesn’t have to be legible, just keep writing. Maybe you could try that today to help time pass – 4 minutes anyways.
Hang in there, your are beautiful and strong and capable.
and he was dear ~ to every other women he could find.
love and hugs
Heidimy “dear” got home last night after 2 weeks and is hovering behind me right now trying to see what I am typing. YOu would think he would stay at least a legs length away from me.
Thanks all, for your support and wise words. He’s not begging me to let him stay. Why he left and didn’t even say good-bye, but sent me an email which I’m going to post with my lengthy response. Very, very astute Karen. wow! I had never thought of that. I do have a fear of abandonment, but he would just say that was “*MY* baggage that I brought into the marriage.”
I am supposed to be at ballet, but just too exhausted. I’ll do the recumbent bike later. That’s the $1,000 bike I bought him as a SURPRISE, seven years ago on his birthday. I don’t remember where he was, because he wasn’t working back then… I was so happy and excited to get this for him, because he had really wanted one. Serendipitously, there was a nice young man with a truck who walked into the store, minutes after me, and I asked him if he could please bring it over. He said that he would be happy to do so and he delivered it straight to our basement and would not take a penny from me. I carefully wrapped it all up in tissue paper and then as a bit of a joke found a role of yellow “caution” tape which I wrapped all around it, and then stuck the biggest bow, I could find right on top. Then I went upstairs to make him one of my legendary chocolate cakes…
when he came home, I knew that I had to get him down into the basement and came up with an idea… I went down to the basement and screamed that there was a HUGE bug down there and to please, please hurry down…;)
I’ll never forget the look of surprise and delight on his face, when he saw the giant “bug.”
why does it all have to hurt so much?
Lexie dear, you now have your FREEDOM, treasure it and never ever give away your POWER to a man again. Freedom trumps lonely. Love you, Liza
Lol, Heidi!! (a leg’s length!)
Lexie,I understand your story about the bike. I’m sure we all did lots of little (and big) nice surprises for our SA’s…but guess what? They didn’t deserve it!
It doesn’t surprise me that your SA Left without a goodbye. I need to look around the forums to see if you posted the email and response… I am catching up on posts and starting from the bottom up!
Hope you are hanging in there!! You will be fine, Lex!! Just fine!! Better than ever, even!! One day at a time!!!
Karen- your story had me gasping! Have you ever put your whole story out there?? I need to read it!!
Love to all,
SL
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