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Sorry Victoria I didn’t respond to you. I’m confident it is not a fake recovery but I’m not so confident with what I hear from the sisterhood that there won’t be a relapse. About 2 months ago he looked at porn. Porn was never really his thing. His therapist is furious with him because there was a trigger and he didn’t recognise it. She is disgusted with him or at least she is pretending she is.
Liza — if you mean a ‘life’ by the true definition, then no, I don’t believe a normal life is possible with ANY SA. Even a real recovery “life” — for me that’s more of an unrealistic hope. I would sure prefer it compared to what I’ve had, and it might be possible, but I know it’s still a very small chance of happening. Not to say that it’s great either, it’s not, but it’s far better than active addiction. The PD stuff and abuse is what really affects me currently.
I would love a normal life where I don’t have to worry about the internet, technology, where he’s going, who’s he looking at, what is real, what is fake, etc.
Regardless, though, it’s hard to have a fully functional life with PTSD. One of many reasons being because I’ll never be able to trust anyone again — even men who aren’t SA’s. It’s difficult, because to be honest, what is really on my hope list is meeting other men and dating. However, I keep switching between whether that’s realistic or unrealistic.
Well that was a long list of pretty hopeless outcomes – I am grateful that Minwalla has the courage and honesty to let both partners see the scope of his experience and the potential for ongoing destruction. Like Trish I am going for 5 days in April for myself but with him so that I can walk in whatever direction I take with ownership of my own conduct not an explanation for his. I loathebwhatbhe has done and I see true remorse and like Bev I am saddened by the waste of character. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life constantly prepared to make and act on ultimatums – it’s fekking exhausting, humiliating, and a total sexual turn off, and imdon’t mean with him – that damage has already been done – I mean with anyone. I think i am looking to find a way to be in relationship with him that does not involve marriage and I feel that is my final hurdle – I have told him that and on some days he seems to accept it but in the last few weeks he has been hoop jumping like you wouldn’t believe – thatbisnwhy Minwalla is on the calendar – for me I believe it can only help. If I was to take an informal poll from this siteninthin the statistics of success are low 7-15 percent – about the national average – and even the people who still,together on this site are not telling a very pretty story. I am so NOT living relying on a lie detector – rather swim with the sharks for real
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