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Ok, so i posted this in the context on another topic, but thought it might be worth repeating here. When I think about my h’s behavior, i sometimes try to assess which of the 5 D’s it represents: Is he Dumb, Deceptive, Depressed, in Denial, or just Demonic?
Sometimes it’s one or more or all. (Now I know it’s futile to try to figure these fellows out, but still, the 5 D’s is my lighthearted, shorthand way of assessment).I like the 5 D’s. It is kinda funny if you think about it….
I always go back to what my h kept telling me. He says he just compartmentalized. I have read all the stuff about that. I still don’t understand it. I believe it though. I believe that they are able to do that. It is the only answer to this shit.
I do not believe that is excuses or justifies. I think it is indicative of how subhuman they are.
Well, my husband is dead. Whoever that pod walking around with his name is, I don’t know and it’s pretty clear I never will. Just wish the rest of the world could catch up to that.
Not funny, sorry. But when I think of D words, that’s just the one. DDay = Dead husband and life with a stranger by letter of the law.
Jomard I like your 5 D’s very fitting to these guys.
Bev how does compartmentalizing work? My therapist says my xh does this and I don’t understand it.
I’m not Bev but it is essentially separating your life into pockets. This is my work life and it is separate from my family life. Double/quadruple life BS
I don’t know really. I just understand that it means hiding information that would . I can honestly say I no longer give a shit about anything that doesn’t impact me directly. Why would I? “It” has allowed me to have a “different” life and I don’t understand it. Nor do I want to. It hurt. It took away meaning and prospects and I had to struggle greatly to repossess those things. I will not lightly give that power to anyone again. I try to be open and not bitter. It isn’t always easy, BUT I am also NOT into giving over my power to another…no matter how lonely or difficult that is? karen x
Lots of d-words.
Disordered
Disturbed
Delusional
Dangerous
Demanding
Douche-y
Dickwad
Disclosure
Dday
dr. eToo bad we can’t have them Detained for Defrauding us and Destroying our marriages and our trust.
Dumb, Deceptive, Depressed, in Denial, or just Demonic? All of the above, but my new word is DELIVERANCE!!!!
Wow Nell love that. Although i feel like I live in deliverance country.
Dementia because they “forget” everything we tell them.
The way compartmentalizing was explained to me is that men’s brains are like waffles. They have little boxes with walls and the wife and kids are in one. Work is in one. Sports is one. For ours, porn is in one, affairs is in one, hookers has its own, etc, etc. The emotions that are felt/experienced in each box do not impact the other boxes. They really are separate. So when they say they love you, in their mind they do because the SA shit is in it’s own box and it doesn’t touch your box. OK – so they are stupid, but we already know that. Then it was explained to me that woman’s brains are like spaghetti, and everything is mixed up together and our emotions are felt in all aspects of our lives. So when they cheat – they rationalize that they kept it all in “the cheater” box which did not touch “the wife” box. But when we find out, that knowledge and emotion is then tangled up with everything else going on in our brains. We as women can’t separate it out. I think it is a pretty good explanation but definitely not an excuse.
I like that Trish! I sometimes feel like my brain has turned to spaghetti, now I know that it really does. 🙂
Well, I have read that men cheat for sex and women usually cheat for emotional reasons but who knows if that is always true? I think it is pretty widely accepted that men can have sex and it really is just about sex….it does not have to have an emotional component to it. My oldest son told me that is true for guys. I think women more often bond emotionally when they are sexual with someone. Now, if I were to have sex with my H it would definitely just be about sex. I would probably close my eyes and pretend he was someone else. 😉
The world we are living in….who knows why anyone of any gender is doing what they do?? I sure don’t understand the “new sexuality” and all that hooking up stuff young people seem to accept as the norm.As for their brain compartments or boxes…..it would appear they also put “recovery” and “truth” in a box that doesn’t interfere with the “hooker/porn box. 😉
Karen, so true about the “recovery” and “truth” boxes. My h labeled the “recovery” box “progress, not perfection.”
And apparently reality goes into a box that is locked up and they throw away the key.
I think there are quite a few women out there that don’t fit that old pardigm, unfortunately. I don’t know what to make of them either, Karen.
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