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Last night Rich came in from the gazebo (home of the infamous hot tub), where he had been drinking with the 2 usual Friday night buddies. He walked into the office where I sleep and turned off the light. I usually lock the door, but I had dozed off with the light on. I heard him mutter something incoherent. Next thing I know, I wake up at 5am freezing. Go to turn on the light to see what’s up, and I’m met with darkness. The SOB had turned off fuse boxes for the room I sleep in, the adjoining bathroom, and the fuse box for the furnace. WTF. I took pics and am sending to attorney.
This is the type of nonsense I’ve been putting up with for months, including: pulling thermostat off the wall because he thought the AC was too high and throwing away and breaking a treasured picture of Silver Lining and me. So I am trying to get things out of the house when he’s not looking. Also, in September, when advised by my new attorney not to move out of the home yet, I was harrassed nonstop by h telling me I needed to move, and that it was my “anxiety” causing me to stall the divorce. He proceeded that weekend to pull the household modem out of my hands because “he pays for the internet service.” I’m sorry if I”m repeating from any previous post. Just need to get it out.
grrrrrrrrrr…..YES GRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Can your new attorney not understand this situation is BAD? Then legally facilitate you getting out? NOW?
Yep, that is abuse pure and simple. Call your ttorney and call the domestic abuse hotline in your area. Get it on the record.
I think the attorney can ask a judge for a type of “cut that shit out order”. Next Friday night , after the gazebo/hot tub drunk fest then call the police and say he is drunk and you are afraid. Stay awake no matter what and have your phone ready. We will take turns staying awake with you if needed. We can do shifts 🙂
Zumbagirl- yes, we have been together on the site for a long time. I cannot believe the abuse your h is putting you through. I know in Kansas whomever files can insist the other vacate the house. Don’t know what it is like where you live. Most judges do not tolerate this kind of behavior when you are mentally and physically put in jeopardy. I would have your attorney go before the judge for an emergency order to kick his ass to the curb. I may not be up on your story, but why does he get to stay? Go for it girl ,and I will gladly do a shift. Let me know.
Prayers and thoughts are with you.It’s called a divorce from bed and board here, you can kick them out for abuse. It is NOT a final divorce, though.
Julie,
He really goes to the extreme. Pure abuse. I think your attorney will definitely do something with his latest shinanagins and he might be packing a bag with a RO hanging over his head and any other charge he can get. So sorry you’re having to go through all this BS ZG!
Love, NapxoIt seems we can expect to be punished for blowing their cover, and ruing their con, and even worse if we have the audacity to start building our own life.
I’m with the advice you call the attorney, abuse hotline, and police as soon as he does something threatening or intimidating.
Imean, really what exactly is it that YOU did? nothing. You just pulled back the curtain on what he was doing.
Dear Julie,
TOTAL abuse. You should have called te police right then and there, had them come to the house to see the removed fuses and the cold room. Tell them you are divorcing, have been advised to stay in the house and he is abusing you. They could have speoken to him AND it would be on record. In Canada men are NOT allowed to pull that sort of shit and doubt it is different in the States. He is crossing the line, Julie. Call the police, a domestic abuse hotline and your lawyer. You can shut him right down and even better may be able to get it on record for the judge. You is NOT going to sacrifice his career and fake reputation in order to get you. I would be splashing his bullshit AND sexual escapades all over bloody town. PRICK!
Yes!!! That is abuse plain and simple. I feel so bad for you. I believe that there is a special circle of hell reserved for abusers. One can only hope. God is a just God.
You have to be careful with that card, though, because they are very quick with the “she is crazy and over-reacting”. The world often does not understand what these guys are like- that you have to push back and hard or they will keep steamrolling right over you. Just saying. Every time I mention talking to the police- like when I called them when doc e took photos of me inside my home- they attorneys get all excited about how I can’t do that. I didn’t even call 911- just the local number to find out what the law was. So I was the problem even though doc e was taking photos of me in front of Bat.
Thanks, ladies. To answer the moving question, NY is a no fault state, and attorneys have told me that your spouse has to practically be poisoning you to get a judge to remove him/her from the home. I don’t know; I feel like it’s practically coming to that. My attorney had advised me to stay if I could. All of a sudden, a few weeks ago, after I told SA I wasn’t leaving just yet, he sent a text announcing he was moving (yee hah lol). This was followed by a pronouncement that we would have a family meeting the following weekend where he would walk myself and the kids through the household maintenance tasks, as, in his words, once he left “he would not wish to return.” Well, turns out this was all a ploy. He was trying to intimidate and push me to leave by making the home maintenance tasks seem impossible and overwhelming. He even wanted me (and the kids!!!!!) to sign a paper saying we understood the tasks and the risks of not doing them. Can you believe this? After this particular weekend, I sent my attorney a letter, with a list of his bullshit moves, in particular his involving of the kids in the divorce issues. That same day at our “home maintenance inservice” (lol), he made lots of comments in front of the kids, such as “I control my attorney. You should be controlling yours too.” So my attorney wrote a fantastic cease and desist letter, which also warned SA to control his anger. This letter didn’t do much to SA. He told me it was a waste of time and money. So the next step might be some sort of motion, or maybe it’s more of a police issue than a lawyer issue. At the very least, all of his bs is in writing and on record with this letter.
At the deposition, my attorney questioned was he moving or not. Rich stalled and said he didn’t know what furniture he could take. Well, my lawyer ripped him a new a-hole on that stupid answer. I wish I had a transcript of the day, because I’d even like to listen back myself, without emotion. He also told Rich, with regards to our 20 year old home, in excellent shape, “wow, it sounds like you have a very needy home.” LOL.
And so the update for today: I emailed him today to tell him to stop his crap, re: the fuse boxes. I did that to have it documented. But I wrote it respectfully. He responded by saying I must have plugged too much in. So I videotaped myself turning on every possible source of power in the area and plugging everything in…and guess what…the circuit breaker was fine. Go figure. 😉Julie, you can get a transcript of the deposition if you want. Ask your attorney. It will be a written document, not a tape.
zumba girl,
i didn’t read all the posts.
here’s what you might do.
when he pulls another stunt like that – the breakers are off, etc. or something like that. call the police. tell them you don’t know why all the breakers were turned off. you suspect someone did this. maybe someone broke in. or your H did it and you are scared. this will go on record.
call your domestic hotline. get their advice. next time he pulls this shit consider moving yourself into a shelter for a few days. this will go on record too.
it seems courts don’t take stories of abuse seriously until serious action is taken. and he is seriously abusing you zumba girl. which requires serious action in turn.
you may have to take some drastic steps (but be strategic, get advice) in order for the legal system to see how he is abusing you.
man, i just hate him.
put on your warrior pants and fight the motherfucker. but fight him smart.
IMO I would discuss it with your lawyer first. He/she will know how best to address it without it hurting your case and how to best help your case. Let your lawyer fight for you; he seems good at fighting and making your xh have egg on his face. Just my opinion.
I agree with Nap. He’s a textbook gaslighter. Can you record your conversations with him legally?
My first atty sent letters about doc e, called his atty when doc e threatened to kidnap Bat (which I had on tape) etc. It usually just made him push back harder. After his atty told him to settle down about the kidnap, he texted me on his way back from meeting with his atty that he wanted to come to the house to pick up his belongings. People do not understand that warnings are often like challenges for them. How dare you try to make them comply with your needs/wants/laws/previous agreements! You need as many people working for you and helping you push back as you can. Expect that it will get worse until he realizes that it isn’t going to work any more which may be a very long time. And be very careful bc you know he is trying to set you up for the crazy card.
Teri,
The warnings/challenges comment is so right on target. This all is really like a bad movie of the week. 🙁Do you have, say, a flat head shovel, that you keep in case of intruders, so that if you were afraid after waking up with the power shut off or whatever sign of threat, you could at least defend yourself against whoever was doing it? And by a flat head shovel, I mean the US cross-cultural equivalent.
I can say from experience that checking yourself and your children into a women’s shelter for protection definitely changes the response of the courts to your input. When they see you take it that seriously, they take it seriously. It’s drastic, yes. But they see so many claims of abuse that they are jaded to them. The women’s shelter has resources and connections, too. It’s awful, but not as bad as someone forcing you to sleep in the cold unexpectedly. Also, it’s NOT seen as a crazy thing, like he could claim with your videotaping all kinds of things in the house that he is doing. I don’t think that’s crazy, but again from experience, putting a lot of stuff that he did before the courts just sets their snooze button and they don’t like that. Wake them up.
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