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So I’m just thinking…
It’s been so long since I’ve had sex, I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve “disappeared” altogether as a woman. And although I do have bouts of thinking about it, I also go for long period of time without missing it. Should I be worried about this? I mean how long can you go without, before something just shuts down altogether?Hi Diane,
I feel the same way. I’ve heard this somewhere, sex is like riding a bicycle. Once you hop back on, we never forget how. I dont think we shut down altogether. Obviously, we are all very attractive woman and the other day I thought I’m going to get dressed up today (just dressy casual), curled my hair, cute make up, cute outfit, shoes with a little heal, v-neck top, my favorite perfume, I felt great. I even turned a few heads and had some men talk with me just friendly conversation. Made me feel very “womanly” and reminded me of the old days before I was married would do that on almost a daily basis. Im going to try to do it more often, just makes me feel good inside and taps into my womanhood. The no real sex is hard though but I’m going to check out “the rabbit” someone suggested. When I get the courage…..
love, napxxooHi Diane,
My mindset is such, that I am not going to think and obsess about it. I have a full plate and not much time for anything else. The thoughts don’t cross my mind much, however there is no to have sex with, so i think that is a good thing. I think that we can go without for a very very long time. You can live without sex; contrary to what our SA’s think. You will be just fine. If you meet a nice man who you can have sex with and who you are very attracted to and still nothing…then maybe time to see the doc. But right now i don’t think you have a thing to worry about.Sex doesn’t even cross my mind for me. I’m so totally disgusted with what he has done that I don’t want anything to do with it for now. maybe again some day but not for a very long time. In the past, sex to me was making love with someone you are head over heels in love with and feeling the passion. Now he has ruined that for me because he has taken sex to levels that are disgusting.
Diane, I’m glad you brought this up. Even though things are going along relatively smoothly with my H in recovery, I just don’t have the desire any more. I’m wondering if it’s lack of hormones for me, if its PTSD or what! There are days when I feel the urge, but when it comes right down to it I just can’t find the energy. It just seems too messy (I can’t believe I just called it messy). I know I’m one of the older women on here, I’m going to be sixty this year, but sheesh I could just cry, I’m not really ready to call my sex life quits.
cbs, what you said about taking sex to levels that are disgusting. maybe that’s it. This has been really bothering me for some time now. I was too chicken to put it out there I guess, thanks again Diane for bringing this up.
ms-lindy – You are not the oldest – I am 69. I don’t think it has anything to do with hormones right now. I just think you aren’t able to relate to your’e SA who has hurt you very much. It takes time to get over our trauma.
I have a very healthy sexual appetite, but I am also having difficulty in that department – just don’t want to put myself out there and get slam dunked again.
I am sure if you are ever able to trust again, you will find it will come roaring back.Oh Sharron, thank you. I can’t tell you how I have been agonizing over this. I finally let H back into my bed and it was fun, but it just didn’t feel the same cause in the back of my mind I wanted to look like, and I wanted him to see me as someone who was forty years younger. It has taken it’s toll, that’s for sure.
I agree with Cbslife and think that’s one more thing we can “thank” our SAs for – how our opinions on / relationship with sex has changed. Ms-Lindy, I don’t think it’s hormones – I’ve not yet reached 30 and also have absolutely no desire to have sex, with anyone. Sharron, I hope you’re right that it will come “roaring back”.
ms-lindy- Don’t let your SA destroy your’e self-esteem. You are a beautiful woman, and I am sure the women he picks don’t even come close to you. I believe these men pick women who are sub-standard because 1. Their self esteem is in the toilet. 2.They pick women that in they’re minds they think they can get. 3. They are no threat to them (like we are) in regards to having to show them any kind of intimacy.
So, pick that self-esteem back up and don’t feel in any way there is any competition between you and the “whores” he picks.
Laya – Why would we open ourselves up to more pain by once again becoming vulnerable to an SA who has destroyed our marriage/relationship by stooping the the depths of depravity.
When your trust is re-established, whether it by by our SA’s or a new relationship, the sex drive will come back. Don’t forget, we are NOT the abnormal ones – they are!
Love to you both.
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