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Ok, ladies, downfall of civilization time. We’ve all heard how porn is so very prevalent among our young people. Kids watch it daily- especially at college. Girls are expected to have their hoo-hahs all nice and shaved like porn stars. Guys discuss this online on college forums- and talk about particular girls.
So tonight I was talking to my daughter about dating now that she is out of college. She says it’s tough bc typically boys expect to sleep with you on the 3-4th date, and if you haven’t slept with them by the 6th or 7th date, there is something wrong with you. She has discussed this with her friends, so she has checked it out and that’s what they are telling her as well (guys and girls). She had a date last night (#6 or 7) and when she didn’t want to have sex, the guy basically just left. She said he wasn’t rude but that it was really awkward.
So that’s the culture our kids are living in. It makes me sad.
I don’t know, Desiree. I just tell her to find support and connection with friends and if/when a boy worthy of her comes along then she will know it. She says she misses cuddles though. She used to have her gay boy friends for that, but she is short on them now apparently. So I guess she’ll have to work on that.
Boy, has my gay son had his share of female ” best friends”. It has been fun hanging out with them over the years.
I think her plan is a good one for now.
I thought this was going to be a thread about us….how to not date a sex addict! 🙂 I am very sad for my children as well and would rather forgo grandchildren than have them marry the wrong person and divorce like me. Maybe we should just reassure them that if they want to use a sperm bank or adopt that we will offer the spousal support that they’d never get from a guy who counts “dates till sex.”. Religious dating sites have better dating material, I hope!!
Hi, Mary,
I thought about saying something about for kids in the title. But for all I know it’s true for us, too? Is that the expected timeline these days in general?
My daughter says she never wants to marry or have kids. I told her if she ever changed her mind about kids, just go to a sperm bank. If you do that even if you are married, and then you get divorced, does your ex-husband still get visitation?
I have not pursued dating since my divorce was final because I’m just not ready ( right now, not sure I ever will be ). I have been approached by a few men and they are all younger than me (late 20s 30s) I’m 55. I tell them I don’t get it, the one in his 20s just wants to have sex with me and cuddle (ha!). I’m older than his mother. I asked him what ever happened to dating, talking, doing things together? He looked at me like he didn’t understand a word I said. I guess many are just into hook ups and their relationships are just sex. He’s very cute has a good job but there is no way I would do anything with any guy that young. The ones in their thirties are much better however I can’t get over the age difference. The ones my age just want ‘young ones’ or so I was told. I think dating has changed A LOT since I was dating 30 yrs ago. Gosh that’s a long time ago!
So it sounds like your experience corroborates what my daughter is saying, NAP.
I wonder what it’s like in Canada or England?
I said to the 20 yr old “I’m NOT but let’s say I did go home with you to cuddle, what would happen after that?”
He said: “Then you’d be my girlfriend”.
I said: “I’d want to date other people”.
He said: “No you couldn’t why would you want to do that?”
?????????????
That’s just bizarre. My daughter said about the guy who wanted to have sex that they weren’t even seeing each other exclusively. Her friends were all impressed that he- or any guy- would really wait that long. One asked her “where do you find all these guys who are willing to wait 6-7 dates to have sex?”
I hope your daughter continues to do so well at keeping her boundaries, Teri. When the guy who’s not counting comes along, and SHE can still tolerate him after 7-plus dates, she’ll be in friendly territory.
Mary, I would expect the Religious dating sites to attract the worst predators of all.
That’s what I was thinking about the religious sites, too, March. Trollers waiting for some innocent thing to stumble into their web. I am so jaded.
I thought the same thing, but didn’t want to jump in on it. Good way to fool someone, pretending to be all religious. It gives them that moral high ground, air of legitimacy they so love. Look what nice guys they are!
I live in canada and I think the stats are similar maybe even more like they need to “put out” , for a lack of a better term , sooner than that. I don’t think it depends where you are looking or meeting these men. I have friends that have kids who have met their true loves on social media sites, including Christian mingle. I know some younger couples that met at a night club and so far so good. I think our kids just need to be smart about it and recognize bad people and bad situations. I think that any boy who isn’t patient with a girl and can’t wait for her to be ready isn’t Mr. Right or even Mr . Right Now!
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