“The New ME”

Hi Eveyone. Just an update and an opportunity to hear myself talk-good therapy.
Last night, Steve took a Levitra and decided we would have sex. He rarely initiates, if ever, and I had complained about being frustrated most of the time. (Gee, I wonder why – (Sexual Anorexia???) Obvious, he did it because I was bitching.
Anyway, I could not get into it with him. Sexually turned on, but shut down intimately. Very difficult time trying to reach an orgasm.
I look at this as progress. I am detaching very well. Steve asked me if I was, and I told him what else could he expect??
Since I have stopped the questionioning, Steve has stopped the disclosing. Surprise. Surprise. There have been numerous opportunities for Steve to disclose small things to gain trust. It is a game for him. Once he realizes what I am doing, then he purposely does not disclose, thinking it will drive me nuts. Guess what-just puts another nail in his coffin.
I also think he feels safe that I would never leave him because of the beautiful home on the beautiful 5 acres. Hope he doesn’t get too secure.
He has not journaled in 4-5 days, and has not done his homework in the book “Angry Heart”. Quit doing RN, because he feels the book is sufficient. Working on recovery – I think not. Same song second verse.
These SA’s are such Master’s of the Game,” or at least they think they are, but they only hurt themselves, and continue down the lonely road of addiction. Down deep, I think Steve is happier by himself and is just the typical SA who is compartmentalizing his life so he can have a wife for companionship only. Well, he is getting his wish-emotionally I am checking out.
Still in the same house, but I feel so much better.
Have a session with therapist in a.m.