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Hi Sisters,
Something unexpected has happened. I have met someone.
And I have lost all my bearings. If it weren’t for my crone council of wisdom (closest and wisest women friends) I would have bolted by now. Terrifying and wonderful.So I am telling you because this too have been a part of the story of some of the sisters. And it might be you next. We need to share the wonderful and the anxiety of it with each other.
It is an online dating match. (my friend came with wine one night and after much laughter and bravado, I was subsribed!). I had two dud dates with men who matched well on paper but not in person. Over 13 days my profile was hidden about 7. It was overwhelming for me to do at all, so I just had to hide out.
Then an exchange of emails with a man whose profile sounded real. No macho crap stuff. No bragging. Sharing idioscynchrasies and the love of canoeing, reading good newspapers and banjo-playing. We met for a glass of wine, stayed for supper, and the connection was huge. It was sexual and intellectual but mostly it was emotional. He was okay with me being a minister (some freak out) and we shared stories of our lives and our relationships.
Since that first meeting, last Friday we have seen each Sun. aft and early eve, Tues lunch, Wed. eve, and we’re scheduled for Friday eve with an early night because he’s taking me flying Saturday morning. (This time a plane will be involved)
I gave him the short version of my story. He has spent a part of each time with me sharing things about himself that he doesn’t want to sneak up on me with sudden disclosure. So far nothing it’s all baby stuff, IMO. After an SA, it takes a lot to throw me off. (But I didn’t trivialized the “big stuff” he shared)
No man has ever kissed me the way he kisses me. So, for those women wondering if it could be better—a big YES. All I have to do is think of him kissing me and I can have a lovely full body orgasm. I don’t know when we will get to the full lover relationship, but I’m pretty sure we will. After our first date, without talking to each other, we hid our profiles on the dating site and broke off all other dates.
I let JoAnn know this was happening since I was completely AWOL from here and didnt’ want her to worry. And then dearest Lexie came looking for me! Love you pumpkin!
Long journey for me to get to this place. two years. If it all goes south, you will hear about it here and we will work it through together, and learn more for each other’s best purpose. But maybe, just maybe, it will be lovely.
The possibility of loving again has to be one of the questions on all our minds, even when we declare we will never be involved with a man every again. So here I am, unexpectedly our site case study, unfolding the promise and the fear with you, O great ones!
love you all,
D.Diane! So happy for you and what you are feeling and experiencing now, no matter where this goes! I have tears with happiness as I write this:) and thank you for understanding that it’s a part of your story that you need to share here with us, because it’s a part of our stories, too … It doesn’t matter where we are with our own relationships,we all need to know this is not only possible, but actually happening in one of our sister”s lives:)
Love,
MarieDiane, I have chills and tears! Thank you so much for sharing, and for not feeling like you need to hold back. It gives me hope for my future, whatever that may be. You are an amazing woman, and I hope this guy is amazing! You deserve nothing less.
Much love to you,
ZumbagirlThank you for shared joy.
I guess I really really want us to know that we have the capacity to feel again, and also that we don’t have to stay in an unhappy relationship because it’s the only one we have.I really had no idea that these feelings were still possible. If its true for me, it can be true for all of us. And yes, there is still no “safe” way to love anybody. So we are all on the learning curve together. Just be there if it all comes crashing down around my head.
But I don’t think its going to.
D.xo
Diane,
I am living your experience vicariously through you…the kiss…the full body orgasm. Aaahhhh!!!
I am soooo happy for you. It’s a wonderful thing to share with us. I think I’m feeling butterflies.
Savor every moment with your eyes and ears wide open.
Love, Debora
Diane,
Sooooo happy for you, just sounds so wonderful! Okay, you said ask you anything and I’m not shy, if I overstep your boundry let me know. What online dating site did you use? Also, what does he do and has he ever been married? Also does he have a brother???
Love, NapHoney, I too share your joy and please, I do not want to burst your bubble– whatsoever, but the SWEEPING YOU OFF YOUR FEET is a BIG red flag. And I hope that I’m wrong… but I am concerned for you, at this point.
Narcs and preds do this sweeping thing and its an act. Its an act to propel you into their web— and unfortunately, I fell for it— TWICE.
but never again. please learn from my hideous mistakes.
Yes, the KISS— ahh… predator was the most masterful and passionate of kissers and he tasted like iced coffee… i know… not HOT coffee, but whatever he was the yummiest thing on three legs 😉 and matinee idol level handsome.
but, alas… sicker than sick.
predatory males do seek out the vulnerable and you my lovely, are inherently vulnerable at this time. Weak– no way, but yes… vulnerable. Perhaps he DID remove his profile and maybe he has 10 others that you do not know about. He might be single and he might not be. (yes, it is possible that he has either a wife/partner/steady girlfriend– YES!) And YES— these dudes hang on LEGIT dating sites as well as the smuttier ones. Quite frankly, I think that its all the same.
I don’t know if I will ever be able to meet a man online again. Please remember that a man online is at HIGHER risk for a problem now and/or down the road. If this is how he picks up chicks, it is just a caution, I feel the need to point out.
Try to stay a bit detached— if you possibly can.
And……… I repeat… as difficult as it is… DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM. (for at least a month— minimum!)
but, you probably will… oh honey… i know, i know… but look here… I am so glad that this man DID come into your life if for no other reason than to affirm to you, that you are indeed a gorgeous, gorgeous woman and can attract the attentions of zillions of dudes.
The question is… Are they WORTHY of our beautiful Diane.
Now, one more thing.
DO NOT REMOVE YOUR PROFILE. Yes, that’s right. You heard it here first and I will tell you why. Tell him that you are not yet ready to get “serious” with any one man, just yet. Although you very much enjoy his company, and wish to keep seeing him, you need and want to keep your options open and flowing. Something like that.
Play a bit hard to get. 😉
hard to get or easy to forget.
he’ll go ape shit!
And not an act. Date OTHER MEN. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM.
If he’s TRULY interested in you, I promise you, the effin’ GREEN BAY PACKERS won’t keep him away or from trying to edge (wedge) his way (mmm…) into the beatific, and enticing, slightly mysterious— SIREN
DIANE.Let him pine and yearn and long for you…
and if not…
next?
Love and more love,
Lexie
PS: If he has been married before… before you go much further, interview his ex… seriously. find out what REALLY happened. uhhh…huh… we sisters have to watch each other’s backs…
UNITE!!!
Eyes and ears are very wide open! Yes, they are indeed!
His wife of 40 years is in longterm care facility for quite a few years now, with diminished function of mind and body, following a health crisis. She is in a good facility and I know the chaplain there quite well.
I don’t think the dating site matters, but it was a paid subscription site. And I have to say the overall quality of men (on paper) was pretty high. But no one, no matter how old they are, should meet someone they don’t know in anything other than a public place. Also, no one gets my personal email, phone or even my last name unless I’ve met them and want them to have it. Men who expect anything more than that are excluded right away. And you must require STD testing before initiating a sexual relationship with anyone AND use a condom. Some things spread regardless of a condom.
Sigh. It’s all so romantic.
D.
Lexie Darling….SHUT UP and let the woman have her full body orgasm will you?? 🙂
Diane…I knew it!!! As soon as I did not see you for a few days I knew exactly what was happening!!!!! How wonderful for you!!! Soak it all up, have fun, have butterflies, feel your seratonin levels rising, open your heart and have the time of your life!
Oh and Diane….Don’t Have Sex With Him!!!! 🙂 Karen
Diane
So happy for you. I too met my man online, on a single parent website which had a dating section. I only went on the dating section because it had a chat facility and I was lonely after the kids had gone to bed. The first time I met my partner I insisted that my friend was there too until I was comfortable to be alone with him. I made him wait 3 (yes 3!) months before we had sex and he was fine with that (I’ve more than made up for it since though!!!!) I think one of the main things to watch out for is if guys don’t introduce you to other people in their lives. My ex wasn’t afraid to introduce me to his ex when she dropped off his daughter and was eager for me to meet his friends and his sister. I think that men who have something to hide (like a wife!) will generally try to keep you apart from other people in their life to avoid their extra curricular activities being discovered.
Go with your gut Diane. It’s scary, given what we’ve been through, but worth it if you find a good one! We’ve been together 15 months now 😀Bb
xHi Diane, I think we want to know which site so we can use it too?!?!?!
I read a book recently called how to date like an adult. She said to date three men at a time. To not too quickly have this the one feeling, becuase hse also says there is no just the one. There are actually many the ones. She says one traps too much of your time and attention and nothing to compare to…two is two against each other, but three is enought to keep you busy, a date each weekend etc.
I am glad for you!!!! But you have alot to offer in any relationship!! Don;t undersell yourself. And don;t be too grateful that someone accepts you, because you are wonderful. So excited for you. Now you and Busybee have man friends. i am waiting to start dating after the divorce is final. I don;t feel right about dating till things are done.
Hopefully can learn some tips from you!!
Love,
FloraHi Girlfriends!
I have been missing in action for awhile. It started when I got a computer virus and couldn’t access this site. Then just got out of the habit. But I have been missing my sisters, so here I am.
I, too, have met someone. He is considerably older than me — He’s 74 and I am 61. That weirds me out a bit, but he is so nice and loving and warm. My gut told me when I met him to give him a chance. He is a widower. Married 43 years. Lost his wife 4 years ago after caring for her while she was sick for several years. I have met his three daughters, cousins, neighbors, etc. Also we share some people that we know. I don’t think there is any way to tell for sure if a person is honest. Everything feels and looks like he is totally straight forward. but I know it will take time to really know each other. I guess I think one just has to take some chances with one’s heart to find a new relationship.
I am at the point now where I am really starting to care, and so I am discovering how insecure I am from my ex’s treatment of me. Still doubt myself to some degree and wonder if he will still care when he gets to know me well. I am going to try really hard not to pester him for reassurance. My security has to come from within me.
We met on “Senior People Meet”. Just in case you are wondering, and I know you are: Yes we are sexually involved, and yes it is fantastic. Caught me by surprise cuz of his age. It is a totally different experience than with Mr. Prefers Cyber-sex. You don’t know how badly I want to tell my jerky ex what a great sex life I have now!!!!!!!!!! I want to say, “He is sooooo much better than you.”
Polly
Polly!!!!
Way to go. Thanks for adding your story.On our second date my guy took me to a BBQ of the co-owners of his plane, and their families. So right away I met some of the people in his life, one of whom was also a work colleague. He also came to take me out to lunch and came into the church and had a long gab with my administrator. Saturday we are going flying, but first we are having breakfast with his longtime flying buddy. Also, his last 4 year relationship was with a woman who is a good friend of someone in my congregation. Yikes, that’s too close.
I’m being careful. And I love you Lexie and I know that your cautions are not frivolous. Although I do appreciate being able to enjoy my full body orgasm. But being careful doesn’t mean you don’t still get hurt. So I’m doing what I can. I watch how much he drinks, how he spends his money, how he talks about his children, his wife, his work, his time and availability. He has no idea I’m like a surveillance team—all over him like a wet cold! Actually I think he does know. He just understands and is patient.
And POlly, this guy is 8 years older than me, and is very exciting. I get it.
love,
D.Yes, it was meant purely as a protective mother hen kind of gesture, and even though I have enough to worry about, it does me more good to worry about someone else. I have been on several of these sites and calculated that I was approached by some 3,000 men in a span of about 16 months. That is correct. An average of about 6 or 7 different men, each and every day! you cannot believe what I saw and what I heard and it was quite an education.
But, by all means, keep going with this hot dude. I know that you’re being sensible, but again— well, ya get it.
my main point was to play the field. I’m not making this up. I’ve read a lot of different dating experts who ALL say the same thing.
But, of course… enjoy your full body orgasm. You can really get that, from just a kiss?
That is extremely talented!!! I AM impressed!!! 😉
(((hugs))) ~ Lexie
So glad that you have met someone of substance that spins your wheels. He must be wonderful or you just wouldn’t respond this way, I’ll bet. Enjoy yourself!! XO
Yay! Congrats to Diane and (welcome back) Polly! I am so happy for you both and will, of course, be waiting for all the deets on a regular basis!! Don’t hold back!! It will be the most action I’ve had in years, lol! (wish I was kidding!)Â
Sigh….. The thought of meeting someone special is the last thing on my mind…..Â
On the other hand, it’s the ONLY thing on my mind……
Wishing you both lots of love and happiness, and kisses, and that stupid, silly grin you both must be walking around with most of the time!!!!! 🙂
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