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Do you have them in therapy? What kind of goals do you have? Do you find you’re working well towards them with your therapist?
My sessions often end up me spending most of the 50 mins updating my therapist regarding symptoms and discussing weekly dramas related to my SA — because of that we don’t get as much deep “work” done. Trying to change this. What’s the structure like of your sessions?
Victoria,
We do a lot around latest drama, too, but my therapist goes quickly into EMDR so it actually does get a lot of deep work done.For example, I was struggling with my fear of dr. e and my fear of attorney not listening to me, knowing what to do to protect myself. My PTSD was acting up, I wasn’t able to settle my body or my thoughts. We quickly started out with my pervasive thought- I am afraid, I don’t know what to do, I’m afraid I am going to screw things up. Did EMDR, tied it to other times in my life when I didn’t feel like others heard me, tied it to a recent nightmare, and by the end of the session, my message was, “I can’t control if someone hears me, I can let that shut me down, I can just keep telling my truth, and trust that eventually someone will hear me or at least I did everything I could.” I felt confident instead of fearful.
That’s the structure basically. We don’t do a whole lot of regular talk therapy and slicing and dicing of recent events. I really like it. I’ve done more than enough talk therapy to last a life time.
Victoria, my best therapy sessions were ones where I came in with a basic theme, we then usually discussed recent events in the context of that theme, for example I might tell my therapist I was feeling very afraid. Or very angry, or that I was nervous about becoming a hoochie mama haha, fir me understanding my emotions through trauma therapy helped me the most.
I do my best NOT to have too many “recent events”, which means not having much more than civil contact with my husband. I stopped talking to him about how I feel, stopped asking him how he was feeling. It always led to drama and I could whittle an entire session away just in the re-telling (and crying). I realize that other sisters have some seriously volitile situations, so I’m not suggesting that anyone just “tune him out”! It’s working for me right now, and I feel pretty fortunate for the lull. Now, I realize that he could still be acting out, but I have decided to put that aside and concentrate on myself and my son. It’s almost safer to presume that he is acting out, or “slipping”, than to be wondering and worrying and investigating. Enough of that shit. Anyway, I may change my mind next week, but it’s working for me now!
We’ll be starting EMDR in my next session (never tried it before), so I’m curious to see how that will work.
In addition to the individual therapy, I have forund it *crucial* to find a group of supportive women to meet with on a regular basis. That, even more than my individual therapy, has done wonders for my psyche.Thanks for sharing, I appreciate it. Very interesting!
Do you prepare much before a session? Or do you just go straight in and be more in the moment?
I always say I wish I could press pause for a few weeks, just so I get more done in therapy and have less to update about. These guys bring the most insane level of drama, and even over the smallest things which turn into yet another crisis.
I gave my therapist my list of therapy goals today. She said it was the longest list she had seen from a client, but it was only 1 page. So I felt surprised. And it wasn’t even everything. Did it to get more on track and achieve more than only updating her on the latest mess — even though doing that is also important. Therapy is my only local support, so it helps me get through each week and obviously I need her to know what’s going on.
I also read out a specific list of what I need in a therapist and what’s most important to me about therapy. That felt good to voice and reaffirm some points. Even though I have seen her for 1 year already.
She does EMDR, but we haven’t started yet. I keep putting it off. I have heard from other PTSD sufferers that the flood gates open. It can can get worse before it gets better. I have not been ready for that. My symptoms are in the med-low range lately, which is good. I need this “break”. And it is a break compared to the first 2 years which were so intense. Plus you need to access emotions during it. I am still working on connecting to my emotions in therapy, because I go into a self-protective numb mode, usually with one priority — get all the information out, and it’s much easier to do that if I’m not feeling the pain at the same time. That’s how my mind has been working for therapy.
Today I was able to feel and cry more in session. I felt so vulnerable and nauseous afterwards once I left.
She said to me that she notices how much I fight and try to prove my experience. I said I can’t help it — it’s almost an ingrained part of me now because I have had to do it for so long under so much threat, ignorance, attack, and victim blaming, and stress of continuously falling down the rabbit hole. She acknowledged that I have had to fight every single day. To be believed, to be heard, to be taken seriously, to not get hurt again, to not be thrown under the bus, for my experience not to be minimized. Such an exhausting assault to endure and cope with, to survive on top of everything. I was saying in the other thread, I think Minwalla may be the only place I can finally relax and be free. Put down my shield and sword, because I may not need them.
Well Victoria you know what I think about you getting to Minwalla. Victoria I used to wonder why you just couldn’t get over this. I was coming from a loving place much like Bev said previously as a mother would her daughter. I apologise for this. Your trauma is real to you. Just because you are young and you didn’t marry your partner does not make your experience less traumatic than my own. Mine might be slightly more complicated by children, assets etc etc but both our trauma experiences are real. I can only encourage you again to go to the Minwalla Intensive. I went there feeling shame about wanting to stay in my marriage. I felt I would be judged and I think this is a fear in you. Are you concerned that the other women will make you feel ashamed or that they will not recognise your trauma is as real as theirs? Is this why you would rather have individual therapy? I can promise you Victoria that you will not be shamed. You will have 5 other women (and therapists) that will stand with you. Your trauma will be acknowledged as real. Your behaviours will not be viewed as peculiar (as I once viewed them). They will be seen as normal reactions to a terribly traumatic experience/experiences and this will be worked on so that you have the strength to live a life not free of triggers and trauma but the ability to manage them.
Much love to you Victoria (as always) Catherine
Victoria,
I think that one of the gifts of getting older is you get really good at figuring out what is essential. I see my own daughter doing what I think you might be doing- that is, having so much going on that it is just more than anyone person can do at one time. You are a smart girl and your traumatized brain is going a hundred miles per hour.So I will tell you what I tell her. How can you simplify it? What is the first step you need to take? What is your first priority? If you can’t get it down to one then fine- pick 2 or 3. But paring it down is going to give you something that is more manageable, something you can focus on, and therefore something you can have some success in making progress at. Keep it simple. Let go of the rest for now.
I will tell you that what Minwalla and the 5 women I met did for me was support my desire and ability to focus on me – I have not posted anything about H, specifically his behavior, on SOS since I went to Minwalla – that is absolutely a gift to me – liberating. The pain I have experienced is known to me – the resilience I have that has allowed me to lean into my life through many experiences of loss, in addition to this mess, is also mine to remember and claim back. I am soooooo buying that dress xox
My two therapy goals are to get rid of the reason I need therapy (him) and then to not need therapy anymore.
Problem solved.
And I don’t even have a therapist!!
I will drink to that. I am so sick of therapy that I quit and I hate to even think about going back. I do have one therapist that I really like but she doesn’t know much about SA. My psychologist is really good but he talks too much and I get irritated. I just don’t think I am a very good patient/client whatever…..
I will consider Minwalla’s intensive. I promised Daisy 🙂
Meg, you said that you’re a size 4. Can I just say a loving “fuck you”? I think i was in 7th grade the last time i was a size 4. This has nothing to do with sa, just loving envy that you’re buying designer dresses and looking like a movie star. I’m sooo jealous. You go, sister!!
Bev, finances are so horrible right now that I can’t afford a Minwalla treatment. I know that I could use trauma treatment, but I’d prefer to spend less money and just meet up with a couple of SOS ladies and bond. I’m on the west coast and it seems like everyone is far from me, but I’m willing to travel!!
Ali, thanks for saying out loud what I was thinking. Size 4?? Damn… May have to blow the cobwebs off the elliptical. 🙂 Meg, I can’t wait to see pictures of your size 4 boney ass in that dress (you said a back view). 😀 😀
Ali, I totally understand the “everyone is far from me” feeling here in Ohio. I’m sure Dayton isn’t on your list of Top 10 Travel Destinations but if you ever want to come and hang out with me, I would love to have you. I have plenty of empty bedrooms and some really good bars and restaurants nearby. I will even take you out and embarrass myself on the golf course. 🙂
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