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Well, here’s a good one. My h commented a couple of days ago that he feels our relationship seems so much better now than it was over the summer. This is making me chuckle because he is perceiving my distancing/detachment (which is difficult and painful for ME) as a lovely turn of events in our relationship. I guess the person that was lashing out at him this summer was no fun. Isn’t that priceless?
During the same conversation, we also talked about Valentine’s Day. That day, I had left for work before him. So he sent me a text saying. “Sorry I missed you this morning. Happy Valentine’s Day. I love you.” And that was it for the day. I’m really not a materialistic person, but I guess it would have been nice if he did a little something as part of his supposed recovery and “becoming a better husband.” Maybe it would have been nice if he thought I could use a spa gift certificate? Even a card with a hand written note expressing some of his feelings/sorrows/care, etc, would have been nice. So at the end of the day, with nothing but a text, I treated myself to a new purse.
Anyway, I planned to let it go, but when this conversation came up, I let him know that it hurt me that there was nothing but a text. In fact, although it was probably unintentional, the text almost rubbed it in my face that others were happily celebrating the day. I mean, what kind of spouse texts “Happy Valentine’s Day”? So when I told him my feelings, he reminded me that he’s not a “flowers and candy” kind of person. Ok, well good thing I didn’t get him any. 😉 He also reminded me that the life insurance policy that I’m a beneficiary of, is his way of showing love. Well, that says romance. And now here’s the best of all….drum roll please….he said he didn’t get me anything because he didn’t want to “give me false hope.”
And now you know why I posted this in funny stuff.Zumbagirl
Oh my gosh. Does he (they) have a list of “stupid things to say” ready to refer to at his (their) fingertips?
If only they could say “I am sorry”. Period. Nothing more but certainly nothing less.
Ellenz girl i quit really i quit i can not take anymore they are all the same i dont care what you do they are all the same. i asked my daughter today how do you feel about 2 mommys. i was joking but damn is it worth it. i joined a meetup group tonight, its just a group that meets for dinner, hikes, trips thats what the website says anyway. who knows i am just so sick of it all.
much love kattYes, do tell! Here’s a quote for ya ZGirl: “Boys are like purses; Cute, full of crap, and can always be replaced.”
Liza, that was a really cute one!
ZG,
He’s starting to remind me of Joe. Joe used to pull that shit on me and say stupid stuff like that. I would show him the presents he bought me. Hopes up about what ???? What a dip shit.Love ya, Nap
Good Grief,
They are SUCH numbskulls. Now I was treated to a huge bouquet of red roses with a teddy bear attached no less and DRUM ROLL…a lovely, heartfelt handwritten note about how much he wished he was here, he would be thinking of me all day, all my love xx. 28 years with the fool and flowers 3 times and a few jokey cards that say nothing. A grocery store bunch flung on the table in case my girlfriends asked what I got, a stupendous pink rose bouquet in 2007 while he f–ked half of Asia in my bed and these. It is the same deal as you Z girl. I don’t bother trying to address his behavior in any way (UNLESS he is in my physical presense and then I have a zero tolerance policy and he knows it), so he thinks we are doing better? How brain dead can a man be to think any woman is going to “forget” what they do?? I just let him run with his rope…..I have my own plan and I am not disclosing it now. They are something else! 😉
Zumba – what’s the “false hope” thing all about? That he might recover?
I got the grocery store roses this year….better than nothing, I guess. Next year I’ll know to go shopping for myself – great idea Zumba!
Zumba, Its sad that they can be so clueless and inconsiderate! Im with Ellen–if only they could just say and BE sorry!
NAP and Debinca: my false hope is about our marriage working out, lol! He wants to take it one day at a time, and rebuild slowly, with no guarantee for the future (LOL). He doesn’t know/get that I’ve already mentally checked out. I’m keeping my future to myself for now so I can plan without pressure.
Diane, point well taken: it’s a cute Coach satchel, in their signature sateen fabric–cream colored with tan leather trim. I’ve always wanted to treat myself to a Coach. I tend to bang my bags around (you know, typical carpool mom, lol!). But hey, you only live once! And it’s actually from the factory outlet store, so it’s a little less guilt-inducing. 🙂 And Deb, there was no Christmas gift for me either. So I went shopping for myself on December 26th too! 🙂
Katt, tell us how your group goes. I’m glad you are doing something for yourself!!
Karen, you are so right. It’s boggling…why try to explain the unexplainable? Or try to compare abnormal behavior to normal expectations? I do find that my recent distancing lets me stand back a little more and observe my h like a specimen. It’s fascinating, to say the least. 😉
NAP, can you believe it? I always got my SA a gift. Sometimes he’d get me something; sometimes not. I guess he flipped a coin? And it’s hard to call a person on something like that without it being taken the wrong way…he always said his family wasn’t big on holidays. OK, that’s nice to know as I host his whole family for Christmas every year. (Oh well, thank goodness I love THEM.) Anyways, I got myself a one year subscription to Audible.com, so I can listen to audiobooks on my iphone, in my car, etc. I do love it; it’s a real treat for me!! Hmmm…what’s the next holiday I can buy myself something for? Some St. Patrick’s Day emeralds? 😉
A husband who is thoughtful on Holidays… He’d come straight out of fantasy land wearing his armor and riding a unicorn!!! lol
I like that Liza!
I got a “Happy Valentine’s Day” text as well. I sent one too. But then again, I text my children when they are in the next room.
I watched a Sinbad stand up the other day and he said that you need to buy yourself a really expensive car and say, “Look what you bought me for my birthday!” to your husband and see if he EVER forgets your birthday again.
These a. holes (I’m giving up swearing for lent) (except to finish my short story, God said okay.) get off on doing this BS to us!
ZG, I think I’d quit making him dinner and doing his laundry, if he asks about it say “My family wasn’t big on dinner and laundry” so have at it. (of course you still cook and do laundry for you and your kids).
Hope this helps!
Love, Nap
Zumba – your husband’s comment about not having false hope is abusive. IMO, you either commit to working on something or not. Geeeezzz. Sounds like he is making up an excuse for acting out – “well, I told her not to have false hope”. I’ll never forget my SA and I having amazing sex and afterward he said “no strings attached, OK?”. I should have left right then and there…..it was his asshole SA brain at work (turns out he was screwing yoganana). Yuck.
UGH!!! Can you imagine saying “no strings attached” to your spouse?! I swear we are all starring in a Twilight Zone episode. Excuse me while I go hit something now.
So, back to the purse…
I went to the Coach website and WOW!, these are fabulous purses! I loved them and I’m so picky about purses. I’m really glad you treated yourself to one, ZG, because you are certainly worth one of these understatedly elegant, beautiful, and practical bags.It’s very important for the road ahead (from my own experience) to have confidence that you can look after yourself, and give yourself what you need, even when its a purse. I found this out, except my purse was a small oil painting. And instead of reminding me of what “the man” didn’t do, it reminds me that I know what I’m worth and I can look after myself.
Now, clearly, the purse is not just a purse. You get to choose here. Do you just want the purse to be about what the numbskull didn’t do for you? Or is it a sign that you could actually have a very nice life looking after yourself without ANY reference to him not doing it? Or—a third option, perhaps? (I don’t like the false ultimacy of dualistc thinking so you should have a third option available if you want one, I just don’t have one for you)I realize we can’t beautiful purses oil paintings every day, but it’s good to know that we will, when the time is right. And in between, those daily ways we need to love ourselves can become more important. Self-love isn’t selfish. It’s the missing piece for many of us. If we don’t love our own lives enough to allow ourselves joy and safety both, why is the numbskull going to do it?
Can you post a picture of the purse you gave yourself? I would love to ogle it.
love you ZG. We all do.
Thank you, Diane. I love you too. I like your idea too. For me, the purse is going to symbolize the beautiful things in life I deserve (and I don’t mean just materialistic things…I mean ALL of life’s joys and offerings.)
Ok, I’ll see if I can get that picture…with a little help from JoAnn, perhaps. 🙂P.S. Sometimes I get out to the Coach Outlet store, but right now coachfactory.com is having a 48 hour sale that ends tomorrow! That’s where I got my bag–I still hate paying full retail! I think you all need an Easter gift. 🙂
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