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So much for the family Christmas card. i was creating it in Photoshop the day i found out about the the ‘one time’. what a waste of a day. i suppose now i will make one with just a picture of my beautiful daughter saying “merry Christmas from andrea and annika-rose” and send them to the few people that are ‘my friends’.
So much for happily ever after. i took my wedding band off five days ago. i am planning on selling it to a gold buyer to buy the baby a rocking horse for Christmas and tuck some safely away for when i need it. sadly, it is worth more selling it to some hock house than it ever was on my finger. he lost his back in February and never bothered to replace it. i thought it was a sign back then. then in april when i caught him chatting with that faggot on facebook, i told him this never would have happened if he’d had his wedding band on. he still never made an effort to replace it. little did i know that he’d been actively pursuing blow jobs from other men for many months before he ever lost it. it WAS definitely a sign. i just chose not to see it.
So much for forever your girl. he wants to keep trying, hopes that i will someday love him again. i keep telling him that i just don’t see how that can possibly happen. he knows he can be the man he wants to be. but that man swore to God he was telling me the truth when he KNEW he was lying. i don’t see how i could ever have faith in someone who is so low he can SWEAR TO GOD he is telling the truth when he is lying his nasty face off. that man also took a vow before God and his whole family to love, to cherish, to honor and to obey, til death do us part. maybe he had his fingers crossed behind his back when he said ‘i do’ so it didn’t really count. i hope he CAN be the man he wants to be. but it won’t be for me. it’ll be for whoever ends up with his sorry ass next. he calls me from work to ask me if i’m ok. says to me ‘i’m just showing my concern.’ it’s funny, laughable to me that he wants me to believe he’s concerned now. he wasn’t concerned when he was getting his dick sucked by a STRING of nameless faggots on his lunch break. i simply do not believe he is really that fucking ‘concerned.’ if he was….well, you know.
he swears to me it will never happen again. i wonder if he realizes how moronic that sounds coming out of his lying mouth? i don’t think he does. because then he says things like ‘i know it won’t happen again, because i don’t want it to’ all the while saying he didn’t want it to happen in the first place. i keep asking him if he REALLY doesn’t see the fault in that logic. he doesn’t.… we could keep trying but things will never change, so I don’t look back,
Still dying with every step I take…..
And it still hurts with every heartbeat….
“With Every Heartbeat”–RobynI’m so sorry for your pain. I know it so well. Early into disclosure, my husband swore on his daughter’s life that he hadn’t actually had sex with anyone. Later, when the truth came out, I asked him how he could have sworn that way and he reallyandtruly said, “I had my fingers crossed.”
Although our circumstances are different, the pain isn’t; my husband has behaved similarly.
I’m so, so sorry he did this to you.
(((hugs))) ~ L
I was just reading something I wrote right after my last D-day last August:
The first is an IM exchange between us when I contacted him at work, after I found encrypted emails between him and a fellow employee who lives in Kansas City and where he had been just a few weeks earlier. (on business)
oh, and he brought me back a mug. how kind.
He didn’t swear to God… no, just on the lives of our children. sweet.
Prima Ballerina (8/2/2011 4:53:03 PM): and so you saw her when you were there?
Prima Ballerina (8/2/2011 4:53:05 PM): nice
Sam (8/2/2011 4:53:06 PM): i’m not seeing a single other person.
Sam (8/2/2011 4:53:06 PM): not a soul
Prima Ballerina (8/2/2011 4:53:13 PM): liarThen… he went on to say that he would get help and see the psychiatrist…
NOW, he maintains that nothing happened and he doesn’t know what he meant by “I’m not seeing a single other person.”
And he has sworn on the lives or our children… but quite frankly, he’s fucked them over too, by proxy.
THAT situation is what caused him to DROP EVERYTHING AND COME HOME FROTHING AT THE MOUTH LIKE A RABID DOG.
And now, he’s maintaining that it was just a “friendship,” albeit a pretty effin inappropriate one, and *HE* was uncomfortable.
****
sure, sure… he was so uncomfortable, he had bought two books so he could learn fucking Spanish. (sorry, if that offends anyone, nothing against Spanish, per se, just the context).
I ripped those two books apart and threw them straight into the trash.
xo ~ L
Does the word pathological liar mean anything to any of you girls? 🙂 You CANNOT get the truth out of these men. Trying to is an exercise in frustration and a waste of time. I am sorry….I KNOW it hurts. 🙁 Karen xx
I think it is important for us to linger in the darkness until we truly don’t want it anymore. That is how we change the direction of our lives, looking for the light instead of standing in the shadows and being pushed over the edge into darkness regularly. Where is the light in our lives? If these SA’s aren’t bringing any, then why are we dragging them around? Why do we turn back to their darkness and try and pretend it isn’t so dark. It is. Turn to the light. Follow the light. Encourage the SA to do the same. But for heaven sakes don’t wait for him to do it. Lead with your life. Make him catch up. If he can’t or doesn’t really want to, thenyou still have a life filled with light.
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