Ticking Time bombs?

watch carefully for juggling of another addiction. My stbxah increased alcohol and substance abuse after his confession of being SA. but he was never consistant about going to therapy neither, sounds like yours is.

i think it is good that he is listening to his “warning signals”. HIs addictive brain–wants a replacement if he is starving it. They easily juggle. so just watch, and look for signs.

I wish I could say what a real recovery would look and feel like to give more advice. but I don’t. That is where your gut comes in Deb. Trust it with your life.

Mine jumped right in last year then gradually after 3 mos stopped therapy and group then came the defensiveness and blaming again! When he acted out and caught him via the phone app he would be a jerk about it and lie as well as minimize. This is when I started thinking ‘Here we go again.’ which is when I put the gps device on the car bc I wanted to know how bad it was and what truths were actual truths. It’s the lull as I call it. The time they acknowledge to the time they feel we are less suspicious then BAM! they hit us hard again with getting caught at something else. I dread lulls!!!!

According to Dr Phil, an addiction is always replaced with another addiction and in a healthy recovery it’s a healthy addiction like working in the yard or taking up golf or some other activity which isn’t self destructive.

My h when he was in recovery for a very short period went right to the alcohol and never had a history of drinking before. He would fix himself 2-3 hard liquor drinks a night and they didn’t seem to phase him. Just goes to show how addicted his brain is.

Oh gosh Deb my h is really hard core addicted. He’d been seeing prostitutes for 10 yrs even before we married. When I found out about his addiction in Oct 2010 i made him go to the psychologist in town who specializes in it and did individual and group therapy (men only). Well, when she heard his history she told him he needed to go away for 2 mo to a treatment center she recommended before he could begin outpt. He told his boss (not for what) and he was approved the time off. He toldy daughters he was going away then 2 wks went by and he never left (asshole).

Anyway, she and him worked out an outpt plan. I quess be was sober 2 months, started drinking and became very, very, very OCD plus he was out working in the yard 4 hrs on weekdays after work and 12 hrs on the weekends it was totally bizarre. He seemed manic to me.

Then about 5 months in he started to skip hiseetimgs to go have sex with random women (hookers, massage sex parlors. and Internet hook ups). I found this out via his sponcer calling asking where he’s been then me confronting him. When a few weeks later I found his profile looking for an 18 yr old to be her ” sugardaddy” I was tossed out. Not much of a recovery plus towards the end I think he was adding meth to the mix. A lot of sex workers use it and turn their johns onto it. He was literally crazy during the divorce, lost his good job, and has been in a severe depression since the divorce. He’s been back meds and heard he is now able to get out of bed and function. He said ” he fucked up” and he did.

It’s true, but it’s also fine–as long as it’s a positive addiction. When I stopped drinking, I had this huge vortex of time to fill, all those evening hours I’d spent boozing. I had to find something else to do, something else to focus on, so I took up crocheting, something I hadn’t done since I was about 10. I made scarves for EVERYBODY! I was so addicted, I even crocheted in the car, at red lights. Later, I picked up jewelry making, mostly charm bracelets, and I’m still on a crafts kick. All of these things are much healthier and more productive than “using.”

My idiot did what NAP’s did–started drinking hard liquor, which he never did before. I went nuts and pointed it out, and named what it was, but what’s the use? They just can’t live without ruining everything for everyone else. So I told him to leave. Then I sold the house and moved. Now he’s just addicted to his superiority. How dumb is that. He can’t get through a day without hanging onto his weewee for dear life, but he’s superior???!!!