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I’m sorry, Ella, I am also confused. The question was, “how is a sex addict able to recover even if they have no such intention?”
I know that plenty of SAs DO (or claim they do) have an intention to recover, and they still can’t do it, so how can someone who has NO intention of recovering, going to possibly manage to accomplish that?
Wow, I am really being misunderstood here. I apologize that I am not as good at getting across my thoughts in writing as I thought I was. I am ABSOLUTELY in NO way saying that an addict can recover if they have no intention of recovering. I thought that is what I have said over and over. If I am not making sense I am very sorry. I give up.
Let me re-phrase this sentence in one LAST attempt: ““even if their SA is unwilling or unable to recover, recovery is possible”
Even though some sex addicts do not/will not/can not recover, there are some who do, will, and can. I hope that makes sense.
Ahhhhhh Ella,
Don’t let us frustrate you, Dear Girl. 🙂 Think of us like a test run for all the BS you are going to hear in the run of a day from the ones who are only there to appease their wives 🙂 I KNOW exactly what you are trying to say even though I do not really view this problem as an addiction? Thats ok Ella…..life is long eh? We are all proven wrong or right at some point in the process. It doesn’t matter really. You are going to meet wives like us in your work….women who do NOT believe it is an addiction, women who do believe it is an addiction but do NOT believe it can b fixed, women who believe it is an addiction and believe it can be fixed despite the fact that you can see their husband is full of shit AND also couples you can help….no matter what ANY of us believe? So keep up the good fight….. Karen xoxox
I’m with Lexie, I’m totally confused, I’m sorry Ella, it’s not clear and your statement is ambiguous. If youre suggesting a miracle can happen, then I see your point.
As my last post on this site, since I have already informed JoAnn I am leaving at least temporarily and am waiting for her to remove me….I think the trouble you all are having with my statements is simply the fact that you do not believe recovery is ever possible for a sex addict. It isn’t that you misunderstand me. You disagree with me. While rare, I do believe recovery is possible. So does Barbara Steffens and Milton Magness, whose names are mentioned as “favorite links” to the right of this screen. So I can only assume JoAnn, the creator of this site, also believes that SA is a real thing and that it is possible for some addicts to find recovery. Like I told JoAnn, I know about 10 sex addicts (yeah, only 10 in my work with SA for a year and a half) who I have grown to love like family and I know their hearts are in the right place. There are a few others who are not my clients, but who I know personally to be sober. Could some of these guys have me fooled? Sure. But I am not going to dwell on that. I can not predict whether they will be able maintain their sobriety, but they are trying so hard, and they are not evil monsters. Yes, I am offended when I hear all sex addicts being called that. If recovery is impossible much of the work I do, is futile.
Kmf, thank you for your kind words. Let me clarify, this is no rest run. I see a a variety of cases daily. And I support every woman who comes through my office, no matter what she believes or what she wants. I don’t focus on some model. I focus on her needs and supporting her and loving her. But I have already said all this and I am not being believed. I shoudn’t feel the need to have to defend myself here, but I am tired of being interpreted as the enemy by some of you.
If any of you would like to remain in touch I would love that. Feel free to email me any time at ella.hutchinson@yahoo.com or post on my blog.
No matter how many frustrating cases I see, where I do see a jerk who doesn’t want to recover, I will continue to believe that yes, miracles CAN happen.
Ella,
I want to apologize to you. I did not mean to offend you. I was just trying to understand how a person is unwilling or unable could recover. I thought you may have some insight on this to share. I do think addicts can recover and I do believe in miracles because I’ve seen one first hand with my daughters illness. I’m sorry this turned ugly because I didn’t mean for it too. I hope you will accept my apology.
Sincerely, NapI’m really confused now by the actual discussion, and I don’t intend to add to the confusion!!
But mostly know that it would be very sad to lose you Ella, because I have alway appreciated your posts, whether I share your perspective or not. I learn from you, am challenged by you, and respect you. I also think you are doing important work, and that there will be value added to whole field by the perspective you are using in it.
It is very easy to be hurt when we aren’t understanding each other very well. Could we just step back and breathe a little. Everyone has a great deal at stake in our discussions, and we can’t always know the way our words are going to be heard. And sometimes, something has just happened in our own lives that affects how we speak and how we hear. From time to time, we err without knowing. Please give us a chance to regroup and re-express.
light to all,
Diane.I agree with zgirl. Great post Diane. It is difficult for us to put into words what we are trying to say sometimes. And unfortunately not matter how many explanation points or emoticons we use it sometimes can be taken the wrong way. I think all of this was a misunderstanding and should be tossed aside without hurt feelings. We may from time to time have disagreements, but I hope they never lead to hurt feelings.
Claire
Ella,
I’m not sure if you’re still a member here or not, but I am one of the handful on here that am hopeful that my husband will be one of those rare few that will make it through to sobriety. I find that I too have to defend him and myself quite a bit on and have backed off on posting because of it. I understand why everyone posts the responses that they do, but it can get tiring defending myself and/or my husband with each of my posts. So, I get that part. Each of us has been ripped apart and hurt immensely.
However, if it wasn’t for this site, I wouldn’t have had my eyes opened to something so blatantly obvious last weekend, my husband had a relapse, not a slip. It took someone from this site to open my eyes and tell me the harsh truth of it, and I will say she did it quite kindly even though it sucked to hear =)
I don’t know if you’ll decide to leave or stay – but maybe helping us heal, answering questions, just like you would if we were in your office and looking at us in that aspect would help?
I don’t think anyone here looks at you as an enemy.
SS
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