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Tomorrow after waiting what seems to be forever is my h first session. He insists on going alone, said he has to do this for himself. I have mixed emotions on this. I would like to know what things he needs to ask this therapist to ensure he is good and do you all have a written agreement that the dr can talk to you about his therapy? I want that. I won’t know if he’s lying otherwise. I feel this is pointless and I am game to play it his way for a few weeks, but after that i will tell him inpatient or i’m leaving. We live in a small town in the midwest and it’s hard to find any therapists period, let alone an addiction therapist. Not very hopeful, but trying to stay positive. And in the beginning, did anyone set boundaries and what were they?? It’s amazing how they make you feel awkward bringing up the issue, but i try to daily to make sure he knows things are not status quo. AS delusional as this sounds, I am hoping i caught him before he did anything I can’t live with( participating in homosexual stuff in person) ……….. he confessed to spur of the moment meeting one female person 6 months ago…. it was bad enough having phone sex, texting and chat sex with God knows how many others. Same thing in my book. Anyway……… long day tomorrow i think.
I got nothing from my ex’s CSAT. Nothing.
And it’s good to know that they lie about you to the CSAT, and they lie about the CSAT to you.
I refused to play nice and be a co-addict for the CSAT so I was disappeared from the whole picture.
Sorry, that sound’s grim, but that’s the truth as I know it.
I don’t really how being more involved would have made any difference anyway. It just would have used up more of my time and energy, and the treatment was totally bogus and money-sucking.
I don’t know if his CSAT was a so-called “recovered” sex addict as so may of them are, but I was led to believe she was a recovered addict of some kind and was a 12 step ideologue.
Doomed. We were doomed.But hey, that’s just my experience. And I sensed you weren’t much for the “oh, everything will be just fine” speech.
All three sex addiction therapists Greg saw were abysmal. Two were recovering SA’s themselves. Bill Herring strikes me as a Narcissist and Michael Dunn is a disgusting little troll. I swear he stared at my feet (I was wearing sandals) the whole session I attended with Greg. The first therapist, a woman, was wearing black boots with 6-inch spiked heels when I met her–they seriously looked like hooker boots. She’s the one who told Greg (when he described how I’d been acting right after discovery) that I was Borderline. She liked to refer to her clients as “MY addicts” and was awesome at sharing personal info about other couples and then telling my h where the man went to meetings and what his name was. In other words, confidentiality didn’t exist. So now Greg is seeing a woman who specializes in attachment disorders. Who the fuck knows what that will accomplish.
Imth, all this just to piggyback on what Diane said and to warn you not to put your trust in CSAT’s. Trust only yourself.
My only dealing i have ever had with a therapist was when i was 15 and turned my father in for molesting me. ( my two older sisters were too) The court required counseling. Basically the therapist told me i was lucky he just fondled me and talked sexually to me and didnt sleep with me. Yeah that’s what i needed to hear : / 2 sessions and done….no wonder im screwed up : ) That is why i am doubting any sucess.
I’m sorry about both experiences–the molestation AND the emotional rape by your therapist. Have you ever tried EMDR? I have had much success with it personally, as a client, and professionally, as a counselor.
I’m sorry about both experiences–the molestation AND the emotional rape by your therapist. Have you ever tried EMDR? I have had much success with it personally, as a client, and professionally, as a counselor.
Hi 86,
The ONLY success ( if you want to call it that) that I have had with my H`s CSAT is that my H did sign that I was eligible to be informed about what was going on with therapy and Doctor Minwalla has spoken to the guy and they seem to be on the same page as far as my role goes.
I don`t know if that is any help to you and I can`t tell you a lot about it because I don`t call the guy or attend any sessions. It does seem to be helping my H as far as how is acting for now. This has only been a few months so don`t get too excited…..
I would suggest that you wait a couple of months ( IF you were planning on staying in the marriage at all) and call the CSAT and form your own opinion.
I created my boundaries as I figured out what I needed. It wasn`t a neat little list like most do. I was too traumatized to figure out what I needed for awhile and I wasn`t going to make a list that said ” don`t screw hookers”….That`s just me but JoAnn`s book did help clarify to me what an actual boundary was. I had to read it several times for it to sink in. I did not create a boundary list or anything else on my H`s timeframe ( or his doctors). I did things at my pace and if they didn`t like it, well he knew where the door was.
I got a lot of help from Lili. She is a counselor on the PoSARC site. You can call and get a coaching session with her if you feel shaky about stuff …She is a great gal and has a lot of good info.
I hope it goes well for you. I`ll be thinking of you. Don`t let some goofy CSAT run his/her agenda all over you!!
I’m no help. My STBX lied and fooled every therapist he ever went to (including CSAT). I keep having to catch him and then they say “oh yes, well, THIS time he is REALLY in recovery.” And then I catch him again. Very tedious and ridiculous.
I hope you have better luck.
And do try to find a good trauma therapist for you- especially who does EMDR, like March said. You deserve to take good care of yourself.
I think there are likely good CSATs and lousy ones. IMO, they should give you updates on your SA so that you can make an informed decision about staying or leaving. Be careful, though, as I think that some therapists aren’t in favor of inpatient treatment because it takes $$ out of their pockets. And IMO, inpatient is much more effective than weekly sessions. That’s been my own personal experience for my own stuff.
It’s so hard to “let go” and see what happens – our whole freakin world, family, etc. is dependent on them – but they go at their own pace – and when they start saying “stay on your side of the street” – well, that’s when it’s time to kick them in the butt. Full transparency means that you get to know where they are in their recovery efforts from time to time.
Let’s hope your SA’s CSAT is decent. Keep us posted.
Deb
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