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I know a few of you have asked what my life is like now.
I am still Divorced and living alone, which will be forever. My Ex decided to name me as primary beneficiary of his trust-who knows why, but I am not gonna say no.
He is still the sex addict he has always been with absolutely no improvement-same pro lies, high fetish fantasy’s, and objectification. Anything-even billboards.
His family disowned him after he disclosed everything about his addiction to them. He has no friends, and I am the only friend he has.
By that, I mean FRIEND. I have absolutely no feelings for this man whatsoever. I fell out of love with him a year ago. When I talk to him it is like talking to a neighbor. (A weird feeling). He is what he is, and that will never change.
So beware, for those of you who are new and are on the fence, I would like to give an opinion. My Ex has had 2 years of therapy, has read every self-help book on the market, and spent 2 weeks attending an Intensive in California. His brain is programmed this way, and that is what happens after years with a sex addiction, It is what it is. He, like many other men, have appeared stongly motivated and gone through the steps towards recovery, but the brain is now programmed towards addiction, and it would take years to even get to the point of managing his addiction. So girls, think very seriously before you decide to stay with your h. Do this ONLY if you are prepared to accept the addiction or be prepared to go through years and years of slips and relapses while he is working on recovery. I have yet to see an SA who has recovered. I know it is difficult and a devestating decision to make when or if you decide to leave. I Did – for all the reasons above. It was taking a toll on my mental and physical well-being. Don’t let anyone do that to you.
Now, on a good note- I am starting a support group for wives of Sex Addicts. It will be underway the first week of January. My pastor’s allowed me to have the meetings in a room at church, as they agree there is a real need for these kinds of groups out in the community. I chose to make it non church affiliated, as that will give me more freedom to run the group the way I want. I am in the process of sending flyers out to all the Therapist’s and churches in the area, and there will be one hanging in our church with an announcement in our newsletter.
JoAnn has given me tips for getting started, (such a sweetheart) so she and S.O.S. will be one of the references I use so the gals can gain resources and information from here, and maybe might consider joining so they can learn straight from the mouth what it is like being married to a sex addict. I will encourage that. Anyway, I am very excited about this, so hope nothing gets in the way of getting this thing going.
Just came back from the Dr. There is still infection, although slightly better. He feels when I see the Infectious Disease Doc tomorrow that I may be having more IV medication. I was surprised I only got one, because usually it is given every 12 hrs. in the hospital. We shall see. Wish me luck.
I will start catching up on posts tomorrow.
Hugs to you all,
SharronSharron,
So good to hear from you. I’ve really missed you. So happy to hear about the group you are going to be starting. You will help so many woman. You have come such a long way in your journey. I wish for healing of your leg and that the medicine will work. You’re a neat and sweet sister Sharron!
Love you, NapSharron, you have been through so much, and I think you are amazing to be starting a wives’ group. I remember you used to be self-deprecating and say you weren’t strong, but I think you are one of the strongest (and kindest) women I know. Sending you big hugs and healing thoughts. xoxo
Thanks for the update Sharron! Here’s hoping Steve gets his wish and gets stomped on a little too aggressively and you end up with a BIG payout!
Sharron-I am newer but I think it’s amazing that you’re starting a support group for women. I hope for healing for your leg too!
Thank you all for the warm welcome backs.
The first thing that hit me right in the face, when I first logged in, is that I have to get rid of my picture on here-It is a 2010 wedding pictures. Ick! I will have to have my granddaughter snap one of me so I can post something different.
Also, thank you all for the thoughts prayers and concerns over my medical problems. Maybe it was all of the energy from my sister’s, but I went to the Dr. today and my leg is showing improvement. The redness has decreased somewhat and the swelling is a little better. Interestingly enough, the culture for MRSA came back negative. Why in the hell did he give me Vanco and do a nasal swab for the bacteria. He said before that he thought it was MRSA. JoAnn – Any ideas? He scared the shit out of me, because it is a very EVIL bacteria. The culture from the wound on my leg also came back negative. YEA! So, long story short, I have a nasty bacteria – who knows what- and now the antibiotic by mouth seems to be working. It will be a slow healing, as this crater in my leg of course has to heal from the inside out. The graft took this time, too. All in all I feel very blessed for the outcome.
Liza – your comment cracked me up with your post. I have, in my fantasies, thought about hiring a 650# woman to knock at his door and just stomp the shit out of him. What a way to go. Ha!Hi Sharron and welcome back! I’m glad to hear the medical situation is looking up and that life after the swamp as been good. 🙂
Hi Sharron,
This is GREAT news. I am delighted to hear you are on the mend and doing so well taking care of yourself on all fronts. I’m curious WHY your ex even bothered to tell his family…they are usually so adept at keeping their dirty little secrets well hidden?
I think you will do a wonderful job of facilitating a support group for partners. Your story and posts are well worth reading as it can illustrate clearly how desperate and clouded our feelings and thoughts can become while trying to navigate their so called recovery and how sane and grounded we become once are out of that bullshit fog.
its wonderful to hear from you and that you are thriving. I hope your leg heals quickly now and you can get back to living a full, peaceful life.
Love KarenHi Sharron,
Having been on SOS almost as long as you, what an inspiration you are. You’ve come so very far. And to pay it forward by starting a group is inspiring. Sending more well wishes and love!
xoxo JulieSharron,
I’m so glad to hear that your leg is healing and it’s not MRSA. And good for you for starting a support group! You’ve come a long way!Thanks for all the replies everyone. I forgot to add the I am re-marrying Steve for the financial benefits I will receive by doing so. (And they are huge). It will be strictly a marriage of convenience with Steve and I maintaining separate residences. He knows there is no chance of ever reconciling or being together as a couple. It blew my mind that he isl willing to make me primary beneficiary of his estate should he predecease me. Who knows what goes on in his mind. (Maybe guilt?)
Also, being married, I will start getting a pension from his Railroad Retirement benefits where he worked as a DBA many years ago. Also, in the state of Kansas, or any other state I would guess, he is responsible for any other financial needs that might come up for me.
I have no interest in pursuing other relationships and going through weeding through all the misfits out there who are my age. Most men who are out there to find someone at this age come with a lot of baggage (probably more sex addicts) and I don’t have the energy for it anymore. Anyway, this works for me and I can have the best of both worlds – a strong financial future with the ability to live by myself and Steve can continue doing the same – with all of his acting out, I am sure. Who cares!
Again, thanks to you all for the kind words and support while I have had all this medical stuff happening. I feel truly connected to you all.I forgot to tell you all that I am re-marrying Steve. He decided to make me the primary beneficiary of his estate, and I will also start receiving a monthly spousal allotment from his Railroad Retirement fund when he worked as a DBA many years ago.
I was blown away by his decision since he knows we will both maintain separate residences with no hope of ever reconciling, and that I am not in love with him anymore, so who knows what goes through his mind. (Maybe guilt?).
I am not interested in finding anyone else at age 71. Most of the men out there at this age come with too much baggage, and I don’t have the energy to go through the dating process and weed through all the weirdo’s (Probably more sex addicts. So, I really have the best of both worlds – financial security for the rest of my life while both of us living separately. JoAnn brought up that I need to be sure I can remain detached from him. NO problem there! He can just stay in his own little world of fantasy and addiction and it runs off like water on a ducks back. I feel like this is a good place for me to be.
Again, I really appreciate all the support you have given while
I have been going through all of my cancer stuff. My leg is slowly healing, but still some infection. I will remain on antibiotics for a while and have to do saline soaks with a topical antibiotic at the site.
Anyway, I feel totally connected to you all.
Love,
SharronOkay I’m going to ask. Sharron, do you have to remarry him? Can’t he make you his beneficiary without remarring him. Maybe I’m missing something. Just asking because I care about you and you have come such a long way.
Love, NapYes, he can make me a beneficiary without remarrying him, but my attorney says it is much more substantial and binding if we are. He has 5 kids, and they could contest it and say we weren’t married when it was instituted and he was out of his mind. (Which he is). Secondy, I can now receive part of his pension monthly which really helps out on the finances. Thirdly, wives have certain rights when married in the state of Kansas in which a husband has to adhere to – support me. I will not take advantage of it, but if I have an emergency. need clothes, etc. he has to help me. Fourthly, The post-nump we had enforced will now be turned into a pre-nump with all the benefits it had previously. (I covered my ass). He will continue to pay me alimony, pay my car off, pay Long Term Care Insurance, and Dental and vision for life. He will do this per his choice while we are married. If for some crazy reason he decides to divorce me everything is still in effect. This all seems much more reasonable to me. fourthly, it benefits both of us with taxes. A lot of Seniors stay married for financial reasons and tax deductions. JoAnn seemed to think it is okay as long as I can stay detached. I can’t began to tell you how detached I am!!
If you have any more questions or concerns fire away. I know you are just asking because you care.
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