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OK I have had a horrible relationship with my vagina since all of this shit happened – in clinical terms I have dissociated. It is no longer a part of me but a piece of anatomical insignificance that happens to be the prism through which all other aspects of my identity fail. It is too small, too short, too atrophied, too wide, too hairy, not darkly hairy enough, moist when it needs to be dry, and lip luster when the desire would have been for it it to be mostly receptive. There are days that consume me and my my vagina. It doesn’t look, smell, feel, or respond in the way I know it can. It seems old, and in my case old-fashioned, it sings when I want to dance and sleeps when I want to stay up late. It has no sense of the chaos of my life and ain’t helping me out any. I don’t want to look at it sitting on a blue mat with a fucking mirror in my hand, I just want to feel it respond to a stimuli that is deserving of my attention in a way that doesn’t leave me feeling cheap and disconnected like some blow-up doll on one of those Bravo shows “my secret addiction”. sometimes I really hate my vagina it gets in the way of everything else I am prepared to stand on: love, ethics, loyalty, compassion, forgiveness, but my vagina is unforgivable. It has asymmetry, God forbid grey hair which i have succumbed to coloring – for whom, I don’t know, maybe the ER doc when i have my heart attack. How do we reintroduce ourselves to the part of our body that represents the most fragile element of this whole fucking catastrophe? Help me make friends with my vagina – i know it works with me but I want it to be able to make friends and socialize with other people, my vagina is agoraphobic, I think it needs EMDR, Prozac, plastic surgery or early retirement. Don’t give me any therapeutic cliches I have heard them all – I need tough (not too tough) love – Meg
Meg.
LOL. I don’t know if I have any advice but I sure do share the disconnect. I am so dissociated from my Vagina I could be Sybil. I mean there’s a whole mess of personality down there. don’t know when they’ll come out–on sabbatical for now….:)
haha meg. that was hilarious!
in my recent travels, i found that copious amounts of kopstoot (oud jenever and beer) helped me make friends with mine… 🙂 i think she has forgiven me for neglecting her for the past 10 years…
Meg you are great, never read such a report on a relationship with the. Vagina. Hilarious , ummm but I know exactly what you are talking about 🙂
Meg,
My vagina is in hibernation or a medically-induced coma, allowing her to heal from the travesty that was made of her for the last 23 years. She is awaiting a time when she and and I are safe and someone who will treat us with love and respect. She is also going to have to wait on my brain, who still flashes back to awful images whenever sex comes up.I think, too, that we should each really listen to our vaginas. If she is unforgivable, there is probably a good reason.
Meg, your vagina may be the sanest person on this board. I wouldn’t worry about trying to fix it. I think it is doing exactly the right thing under the circumstances. I do believe that one’s vagina is co-dependent ( I know you said no therapy but indulge me) on one’s brain. I think your vagina is a-okay but your brain needs a little help processing that it is okay too 🙂
I must admit that “my vagina is agoraphobic “cracked me up 🙂
Does your vagina need some retail therapy, or a trip to the salon? That sounds so superficial I know. But it can brighten her spirits.
Could it be that you aren’t listening to your vagina? Maybe it’s okay with some non-human interaction, or self pleasuring. Are you holding your vagina back from healing? Are you getting in the way? Don’t be afraid. Listen to her. She will tell you all you need to know.
Lol. Yes we can’t forget self care for our lady down there. Meg maybe wine and dine her. Take a nice bath, get some candles and play some favorite music. Be patient and it will cooperate with you. It is part of you so to love yourself you need to love all of you, just the way it is 🙂
Do 100 keagels a day and your vagina will ‘wake up’ and you’ll have more of a connection. You don’t have to do them all at once. Ten here, ten there….
Silky, colorful, lovely things that say “I’m beautiful”, whether or not it’s felt to be true at the moment, are a good start.
Acknowledgement is nice, I like going to contra dances where strong men spin me around and smile at me, and I know that there is potential looming on the horizon. Those swirly skirts and make her really happy, too.
I used to be scared of being feminine. And I used to be grossed out by all things female. I think I’m finally starting to embrace my female body. DW no longer has a hold on me. And yes, I’m even starting to accept that part of my body. I still have more i can do in that regard, but it is incredibly empowering to take back my vagina. On my terms.
This thread is providing much-needed comic relief. Meg – you are hilarious, unique & interesting. SOS’s own “Vagina Monologues”.
Oh I got more! Definitely working on those suggestions Diane – Vagina has a lot of relatives she didn’t know about and is busy planning party:-) THank you all – love Meg and her best friend V.
Oh I got more! Definitely working on those suggestions Diane – Vagina has discovered she has a lot of relatives she didn’t know about and is busy planning party:-) THank you all so much – love Meg and her new best friend V.
Meg, you got me thinking in new way about the vaginas topic all together wow, I am very curious now.
You women are my vagina’s new best friends – you told her she looked good even though you haven’t even met her – I know that it all comes from honorable intention and love and if you haven’t even met her and you tell her she is “better than fine” why the hell do I need to be so harsh – I am going to treat ALL of myself with tenderness and rather expensive products!
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