What are some great lies told by an SA?

There have been so many lies, so damned many lies.

but the one that sticks out in my mind as the worst/best? when first found all the calls to prostitutes and other women (who I found out later where also, prostitutes, when he met them but had changed careers since) on my husband’s phone, he kept insisting they were “just friends and we don’t even meet anymore, I would never have sex with them now.” Etc. etc. etc. So I said, why would any married man continue communication with a whore? He said, I kid you not, “To keep them updated on the girls lives, they care about them.” I swear that is closest I ever came to killing anyone. He was using his 18 and 23 year old daughters as excuses for calling whores.

I asked, “you introduced your GIRLS to these whores?” and he said of course not, but I always talked about the girls when I was with them, and they were very interested in how their lives were progressing.” I replied, the girls would be devastated if they knew their personal lives were pillow talk during your whore visits. if you EVER say that again, I will call the girls and let them know how dear they have become to countless whores. Or, I could just email them the websites you have, and they could update your ‘friends’ themselves.

He listed ALL the contacts with his ‘friends’ and whores as “updates” on his disclosures. And then I see the emails in a later disclosure and they say things like “I need someone like you to cuddle with and watch a movie, remember the time we watched … (refering to a sexual encouter), or ‘I loved it when you smiled so warmly about the necklace I gave to you, remember when … (again a reference to a sexual encounter)”

UPdates about the girls, right.

I think I’ve actually heard it all now.

Having seen similar messages that my husband has sent women, I know how horrible it feels to find something like that, but for some reason Helen,your post made me laugh. Your husbands ridiculous response is familiar territory for me too. Your post just threw me into a realization of how hilariously insane all this is. Thanks for the moment of clarity and levity.

There have been so many outrageous ones….too many to count.

Here are the funniest/saddest:

1) I was wrong in my disclosure: it wasn’t 5 years of prostitutes it was actually only one year. (wow! I was so relieved to hear that one).

2) When I saw an email to an affair partner where he said: “Things are better with Deb and I – and sex is back on the table with her….but that hasn’t stopped my extracurricular activities” – my hubby defended this by saying “I was just bragging – it wasn’t the truth”. Yeah right!

3) She’s just a free therapist to me. (Affair #4)
which seems to be a favorite: She’s just a friend (Affair #3)

5) Those love poems on my computer – they are from a love sick secretary in my office who has a crush on me – there isn’t anything going on. (Affair #1).

6) “Since I know that I have a thing about older women – I’ve started looking at younger woman – which is much more normal so I’m really working on my problem.” LOL.

7) I’m not a sex addict because my therapist, two CSATs and my SA sponsor all say that I’m not.

8) When I found hubby with my phone trying to erase a Craigslist ad that he had posted that I had found, he said: I was just trying to erase it so that you wouldn’t obsess over it anymore”. LOL.

9) The money hidden in his car that the kids found: “I was just saving for a ski trip for the kids.” (it was May at the time – LOL).

10) I don’t want to sign releases for the CSATs to talk to your therapist because you are obsessed and on a witchhunt. I’m not a SA!! Really, I’m not.

11) I’m not an SA – my problem is that I just can’t say “no” to weak women who need my help….and then sex just follows as a physical release. (how do CL ads and pros fit into that?).

12) I love you with all my heart.

13) During the last 5 years, he would always say “you would know if I had an affair before I would”. (yeah right!).

OMG Deb,

# 6 I mean what can you say???? 😉 I swear. We need to publish a book of SA lies. It would be a major bestseller of the truth is stranger than fiction variety.

“I had an affair because you don’t clean the house enough.”

WTF????

I KNOW I have told ya’all that several times – but wanted the rookies to see it AND….. I still can’t believe THAT one. I swear on a stack of bibles- the house was spotless at all times!!

And….even if it wasn’t- (because btw, I worked 2 jobs most of our marriage), what the hell dude?? What did you do while “acting out”?? Have the bitch wipe your ass (in the name of cleanliness?? You FREAK!!!!!!