What do you think?

The hardest for me is recovering from the trauma. I actually did a lot of “self” damage by insisting on every single detail of some of the more personal acting out and then did further damage by doing the whole hyper vigilance thing for about two months. Secondary to that, trusting again.

What about for you?

I’m with you NAP. It’s the lying. Lying, deceit, more lying, covering up, mind games, twisting things to blame them on me and yet more lying.
Glad to be out of it.

Bb
x

As Stillstanding mentioned, for me it’s without a doubt the hypervigilance. Second, is lack of trust.

Marie,

You nailed it! Especially the time frame for recovery and the high rate or relapse – sometimes it’s so overwhelming to think about.

My husband relapsed two weeks after his first shot at recovery – real and honest recovery – not the “um, yeah, I’m not looking at porn (until you go to sleep)” recovery.

It just broke my heart and scared me, but, I knew he was on the right path because he told me he slipped and for him to come to me and tell me was a big step. But, the uncertainty of the future, ugh, I try not to think to much about it right now. I have my own timelines in place for certain things and that’s what I think about. Crazy sounding, but they keep me sane for now.

Transcendence,

Hypervigilance was one of the hardest things to stop. I still allow myself to follow up on him when my gut tells me to, but, I was getting out of hand and driving myself insane. It’s embarrassing actually…how much checking I did after I found out. But, I still believe, “trust but verify” and he knows it and he’s okay with it.