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If you are married to a sex addict and have kids, take note.
My daughter has been acting odd sexual behaviors lately. She is 4. Kids her age will explore and be curious, but obsessive interest and penetration are not.
My h talked about how he had sex play with the neighbors when he was growing up. they were the babysitter and slightly older, but not adults. He even brought his brother into the play when he was 5. H made no bid deal of this, and acted like it was normal in a way. Child therpist said he was molested as a child. H never made it sound this way, so it never ocurred to me. And here is the part that will make your heart sink, if he was abused he most likely will go onto abuse; until he deals with his issues.
This combined with my daughters activities are disturbing. The coucelar said he may not be touching her, but he has vioalted her boundaries before by viewing porn in front of her, and he could still be doing that. She feels my daughter is in danger, and i have to beleive her. I really wish i had time to gather more data, however i think we can say since he is pushing for more visitation we can ask for a pscyh eval (which will be more $$$).
But my main point in this IS if you h was abused as a child or even later, they may go onto repeat it. If they have not dealt with their issues, whcih if they have a porn addiction, they have not; they are danger. We really will repeat our past until its dealt with, and every therapist i have been to has said this.
For all of us parents, we are the gate keeper. We are the ones who can change the pattern of abuse with our kids.
If you have little ones at home….you must consider that he could abuse your kids. If he was abused as a child…your kids could be in trouble.
Love,
FloraEven having porn in the house, if they still engage is endagering our kids…this is so important to not minimize the effects on our children!!!
And it does not matter if you are there or not, it will still happen.
So to further describe.
If your h found porn as a kid at uncles house, found he loved it and thence his addiction started…he may go onto to do the same thing in your hh. He may leave it laying around. It is so deeply engrained in them, they will be completetly unaware with what they are doing, and to any dangers they may cause. In this category your h cannot be trusted, his gauge of appropriateness is broken. He cannot make decisions with regards to this on his own.Most of the sex addicts i know of started their addiction at a very young age. Addictions are typically a coping mechanism for some painful past. They are often victims of abuse themselves.
My granddaughter was abused by my ex-husband of 28 yrs. Everyone in the family was clueless.
If your child is exhibiting symptoms of nightmares, afraid in front of the perpetrator, and acting out sexually, please take it seriously.
My granddaughter was taken by, my ex-husband, to his house after we would spend time with her. I was working nights, so he supposedly was taking her home after our outing. My h would call the in-laws, with whom my son and daughter-in-law were living at the time, and tell them my son gave permission for him to take her to his house for awhile. My son knew nothing about this.
Later, she started showing fear of him when he would pick her up, began having nightmares, wetting the bed, and acting out sexually. She was found in the corner on one occasion, and was pushing a stuffed animal (clothed) into the vaginal area.
My son notified the police, had a physical exam, and was going to prosecute his Dad, but unfortunately, my granddaughter was only 5 y/o and would not talk about it to police. By the time she was older, and able to talk about it, my son felt it would do more psychological damage to her if he took his Dad to court.
Very sad story. To this day, my Ex has gotten away with it.
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