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In full disclosure I’m stealing this from a recent post from Chump Lady. I know many of us read her (if you don’t, you should!) but I don’t post on her site so I thought we should start our own list of the things we’ve done – big accomplishments and little ones – since DDay. Some days, I count getting a shower as an accomplishment – we have to celebrate the little victories so I’ll start:
1) Became a Pet Owner – we adopted a puppy, Lucy, one month after h. moved out. I never had a dog so didn’t know what the hell I was doing but my girls have been begging for a puppy for years. She’s a love bug and has brought so much joy to our house in the few months that we’ve owned her. (btw, much to my chagrin, I’ve become one of “those people” who talk about my dog like she’s a person!)
2) Took my daughters on several trips this summer to visit friends & family and had many friends & family visit us. Despite the shit with my h., we really had a great summer!
3) Managed to kick-ass in my job, despite the emotional hell that I went through since D-Day last August
4) Made an appointment to get Botox (yikes!). I’m only 41 but have forehead wrinkles and figured, what the hell!
5) One-year anniversary of D-Day (8/31) came & went and I didn’t even realize it until 2 days later! Yesterday (9/4), was our 14 year wedding anniversary & I felt completely “meh” about it.
I’m sure there are more things but that’s what I have for now and can’t wait to hear about you all!
Right this moment, I am heading out to the tenant meeting at the art gallery where I signed a lease and show artwork. I hadn’t painted for 25 years, and started up again, because it helps me process, and I just like it. I even got the city to agree to put up directional signs to our “arts district” around town. Because the other artists are constantly worried about the gift shop’s sales. I could care less, but it that’s what it takes to keep this place open, I’ll do all I can to boost sales, whatever it takes.
That’s what I do just for me.
Oh, and trips to the organic farm in the mountains. They like me there, and I think they’re a great bunch, too.
Ill play! 🙂
1) Left my abusive SA and moved to Arizona last May. Woot Hoot! (my great escape)
2) After 4 D-days and more than a decade of SA garbage, emotional abuse and oppression– divorce was finalized in October. 🙂
3) Travelled to China (twice), Russia, France, Germany & Switzerland to lead meditation and business ethics workshops
4)Met (July 1st of last year) and married (June 29th) the greatest guy I have ever known! I know it was quick, but it was RIGHT!
5) Started a new job last Monday making more money than I have ever made before!It has been such a life changing and empowering thing to finally get out from under the heavy load of hurt and grief. I could pretty much summarize it all in 2 steps. 1) Got OUT and 2) Got HAPPY!
Bonnie, you rock!!! The money thing is so nice isn’t it??
I’ve paid off 3 more debts. Thought it would never happen.
Wow, you ladies are truly inspiring. I feel like I’ve been spinning my wheels trying to figure out whether I want to move forward or divorce my h and have been able to do little else. BUT, as Im writing, im realizing i have made some changes – I have started running more and my brother and I are running a half marathon in October. I’ve also made it a point to spend quality time with my close friends. I had a great vacation w my kids, parents, brother, best friend and her family this summer. Anyway, thank you for making me realize that I have accomplished some things.
And I guess the biggest is that I’ve decided to get a divorce.Anne – so glad this thread helped you see some positives & accomplishments you have made. A half marathon? That is ah-mazing! Like I said, some days just getting the kids out the door with lunches packed & homework finished is my accomplishment! And don’t discount the amount of emotional effort making the decision to divorce takes. That is huge! So proud of you! That’s where I’m at, too, so we’ll continue this next phase of our journey together and we know we aren’t alone!
Christine
Christine – it really helps to feel like I’m not alone in this. He has been laying it on thick since I filed for divorce – all the words I’ve been waiting for since this nightmare began. I don’t think he ever thought I’d leave him. It’s hard though, to feel like I’m walking away when he “has so much to show me and tell me.” I have to remember its a ploy to get cake (a la CL – love her!).
I love this Christine! I need to do more of this. Here’s my list:
1- Made H leave after DDay #2. I begged him to stay after DDay #1 but in my defense I didn’t know it was a DDay. Thought it was “just” an affair.
2-Got my youngest off to her first year of college two weeks after DDay and managed to not cry hysterical tears until I was alone in the car on the way home.
3-Started an internship at a law library three weeks after DDay. Successfully avoided being massively triggered by all the co-eds in skimpy clothes (didn’t punch any arrogant twits either). Managed to not burst into tears at the reference desk although it was a close call a couple of times.
4- Completed my Master’s degree with a perfect 4.0.
5-Made it through the very sudden and traumatic death of one of my year old puppies.
6-Adopted a 5 year old, 100+ pounds, probably abused chocolate lab who spent the first 8 months being scared of me but now after a lot of patience, loves me.
7-Dog-napped a emaciated, tick covered (more than 100), heartworm positive, dog who ended up being pregnant. Got her through labor, heartworm treatment and surgery to removed her infected uterus. Now raising (and loving) her six puppies.
8-Got myself on an anti-depressant, probably 10 years past due.There are a lot of things I could have done, could have done better or should not have done at all but that’s for another list.
Anne, I’m very impressed by the half marathon. When someone offers a one-sixteenth marathon in my area, I might give it a try. 🙂
Daisy and all the rest of you ladies ROCK! Lisa–you have to play too. Tell everyone about Amsterdam and all the cool stuff you have done in the past year.
Yes ForNow–money isnt everything, but it sure is nice! 😉
Anne, half marathon is awesome. I did one ten years ago and it was brutal, but a great accomplishment!1. i stayed and healed and understood
2. when i was ready, i told H i wanted a divorce
3. i didn’t back down – i got a fair settlement from a man who isn’t fair, through shear patience and resolve.
4. instead of playing it safe and buying an apartment, i took a chance borrowed more and bought a house – for a better life for me and my son
5. i’m renovating that house so that it will be safe, and i can have rental income pay the mortgage. i’m taking a chance there, but am hoping it will pay off
6. i kept my home safe throughout this for my son. safe from a man who can get abusive. i figured out how to play him so he would play nice
7. i kept my career going, and performed sometimes better than ever, sometimes almost as good as usual without all this stress.
8. i wrote music about this shit. and it’s not half bad.
9.i toured europe with H in the band, and managed to sheild my pain from my son while H was still acting compulsively. i was the leader of the band, organized everything and took charge of three other men, one of whom is an SA
10. i started self development projects, and am trying to reinvent myself so i can be completely financially independent
11. i played a solo tour in brazil. i went there by myself, net new people, took the subway and saw the sights in rio and sao paulo by myself.
12. i didn’t kill him
13. i didn’t kill him
14. i didn’t kill him
15. i didn’t kill him…..🙂 Im just so amazed at what incredible women are on this site. Lisa–so brave and wonderful things to be proud of, especially 12-15!
Lisa: “not half bad?” I bet it’s a whole lot more than that. You don’t do things “not half bad.” We are an impressive bunch, aren’t we? And we should all have Lisa’s 12-15 on our list. It’s a flippin’ miracle that none of us are sitting in jail awaiting murder charges. Or conspiracy to commit murder charges. If they only knew the murderous level of anger here, their little dicks would shrivel with fear. 🙂
I love this! Okay, let’s see what I have done..
Went to New York for the first time ever with my best friend and had a blast.
Did a 30 Day Bikram yoga challenge and did 31 classes in 28 days.
Got a job working from home so I can continue to be here for my kids. Not the best money but it’s a start.
Went on a coffee date with a really sexy man. Judge if you may..
Made the decision to divorce, saw a lawyer, then told H
Got my kids ready for school and managed to continue to feed them love them and nourish them while going through all of this.
Wow Sierra! First of all, no one is judging, jealous maybe, but not judging. 🙂 Second of all, 31 yoga classes in 28 days? Math is not my specialty but damn…I hope the days you had more than one class were early in the challenge! All of you physically fit Sisters are putting me to shame. I may have to eat some ice cream to console myself. 😉
I’m laughing that I put had coffee date with really sexy man then followed up with asked H for a divorce. Ha ha
Yes Bonnie…this afternoon I have a lunch date with really sexy man 🙂
Thank you Daisy, I appreciate the support 🙂 The days I had double classes were mixed through the month. I felt like a truck had run me over but my mind and spirit were healthy so it was healthy torture 😉
Loving it! You sisters rock!
I have a safe home that he is not in
I have two jobs and have just started an internship to consider life in ministry – as goddess Diane leaves I’m investigating my calling – if they’ll have a twice divorced mother of two with a highly dubious past – although they do say they believe in redemption and salvation – I guess we’ll have to wait and see
I’ve been getting fit and have lost 5% body fat, over 10cms off my hips and bought a very sassy dress yesterday. Have been seriously getting stronger & fitter emotionally as well as physically
I’m just trying to be me.
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