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So….wow. After sex with one man my whole life I have to say I’ve been missing out. I have been telling myself and really believing, that I just liked non-committed stuff at this point because I can’t have the drama and the kids are just not ready and I’d like to keep my newfound independence. I’ve fooled around with a good friend who I’m find of, he’s fond of me, but we both just like to hang out. Not always physical, we actually do enjoy the mutual company. He’s discreet and I’m totally not jealous when he’s flirting with someone else. At least he’s up front and tells people he’s not committing. And he doesn’t call hookers.
Then there’s Mark. Sigh. He’s hit me like a ton of bricks. We started chatting when I recommended When Things Fall apart by Pema Chodron (you should all read it). From there our convos have been intriguing, hilarious, intelligent, honest, thought provoking….he is a fascinating person. One thing lead to another and we got physical one night. And it was amazing. What I was missing! A man who pays attention to me over his own pleasure?? Wowzers. But here’s the thing. I really like him. He’s independent, he’s passionate, he has hobbies that he masters, he’s kind, he’s so smart, hes empathetic, listens to me when ive had a bad day, shares with me when hes having one, he thinks I’m so smart, he says he’s too old to have his own kids and missed that chance (his wife left him a post it note saying she was leaving him for a coworker) but that he’s not intimidated by my kids and would value being in their life if appropriate. He has a job and a small business and values my input as a professional, not intimidated by my career.
So obviously, I have pretty intense feelings for this guy. Which took me by surprise after my declaration that I didn’t want anything. He says he knows I have to handle my life first before anything, and that if he’s worth knowing, he’ll be around. Doesn’t expect a commitment from me, but doesn’t hesitate to tell me how awesome I make him feel and how he wants to explore that when we can. He also says nothing good comes easy, and slow and smart will yield more sustainable results.
So, am I stupid? Everyone already thinks I’m initiating divorce because frank plays the repentant card. If I jump into another relationship the gossips will have a hay day. Do I fucking care though? Can’t plan for this to happen…but here it is. What am I supposed to do?
Do whatever you want to do. Fuck the gossips.
I would caution you to realize that this guy could be playing you and you could be overly enamored because he’s good in bed ( I don’t blame you ). But if it doesn’t affect your divorce or your kids then go for it…… Have some fun, God knows you deserve it 🙂
you are not stupid..! take it slow. keep looking after yourself. have fun. trust your gut. keep your self worth for yourself. don’t define yourself by any man. but enjoy yourself! you deserve it! and know no matter what you are strong like steel now.
Who cares what people say!!! I started dating a man about 6 months after separation from my exSAH and my ex LOVED playing the “poor me” card because he too was repentant and sad and wanted to “keep the family in tact” One of the hardest things I’ve had to practice is putting myself first and forgetting what everyone has to say.
His family and even some of my family felt sorry for him and thought maybe I should give him a chance but they were not going to have to live a life of missing out and paranoia like I would’ve had to face.
Take this new relationship slow – enjoy it and have FUN! Please please please remember tho, to trust your gut. Don’t shove any feelings of “this isn’t right” aside – this go around trust yourself!!
What March said and what Liza said. i’m older than Liza, my time is shorter, so I get first dibs on a brother. Caring what other people think? Fuck that. Go for it.
Fuck the gossips! Have fun, but I’d be cautious about getting too committed this soon after the mental mind-fuck that sa has brought upon you. Protect yourself, but HAVE FUN 🙂
So happy for you!
Ha, Daisy! For the record, aren’t we the same age – 56? 😉 Ok, ok, take him, he’s yours. But I get my pick of their hot friends!
Well dear Liza, I will be turning 52 in a few short weeks while you, thanks to your recover Liza project, are aging backwards to a lovely, dewy skinned, haute wearing 25. And I STILL love you! 😀
Holy crap, Sara, maybe I’m off my rocker, but I say go for it, girl! Damn, he sounds awesome. Although yeah, caution is important too, like the other sisters said. But I think caution gets built into us anyway after the whole SA experience, so trust your gut, and tread carefully. But enjoy the treading. 🙂 xoxo
Thanks guys! I am definitely proceeding very slowly. It’s amazing how much more I’m listening to my gut and noticing other things that wouldn’t have occurred to me. So far, the things I’m learning about this guy are in the good gut feeling column. He’s only had committed relationships and has had his heart broken in the last 2. We live in a small town where everyone knows of scandal, and there’s not a whiff of it about this guy. Eyes open, taking care of self first, and walking very slow. But certainly enjoying his sweet and sexy ways 🙂
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