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Mine was the seminary student whose becoming a priest was supposed to “save” the entire family. Pity that family, right?
Same here I thought it was weird that he was so normal compared to them.
Courtney my mil still comments on every bite anyone eats. And says shit like “you’ll need to go for a walk after all that you ate.” She is the queen of eating disorders and you could not eat potato chips in front of her.Heidi, I’d get a big ol’ plate of nachos and chomp down in front of her. When she asked what you’re eating, just tell her NACHO (not yo) business bitch! 😉
FN, LOL. I kind of wish my H had brothers and/or sisters to provide some clues. Only child, adopted, father died young…not much to go on there other than his evil bitch of a mother and we were both on the same page as far as she went. When I was pregnant with my first child and finally got through violent morning sickness stage so I could eat again, we went to MIL’s for a visit. I was starving so my H asked her for something to eat. She pulls a turkey sandwich and potato chips out of the freezer (yes, she keeps EVERYTHING in the freezer, even potato chips for some reason). We have to wait for it to thaw on the counter because she won’t have a microwave because she read in National Enquirer that they cause cancer and she’s terrified of dying. After that, every visit we brought our own food.
I always said my h was the mutant in his dysfunctional family. Emotionally unavailable father, depressed suicidal mother – killed herself when h was 15, crazy nut job older sister, alcoholic older brother, suicidal younger sister – killed herself in her early 30’s. He seemed so normal. Ivy League college, Masters degree, kind, gentle, ambitious, and he is as fucked up as the rest of them. It was my naïveté at age 21, that thought he got through unscathed. Now I see that there was no way on earth anyone could have gotten through that shit without being seriously damaged. Hence my need to see what happens with serious help for him and effort on his part. Still may not be enough to stay, but I needed to try before I left for good. Minwalla helped me to see this with clarity.
I said that too Teri and then realized that meant no one decent would mary my own children if they knew the background. Scared me to death….
I have to believe that these guys did come from a dysfunctional ( big time) family and turned to sex for whatever reason. I do not believe that every child from a screwed up family must end up being a pervert.
I heard a quote this weekend that I think speaks to this.
“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.”
Ernest Hemingway
We are the “some” that are strong at the broken places. Our husbands do not have that strength. Lets pray our children take after their mothers!
That’s right, Trish! Some of us come out of adversity stronger.
Bev, I am from a screwed up family, and I am not a pervert, so I understand where you are coming from. I just am not taking any chances next time around.
If there even is a next time around…
Teri – sadly, coming from a “good” family is no guarantee either. My H’s parents were high-school sweethearts, married for 51 years before my MIL passed away 2 years ago. I love my in-laws as if they were my own parents – they are so incredibly kind and generous. My MIL had a rare disease and juvenile diabetes and for 15 years, my FIL took care of her like it was his job. I’m now questioning the dynamics of that family but I honestly have not come up with anything that I saw that would indicate that things were screwed up other than FIL had a pretty successful career and she was a SAHM who, before she got sick, did everything but that was pretty typical for that generation.
His brother is a very successful lawyer and a bit of a NARC but I think that stems from being a high achiever who everything came to easily in life.
H was molested by a neighborhood boy when he was about 7 or 8 and that is the only thing that suggets where this might have started.
My saving grace now, I hope, is that he had such a stable upbringing that now that he is somewhat of a recovery, he is very focused on ensuring that we provide a stable environment for the kids. And, I have his father to use as leverage if he wants to try to screw me financially. But, right now, he still thinks there is hope for us and I’m worried at how he might react when that might not be the case. We’ll see.
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