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Hi sisters!
I’m in the middle of a high conflict divorce with a lying douchebag sociopath (sorry…just calling a spade a spade). I am not thrilled with my attorney. He hasn’t been much of an advocate, seems to tell me more of why things “can’t be done” than giving me options that can work, does not return phone calls (until I have to schedule a phone conference when needed), and rarely responds to emails. I am trying to make sure my expectations are realistic, and am even strongly considering a second opinion, even though we are midstream. So this leads me to the question, especially for those who have been there. What makes a good divorce attorney? Conversely, what makes a bad one? What are some deal breaker qualities for you if your gut wasn’t feeling comfortable?
Can’t wait for some fabulous input! xoxoI have no clue but I do know that the first mother fucker that I hired and did not make me feel good would be out on his ass.
I know Teri has a whopper going. I think it was Cindy that got so screwed in the “proceeding” that she was dazed (to say the least). Heidi might have some better answers.
Trust your gut. Listen to YOU. If you are not satisfied then go make some big waves or start shopping around.
Thank you. Sometimes I wonder if I have one douche protecting me from another douche. No wonder Cindy was left dazed.
I am so glad you raised this zumbagirl. I am feeling dazed myself at the moment and I decided to just take a step back while I feel this way. the lawyer I initially approached also told me more about what could not be done. I had to say do this and that. Then he could not represent me on one ocassion and sent someone who apparently turned out to know my SA lawyer. I came home in tears, as this was a domestic violence variation order I needed. His lawyer told the magistrate that he and my lawyer had conferred and wanted the matter to go to trial. she gave a trial date. Only this week I heard from a womens refuge counsellor that the reason they asked for that is that the matter would then not be heard in a domestic violence court and the magistrate in such a court would not rule that my husband not be allowed in the house if he is paying the mortgage. I appointed another lawyer who came highly recommended. She would not see me without the consultation fee.. At least I could pay the other one off in instalments. When i had the money to see her, she was not at the office and I saw another lawyer. she sounded sharp. when i needed her to represent me at the maintenance hearing she could not make it. she wanted to send someone else and because of my previous experience I said no. I went to the clerk of the court and said she could not be there so I asked for a postponement. Was I shocked when I heard that that date was only given for the two attorneys to place their names on record. I said What? All the money for them just to do that? Im glad I cancelled that. so here I am, no maintenance order. Not feeling too good about lawyers. Someone told me this week make sure you have a lawyer who specialises in Family Law. That sounds like a good suggestion.
ZG, the very first thing you need is good communication between you and your lawyer. Without that, you are sunk. If he is not responding to emails, phone calls and other communications, I would say fire his sorry ass. There is NO excuse for that. I can say that with impunity as a former divorce lawyer. Lawyers have an ethical obligation to communicate with and be an advocate for their client. If they fail to do that, they have to go. My suggestion would be to ask your friends and your therapist for recommendations. If all else fails, call your local bar association or get on their website and see if they list attorneys by specialty. If you call, ask for a list of attorneys who specialize in high conflict divorce.
Thank you, Daisy!
And Gail, I hope some good answers come your way. How disheartening. 🙁 Big hugs to you.Wish I could help, zgirl, but I am in the same boat. My first attorney get the retainer and another $10k. Several attorneys told me not to bother asking for it or she will send me a bill. talk about douchebag.
So what I have learned is to ask up front if the retainer is refundable if they don’t do their job.
I have good friends who are attorneys, so I hate to generalize, but there is a good reason people do not like attorney- there are a lot of them that seem to think everyone is the enemy? Your only leverage is to walk away, but that means losing money, time, energy, and they can make it very difficult (my first attorney “misplaced” a big chunk of my discovery when I switched attorneys- never to be found again, some of it irreplacable bc they told me to ahead and send originals, that they would make copies and give them back to me). And there’s no guarantee that you will be any better off.
Julie if I were you I would call a women’s shelter and get a recommendation for a good divorce lawyer who is experienced with divorcing abusive men? They must deal with all kinds of women trying to divorce psychopaths? Even if they recommend someone who does pro bono work for the shelter that would be a good sign of where the lawyer’s sympathies are? that is the only thing I can think of. You need someone who is used to the tactics abusers use when women try to get out of the marriage?
Zumba girl, I am in the same boat right now, I had spent close to 20k and I am still at square one, she is starting to ignore my emails and phone calls
I went to interview some other lawyers this week, and I am all more confused as they may promise you something but they don’t follow through, so I don’t know if I should stick it out or just move to another lawyer
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