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Wow lisa, that is awesome! Finally some validation for you. Hopefully doc M can help him. You surely seem strong enough that you will be fine no matter what happens. It is now in Doc M’s and Gods hands.
Lisa – Dr. M. changed my life – he definitely got under my h’s hood by the way but I have to say mine wasn’t practicing:) but he was full of shit and Omar got him cleaned out in no time:))) Love to you and we are all with you on your journey xo
Partner intensive is a gift to self, expensive but I would have sold my ring to do it – what ring you ask???
Thank you all for support, advice and help and validation, it means more to me than you know. You all are lifesavers to me. I don’t know what is going to happen with H Dr M was preparing me for the worst I think, said it would be an uphill battle for h he has long-standing entrenched beliefs and pd .wanted me to know he has seen miracles but it will depend on H..so don’t hold my breath for it.
I have a long row to hoe to deal with severe ptsd. I want to cry at the realities today. I will win for myself, I always have, seems daunting but doable . I love you ladies and thank God for you,I really like Meg’s advice, Lisa. “Let go of your H to Dr M.” You are not equipped to deal with that kind of crazy Dear Heart. Let a professional handle him and you start thinking about how you will heal yourself. Glad the call went well. Hugs Karen
Karen yes I am processing what Dr M said today …H is too much for Me…. Dr M said I was attached to the abuser could not seem to leave stage, that really is bothering me . I have packed car twice to leave and could not. Luggage still packed in my bedroom……I am looking forward to him being gone for the 10 days. Hoping for my 1st real experience to get space and clarity and get some traction for my progress.
Lisa the bag is a start – where are you going? It is important to have a place that is somewhere you want to be – that sounds impossible when you are the one moving from the ‘family home’ however it is possible – if you choose something temporary check in with someone who knows you well to help you tease out the pain from the practical (or check in here) – if you go somewhere you hate more than how much you hate this the temptation to go back will be immediate. Know that you will be tempted to go back a lot – that is natural – and, if you can’t leave right now you don’t have to – make saw space in your home and get help with what that can look like (we will help you) and/or your therapist – hopefully trauma trained and savvy about Dr. M.
The last thing you need to be doing is beating yourself up because you can’t seem to get out – he will be gone for 10 days as you said – that is such a reprieve xoI agree 100% with Meg. Stop berating yourself and start looking at what you HAVE done. You have posted here. You have reached out to other sisters. You have called Doc M. You have packed a bag. …etc. You have done a lot.
Of course we are afraid to leave. There is no shame in that. What’s important is that you are slowly putting a plan in place that takes care of you.
How do you eat an elephant sweetie? Most people think it is one bite at a time but I say “who the fuck wants to eat an elephant?”
Make other dinner arrangements 🙂
We have little vacation house in SC. 18 hour drive. I don’t know what or how today. I think I just want to stay here during the intensive and see what Dr M says, it may help with decision to go if he has a bad prognosis. I am going to talk again with Dr M tomorrow , an hour long appt. Feel like deep swamp stuff going on here and 1 thing I can do for Me per day is progress…..him being gone is what I am looking forward to. In addition to it all I talked with my middle daughter today about her graduation walk in May for her RN. B.S. now in N.P school. She has worked as RN for last 3 yrs with A.D. her Dad d has shattered her heart as well with this….He has ruined the family celebration for her graduation……. hate him right now!
Thats the part I can never get past….. They hurt their children. I don’t understand anyone that can hurt their children. I just don’t and never will.
Lisa, you don’t have to go right now. Use the time while he is gone to decompress. Let Mimwalla deal with him. You have a 10 day reprieve.
Thanks Bev, yes you are right I can look at it that way, that helps a lot. Like we talked about, I hate being so weak, but my reality is just that right now, so any progress I can own is moving forward. Thanks love 🙂
Seems so Terri…H told her he did not know if he could come to her graduation because we weren’t getting along ….asshole. He was manipulating her as usual to put the blame on me. He did it when they were here Christmas too. Like my anger at him is why no one can have a good time, as he is making Damn sure to do and say things to keep me pissed the whole time…… then saying in front of everyone, can’t you just let it go for one day? Was the elephant big and pink in the living room Bev?
I don’t know if the elephant was big and pink but I do know it stunk to high Heaven and I have no interest in eating it 🙂
When something is disgusting and smells I usually throw it away…
BTW, the answer to “Can’t you just let it go for one day?” is, “Of course I can. I’ve been letting it go for 25 years. I would think that you would know that better than anyone”
Just breathe Lisa. You’re going to be okay. I promise you that it gets better and you have done all the right things.
If it helps you any… I started an email folder for my H. I write in it all the time. I say everything and anything that crosses my mind. I never send it but it helps to write it and read it later. I have never been tempted to send it. It even says silly stuff like “last Friday you were a jerk and you didn’t take the garbage out”. I made that one up but you get the point. It stops me from having pointless, disappointing, crazy making arguments with him.
We make the tragic mistake of trying to talk to them over and over. We just do not comprehend that talking to a crazy person will make you crazy 🙂
Lisa, would it help to go cabin “shopping” for a week or so? Go stay at a B&B or better yet – rent a cabin from VRBO in your dream location. Start visualizing the life YOU want, with or without the mfpos.
Thanks Bev, that encourages me. I really am doing the best I can with the plate of shit he served ….
Liza yes I can start to visualize . One thing I feel I need is to be with friends too I have been isolated for 2 years. I liked Lynn’s topic so maybe short trip for a 1or 2 day friend visit would be something good for me? To start?Liza my cabin needs to be on my parents property as I have made a commitment to help care for them in latter years.
Yes, Lisa, that would be perfect! That’s exactly how I began the process – weekend trips to the OBX to just drive around looking at lots for sale. Fast forward a year and I’ve got my dream lot at the beach and am working on house plans. I go to sleep and wake up thinking about it.
I can do that Liza 🙂 I am on to a little house a friend has that she just needs moved off her property 4 miles from parents house. It’s a good deal. But of course I would have to do the remodel work to make it my style,which I love to do. Love to plan design and decorate. I am going to go look at it to see if it is doable for what I want. If not I can look for plans which I also love 🙂
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