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Looking back on all of this SA crap I’m wondering what y’all have done at times as far as ballsy, gutsy moves.
Aside from eblaster, a gps tracking device on h’s car and kicking him out three times since Jan 2011 my other bold, gutsy move was leaving him at dinner two years ago. H had anger, blaming, deflecting and minimizing issues before all this sa REALLY came to light yet I fully did not see it tied to sa back then. Anyhow, we were at dinner with no kids Feb 5, 2010. The topic turned to our relationship and as usual at that time it ended with me being lectured about what I’ve been doing wrong or not doing at all v. him being the better partner, parent, worker, etc.
Getting fed up I vaulted a couple of stingers his direction to which he replied as he waved his hand at me “Just stop talking. I don’t even want to hear you. Don’t say another word.”. I was numb, he’d NEVER said that to me before. My mind raced as the check was was coming and I was PISSED!!! I quietly leaned forward and said ” I don’t know at what point you decided it’s ok to talk to me like this but it’s not and I’m done.” I didn’t make a scene bc that’s not cool, a low growl was plenty.
I got up, left the restaurant, walked across the dark parking lot to a nearby store and called my across the street neighbor to come get me. She did and h thought I went out to the car. He left his phone at home accidentally so when he realized I actually took off he couldn’t even call me until he got home. I was safely at my neighbor’s house for the night and he was LIVID I wouldn’t answer his texts except I’m fine, good night. He was up all night wondering where I was staying. He bought a pay per view that night that I saw on the bill two weeks later (a whole other blow up). He bought it bc he was mad at me he said later. Whatever!!!
I still can’t believe I left his ass at the restaurant. He needed it tho. Now he knows it will happen again if he gets tacky with me.
What have been yours? Wishing I’d thrown a drink in his face before I walked out.
I did have one crazy friend catch her h cheating via a p.i.
She came home, put all of his clothes in a huge box, poured the cats litter box into it as well as the left over pot of spaghetti with sauce and stirred til she was tired. Then she delivered it to his work. Classic!!I packed my shit and left 2 years ago. I checked into a hotel and stayed the weekend. My kids were at my parent`s and I had had enough. I came home Monday morning, packed the rest of my stuff and left for my parent`s house. I spent the whole summer there. My brother and I did tons of stuff with the kids and had a ball. I even took a vacation to Puerto Rico with Kids, Brother and SIL, and Niece. We flew first class and stayed at the most beautiful resort ( in the Presidential suite). We hiked thru the rainforest. We went scuba diving. We went to 5 star restaurants… It was so fun.
Then I returned home after much begging and promising. BIG MISTAKE
Man, I wish my parents lived closer than 9 hrs away. I’d so have done something like that had they lived closer-not the trip part tho. We just po’ folk. 🙂
Made an escape plan in 10 days and executed it. Moved out secretly in a weekend and relocated to another state.
Oh wait, that isnt the craziest thing I ever did–it was the SMARTEST thing I ever did!Bev I made a happy face at the end of that post and your face came up. Wth??? Not that I don’t love seeing it tho. Are you our new emoticon???? Lol!
Hahaha! I`m not rich either. My brother however has money to burn and my sweet sister in law loves me so I took full advantage!! The happy face is there but I will contact the computer gurus and have them add my face to emoticons 🙂
Bonnie,
You are my inspiration.You know? As I look back and think on that time, I have realized a few things ( bear with me, I told ya`ll I was in self-reflecting mode).
My sister in law was the one insistant on the big trip. I hesitated because I had never taken both kids on vacation without H. I almost did not do it. My H called and told me to do whatever I wanted and have fun and he loved me….
We spent a total of about 20K on that trip (6 people). My brother and sil would only accept 3k from me. I really did try to pay more. I did pick up some dinner tabs and I paid for a spa day for me and sil… I also won 4K playing blackjack with brother in the casino. He went back the next night with sil while I had kids and they lost every nickel!
Point is: When I came back home the only question my DAH asked me was why I wrote a check for a thousand dollars to my parents. I wrote it because the trip was last minute and I did not have time for bank trip and my dad gave me cash. I never travel without cash and I had all of it intact. It was my emergency money.
Is that not such an odd thing for him to question? Remember, he has known my parents for 20 plus years. They have loved him and done tons for us and kids. They do not need money and he knows it.
Should have been a huge red flag…
Please remind me to tell you the story of the fight that made me leave. It is priceless and horrible.Amen Bonnie!!! I love the whole secret covert move while he was gone. Agreed that was SMART and not crazy!! How’s it going? What’s h said thus far?? H called at all? He mad? Is he wanting you to come back?? Dying to hear what his reaction was!!!
And yes Bev odd question from h about a check. You paid what you could which is honorable but so glad you had a great time.
My boldest move was divorcing him and taking half his retirement and all the savings. IF I marry him again, my next boldest move will be the harshest prenup ever. Like betting against myself, but if I lose I still win big.
Well – this wasn’t crazy but bold for me at the time since I had just been diagnosed with breast cancer (last March). My SAH had just asked me for a divorce a few weeks before the cancer diagnosis and was screwing yoganana (I didn’t know for sure as he claimed they were “just friends”….but my therapist was fairly sure). He was staying some nights with his 92 year old male church friend to “find himself” (yeah right – it was his cover when he wanted some granny booty – yuck). Anyway – it was pouring with rain and I had a few glasses of wine with a friend. We drove past the church friend’s house at 11pm and his car wasn’t there (“For Now’s” GPS would have come in handy because it would have been more effective to have done what I did at the “love nest”….anyway…). I called my au pair at home and she and her friend packed up his closet in big hefty black bags. (luckily I didn’t have to do it). Then we drove them over to his church friend’s house and dumped them on the porch with a note that read – “I know you can’t be here for me during my breast cancer and I don’t need you. My friends are going to take care of me”. (I should have signed it F-off). I never felt better in my life!!!!!
He came storming home the next morning at 6am and said that I couldn’t keep him away from his kids and out of the house…..(I should have moved out or changed the locks). I had my surgery two weeks later and he dumped yoganana around the same time.
That was the worst time of my life….. but I did have one night of solace, sanity and relief in the pouring rain.
If I ever need material to dump his ass, then all I need to do is think about he was calling yoganana in the hallway while I was getting a breast cancer MRI. These guys are soooo nuts and self-centered when they are in their addiction. I definitely need to do a Pia Mellody “chair exercise” with this one…..what a nightmare.
Deb
Nope Deb, you do not need to do a Pia Melody anything. You need to become a card carrying member of the NRA. Firearm accidents happen all the time 🙂
After I found out my h had a prostitute on a business trip and he was suppose to be ‘in recovery’ I sprayed wrinkle releaser in the crotch of about 5 prs of his underwear hoping he’d get a really bad rash. Nothing ever happened. Darn!
I took a mailed birthday card to me from his emotionally incestuous mother (she was horrible to me–the birthday card was a farce) and and put it in our kitty litter box. He found it when he changed the litter. All he said was “oh, the card in the litter—it worked as you hoped”.
The night I found the porn I screamed and yelled and went upstairs and locked the bedroom door. He came upstairs later in his usual ADD oblivious mode, and grabbed the door handle but never slowed down, so he slammed right into the locked door like on a situation comedy. I was inside and it enjoyed that moment. It was worth it. So was the kitty litter thing.
Yes firearm accidents happen. They can be very painful and very ugly for the ones who end up with a hole in them.
Spraying mace inside their undies or boxers even after it dries can still do some damage to their wankers. Don’t ask me how I know this
Oh – I thought of a similar one to “For Now”. In Feb. of this year (the anniversary of my “D” day when divorce attorney card was thrown in my face), I was obviously feeling pretty low. He had just agreed to do a disclosure so that at least gave me hope. We went to dinner and he told me “oh, btw, I’ve decided I’m not going to do a disclosure – I’m not ready”. I just about choked on my food and went to the bathroom and cried. I came out and told him what day it was (1st yr. anniversary of D day)…so he suggested that we go to the Tiburon Bay and thrown a “big rock” into the ocean which would represent his past behavior. I went down there and then told him that wasn’t going to do it…and we had a big fight so I had him stop the car on the way home and walked home (about 2 miles). I saw him circling the car looking for me but I kept darting behind bushes so he couldn’t see me.
When I got home, I got down on my knees and asked God for guidance on what in the heck I should do. 5 minutes later we got the phone call that his sister’s baby was in the ICU in a coma (from shaken baby syndrome – likely at the hands of her, also a covert incest victim from their mom). To me it was God’s sign that I should take his sickness seriously and not just throw the rock in the water or something even more serious could happen.
Deb
Oh my gosh Deb was a sad story about the baby. The rock stuff, where do these guys come up with this crap?? I’d have thrown it at his head. Mine would LOVE for me to say ok bygones are bygones. Fresh start, do over. Begin now but after dinner last night those words will never fall from my lips.
Yeah “For Now” – do they really think we are THAT stupid? (I guess they do since they got away with it for years…..)
Right now baby Evan is still on a respirator since Feb. 17 (weird how two really horrible things happened that same day a year apart). He is now in a rehab facility but hasn’t woken up and likely never will. My S-I-L is in complete denial about it and thinks he is going to “wake up” despite their being no brain activity. Very sad.
Deb
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