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When I look in the mirror, who do I see? I see a 52 year old, smart, attractive woman, who has a good number of years ahead of her. I see a woman who deserves to be happy, respected, loved, and live with peace. I see a woman who has survived many tragic events, cares for other people, and loves her family and friends. I see a woman who accepts the reality my marriage has ended and is doing my best to pick up the pieces and move forward. I see a woman who is struggling to cope and is doing her best to get the support she needs. Most of all, I like the person I see in the mirror.
Who do you see in the mirror?
I see sadness when I look in the mirror, no doubt,
But I like who I am underneath those sad eyes.I know who that is in that mirror, and that is someone that I want on my team.
I am a strong woman,
I am a person that likes to laugh, with others, and at myself,
I have 50 years of making great choices and some not so great,
In other words, pretty normal.
In those 50 years I have learned to appreciate those teachable moments that gave me the ability to exercise empathy for others.
As it turns out, I waited till age 50 to learn the biggest lesson of all.
I learned that I needed to have empathy for myself as well.
All the loyalty, support, love, honor, and patience that I worked so hard at giving others,
I have learned that I also need to give that gift to myself.
My heart is full of love and proud of the ability to show it,
Although I am still struggling to determine what my future will be with my marriage, and that brings disconnect in my over all balance and well being for the moment,
a good friend of mine gave me a new way of looking at my options.
She told me not to forget about the gains that come from change.Cindy, you’re a beautiful person and what a beautiful description of who you see in the mirror. Made me cry. 🙂 Love you and believe in you, Nap
PS. Thanks for sharing this with us. So special.
nap you should go into some sort of counselling, your questions run deep.
when i look in a mirror, something i try to avoid to be honest.
i have no idea who i see, or what i see. i have never be one to ever really think about myself. i see a person who i dont know, i know its me yet i would have to say a stranger in many ways. its funny i use to wonder what other people see when they look at me.
damn nap your questions seem to get to the core of who we are. i go in circles when i think like this my first thoughts sound good until i write them down and read them. i will have to post more latter.
cindy you are a amazing woman, have you always been so strong and sure of yourselfWhen I look in the mirror:
I see a smart, confident woman in charge of her own life.
I see a 52 year old woman with a lot of plans and a lot of years left to do them in.
I see a woman who is done trying to make sense out of things that don’t make sense.
I see a woman who now understands that not everything can be fixed with more hard work on her part. And she understands that not everything should be fixed.
I see a woman who has gone from not even being able to say the D-word to believing it is a necessary evil to knowing that the ability and possibility and reality of divorce are essential for personal growth and freedom.
I see a woman who has gone from not wanting to “bother” my friends and family with the problems in her life and now knows that it is an honor to share the totality of her life with them and for them to share theirs with her.
I see a woman who has never needed a man in her life and doesn’t now.
I see a woman who wants to share her life with a man, as long as she is getting what she needs in the relationship, she no longer believes in the “til death do us part” philosophy.
I see a woman who found herself again afters years and years of being lost, she knows what she wants…… and it feels pretty good.
MarieKatt and Marie,
Thank you for sharing what you see in the mirror. I would say when I see you both in the mirror you are great friends and I appreciate your friendships so much….Love, NapI think its helpful to know who we are and what we see about ourselves. Does anyone else want to share what you see in the mirror?
Okay fine.
I have showered recently 🙂 because its mid-week. And the mirror is almost clean…Last year at this time in the mirror i saw a very tired, absolutely confused women, who was tired of being sick and tired. I was ever so hopeful that this was not the beginning of the end of our marriage, and I beleived him, i sooooo did. I struggled everyday with my unhappiness with my marriage, and that someday he would pull it together and be the man I had hoped he would be. I looked tired, I was about 10 to 15 pounds heavier, and had about given up on everything. i was going through the daily motions of work, kids, dinner, the best I could, with breif moments of happiness. I was worked to exhaustion and I was frieghtened of what this all meant, and denied that deep down fear that when I initially found out about this all…that my gut and heart felt … this marriage was over. At that time it was devastating.
Now a year later. What I see in the mirror is someone who has more grey hair than last year; but she is not tired, she enjoys her life and is eager to what the future holds, and is eager to travel in this new life that I have created and am building for myself and kids. I have spruced up my looks, my hair, and have started wearing more of the nice clothes that I do have. I have cleared out the closets and got rid of the clothes I don’t like. I have a sparkle in my eye now, that i did not have last year. I am able to realize and be grateful for all that I have accomplished with work and career, but also now realize what more I can accomplish, even if on my own. I am smart, capable, caring, generous, loving and hopeful; and am working on creating a well rounded life so that I can feel whole and receive all life has to offer. It is all a work in progress, but realize at this time I have the power to create and make however I want my life to be, it is a clean slate. I try to hit the four key categories for enrichment in life which are: emotional, physical, spiritual and mental (so far that works well).
I am also a person who hogs too many library books, but I have learned so much over the past year. I think truely there must be discussion with the librarians about all of the random books I read or paruse. And right now they are making me return some, darn it.
Last year i read in many books that this could be a gift. At that time i felt that was crap, i am losing everything, how could this be a gift?? But what i was losing while at face value seemed like alot, but i in fact had lost myself, and now myself is coming back. I am slowly coming to the realization that in fact it is/was a gift. Not quite there yet, still a little ticked about it, but realizing there is much more to life. Without this, i would have continued on that same path, and have instead turned this event into change. We are all extremely powerful women, and we are all capable of whatever we set our minds to. That is a very empowering view of life. And i have realized I want to live my life and live everyday of it fully. We will see how I do. 😉
I always love what you write, Flora. The last part is especially meaningful, to me. When I found Predator’s partner’s blog, last year, she had asked– “Where the hell is God and how could he do this to ME?” It was to her, just further proof that He did not exist.
However, sitting here, all I could see was God showing her a new path that she refused to even acknowledge. Of course, she was in agonizing pain… well, y’all get it. Its painful giving birth to a baby, too– The pain is there, for a good reason. Its a sign that something needs immediate attention!
I think that for me, I have noticed with many areas of life, the most painful times, eventually brought me and/or my loved ones to a better place– in time and it was only after more time had gone by, that I could look back and go “wow!” It took the pain to galvanize my actions, bring about the necessary changes and without it, the good that followed wouldn’t have happened. So cool how that works. 🙂
Flora, Thanks so much for sharing this. I love who you see in the mirror today. You are so smart, caring, and strong. You’re reflection is so much healthier than a year ago. I hope you know how wonderful and helpful you are to everyone you care about, especially yourself! Love, Nap
Hi Flora and Lexie,
Flora, thank you for sharing your mirror. I love who you see in the mirror today. You are so smart, caring, and strong and you are using your gifts on yourself. That is so wonderful. So much healthier reflection than a year ago. I hope you know how wonderful you are to yourself, your family, and us….Love ya, your friend Nap
Lexie, will you please share your mirror with us? Would love to know what you see if you feel comfortable sharing.
Love, NapOkay, I’m in a bit of a stupor… our beloved cat is very ill and had emergency surgery and we almost lost him last night… AND my mother is coming later (and son from school)… I’m not doing very well right now…
Okay Lexie, sorry, I didnt know you had all that going on. Please forgive me for asking you at such a hard time….I hope your cat gets better…thinking of you….Love, Nap
When I look in the mirror I see a mirage of the person I used to be. I’m 39, look about the same as I did 10 years ago, aside from about 10 extra pounds from having kids and a wrinkle here or there, but my eyes don’t have the same life in them as they did before. Even when I smile, my eyes give away what I’m really feeling. I hope to someday embrace the woman I used to be and find her again, because she was a real kick-ass chic…
Heart,
I’ll bet you were a real kick-ass chick! And you still are! You just got tangled up with a ass-kicker. (I first typed ass-licker – Freudian slip)
So, you are sounding a bit better in your posts…yay!
I know the vacant eyes thing. But you can still feel yourself in there because you are still in there. I hope you are taking little steps to get your life back. Only 39.
Cheering for you,
Debora
Hi Debora,
I would love for you to share who you see in the mirror. please only if you feel comfortable.
Thank you, NapHey NAP
When I look into the mirror I see… a 52 year old former princess. There were problems, but I always felt like a cherished princess (actually the queen mum, professionally, as most of our staff is much younger) always willing to lend an ear, but crafty about never really revealing anything about myself even to friends and family. As a princess, I was entitled to complete privacy. That was then. I have been completely humbled and have become fairly comfortable stripping it all away for all to see who I really am and what my reality truly is. (except professionally – too many unintended consequences). I want absolute authenticity. My good friends now know that there was never a fairytale. God has revealed to me that I was putting all of my security in my marriage when it belonged to Him all along…obviously!!! It was never with my husband. That was a delusion. I am grateful but it is a severe mercy. That refiners fire burns.Lylo, I’m so touched by your mirror…you are authenic and a very special sister. Thank you for sharing yourself with us- you’re a gift…..Love, nap
PS. We’re the same age!
On a good day I see a beautiful seasoned desireable woman—warm, funny, intelligent, compassionate, formidable
On a bad day I see a baggy, saggy, 55 year old “might have been”, that no one will ever want, including me.
In my “recover Diane” project, I made a photo album with good pictures of me—alone, with friends, my children, family etc (but not the SA). And I just look at it every time I feel crummy about getting old etc. It’s really helped to have this other “mirror”, and I recommend it.
Hi Diane,
Thank you for sharing your mirror. I hope your good days out number your bad days. I only imagine you as you described yourself on a good day. You are such a neat person and your words to us are always so poetic, touching, and helpful…I like your idea of the photo album!PS. your cats are so pretty together, they look like a butterfly.
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