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Woke up feeling sad and scared about depositions tomorrow. Partly because of making sure I say/do the right thing, but also because of the repurcussions that could come from SA afterward. Sometimes I feel like, in getting the new attorney, all I’ve done is “poke the beast.” My payoff thus far is in seeing SA push back. And then I second guess myself. I know deep in my gut I’m doing the right thing. Just tired of being afraid…
Be afraid. And do it anyway. That’s true courage, which I know you have.
Who wouldn’t be scared of such a beast, especially in a culture that seems to protect these monsters?
You can do this, Julie. You can.
HOnestly, ZG, what happens now is happening in front of witnesses.
What I did with the questions on the other post is to keep putting his actions as the reference point for people evaluating yours. You remind them of what he did and make it clear that you will not be personally judged without him right beside you.
I think you are going to find a clarity and strength about this. I think you are going to take your time answering. I think you are going to be stunningly powerful.
love, D.
Me, too, ZG. I hear you. I think the only way to not poke them is to just give in to everything they want. So I guess that’s the decision- what is worth fighting for? Because they will fight you for every little thing. Sorry, ZG, I know it’s exhausting.
You do this because you are a normal human being with emotions and feelings. I know exactly how you feel. The second guessing about things, the being scared, it’s all natural given the circumstances.
I wish I could be there to hold your hand, lift you up, give you all the confidence you need, because I know that you would do the same for me if you could.
Think of us as being there. It helps, it really does.
Much love, Claire
I went back and read your story, zumbagirl. You are doing this because he is abusive and becoming moreso with each day and each step forward in the separation and divorce process. Anyone would be afraid of abuse, it’s okay to be afraid. But you, zumbagirl are standing strong and staring the abuse down and saying, no more. I am really proud of you, and of the modeling you are doing for your kids and for every sister on here, especially me. I’m afraid too. God bless you, zumbagirl.
Why? Well, normal people count the costs of their choices, and it sounds like that is what you are doing. That makes you smart, even if sometimes it’s a pain in the butt because you are second guessing yourself. You choose you, and your right to live unafraid. You even had the guts to do that by walking through the fire. We are behind you, some of us are in the same fire. We’ll make it!
To be honest, I think he is going to be a full blown asshole whichever way you go. If you give him everything he wants it won’t be enough. It never is with psychos.
If he so much as raises his voice at you then I would dial 911.
I know you already had at least his deposition but Bev brings up a really really good point. It doesn’t matter what you do, he’s going to be an asshole. Which is too bad because normal people are somewhat collaborative even when they’re working a situation to get the best out of it for themselves. It’s hard to negotiate with unpredictable PD terrorists. That’s why your awesome lawyer is going to come in handy.
IMO you’re kind of damned if you do and damned if you don’t so you might as well do and accept that you’re going to be stuck in it for a crappy but finite amount of time.
Julie…do NOT let him frighten you. He is a total sicko and I would make sure EVERYONE in the deposition room KNOWS why you are there in the first place??? Call the police if he gets in your face. He has NO RIGHT to emotionally harass you or your children. Hold strong. This is your ticket to freedom and life away from that psyhco. You can do it. I KNOW you can do it and I am sending the angels to hold you up and keep you strong. Love Karen
Thank you, everyone!! Karen, when my deposition comes, I hope his attorney asks what took me so long to go back to work. And then I hope I get to answer what brought me down just as I was ready to do just that. I know that with depositions, you are supposed to keep answers short, sweet, and not divulge too much, but if I could just say that, in simple answer, it would be fantastic.
I am feeling those angels. Although I still have fears, I have changed a lot in the past few months, and so much of it comes from the prayers and strength of other people. For all of you sisters, especially new ones, don’t be afraid to tell others what you are going through. It doesn’t mean you have to broadcast it, but don’t hold it in either. I held a lot in for a few YEARS from fear, shame and wanting to protect my SA’s secrets (a combination of fear, shame, and misguided pity.) I still haven’t told the world, but I’ve told people…for MY sake, not to “get back at him” as he would call it. And you know what, for anyone who doesn’t know of his heinous actions, he is going to hang himself anyways, given enough rope. The hardest part is that I’ve always wanted to protect my children, but a mom can’t protect from every reality. 🙁
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