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How many of us have asked that same question, ‘Why doesn’t he want me’?
We are all beautiful, sexy, smart, desirable women, but yet almost all of us have struggled with the issue of our SA’s not wanting us. And, of course, we take it personally (how much more personal can you get?).
We lose our self confidence, try outrageous things to make ourselves more desirable and eventually our spirits are broken.
Well, here’s an article from Psychology Today that just may hold the key. It targets internet porn, but I think the basic fundamentals could apply to any other type of compulsion that SA’s engage in.
The question remains: Why would he turn to porn to begin with, when I am live, warm, and willing? (I didn’t say it was a healthy question.)
wow! JoAnn,
Thank you so much for this!
That is brilliant and so prescient, too. Last night, my h said that the REASON he never came after me, was because it was “hopeless.” There was a gradual decline of intimacy which culminated in a dead halt, simultaneously to his losing his means of supporting the family.
introducing coincidence. I always knew that he viewed porn. I have no idea how much or how often. But does it matter? He did have some erectile issues and I believe he panicked.
The sad reality is that we had a good marriage, in most respects. We problem solved together regarding our two children, and made each other laugh. We have always enjoyed each other’s company, immensely.
Yesterday, I found his email open… and like a dumb shit, I looked at it. what is wrong with me? Not only was he engaging in all of this shit, he was telling this cunt former lover (from his 20s and she’s Israeli) ALL about it!!! not a guy… another woman!!!
I had another rage response last night, in the wee hours. I have to stop this!!!!!!!! I’m reading more about PTSD… I have to understand, that I’m okay and its NOT MY FAULT!
That is my old garbage, that if something bad is happening to me, it MUST BE MY fault!!!
I had even said to him a couple of times… the hottest thing he could ever say to me would be:
“Laurel, I HAVE to have you… NOW!”
what will it take for me to accept that this is all HIS problem, that BECAME my problem, but BECAUSE of HIS problem???
Perhaps it will take another man? A healthy loving man who isn’t afraid to look into my eyes and tell me that he loves me.
My husband has never done that.
BTW… I have never heard him tell HIS mother that he loves her, either.
maybe there’s a connection?
March,
I think a lot of it is habit, stress, easy (waaaaay too easy) availability and even boredom and of course, lack of self-esteem, and performance anxiety. A fake babe will never be able to make him feel unmanly or inept. (in his effed up mind).
Never mind, that we don’t care about his “performance issues”… we just want to be loved.
so sad, isn’t it?
(((hugs)))
Great article!!! Clears a few things up… Sigh…. Why does everything have to be so complicated??
Lexie- off the subject, but I LOVE your pic! You are so adorable! Your SAH is such an idiottttt!!!!
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